


The Diary of Sidney Parker- Volume 2

by swalviswriter



Series: The Diary of Sidney Parker, volume 1,2,3 [1]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:41:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 59,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27082099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swalviswriter/pseuds/swalviswriter
Summary: Life at Windswept cottage in Sanditon begins with a new year full of the unexpected.  Charlotte and Sidney realize there is much to learn about the interworking of their hearts as their family expands around them. What is a man, who has everything, willing to do to protect the family he adores?
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: The Diary of Sidney Parker, volume 1,2,3 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976539
Comments: 226
Kudos: 173





	1. Chapter 1

Windswept Cottage 1822

3 January

Did you know a sneeze can be enchanting? It will be absolutely terrifying should it develop into something else, but we had our first laugh of the new year, thanks to you Ben! You have an amazing array of noises and we are ridiculously spell bound as we wait for Grace to perform as well. Both of you have a new surprise for us daily.

When I return from the Emporium I will stop by Sanditon House to accompany Lady Denham to our most humble abode for a few weeks. We are under no allusion that she will leave her eagle eyes at home and are prepared for her irascible wit and mixed humor. Perhaps we both will be better off spending less time brooding and more time in practical pursuits like playing whist and telling stories by the fire. We do not have days of debilitating snow here but the winter winds blow everyday reminding all of the season as smoke is chased back down the chimneys and rain freezes the walkway.

Charlotte has never felt better and she makes no noticeable referral to herself that would in anyway suggest she is with child again. Part of my mind thinks ‘Are you sure?’ and part of me is glad to keep my mouth shut and and wait for her to mention it again. 

The remarkable event of the first months of the year will be the marriage of Francis Crowe to Dulcey Fitz. He makes me laugh as he seriously considers how his behavior toward his bride will change over the next six weeks. We were having just such a conversation as we walked to town  
“We will, of course, require counseling from the vicar,” said Crowe during our walk.  
“Oh?”  
“Yes, I want to contribute more to society and the church. I see how your doing so and your rigorous exercise was of benefit to you and Charlotte and I’m eager to enjoy the same fruits of this labor.”  
“Crowe? Charlotte and I never talked to Reverend Hankins before we married. Charlotte had just survived a major accident, Eliza had freed me quite suddenly and Lady Susan was able to acquire a special license for our wedding. You were there! Had we been required to wait six weeks longer, after the absolute hell of our separation and reconciliation, I would have fallen apart.”  
“Well then, you know the pain of um…of ah…Good Lord, man! Don’t make me say it aloud!”

“I used to swim daily in the sea, but it was much warmer then and I don’t recommend it when ice floats in the waves!” I said, trying to be helpful. “Since when have you ever been shy about speaking your mind?”

“Dulcey has an unexpected bit of inheritance and I want her to give it away or put it in a trust for something she really needs,” said Crowe, changing the subject quickly. “I believe it is blood money and she sure as hell bled for it,” said Crowe with a snarl. “I will see to it that she wants for nothing but I have to admit to her that I would think long and hard about speculating on Sanditon with Tom.”  
“What are you talking about Crowe?”  
“Tom wants to build a new light house on the point with a light bright enough to see to see from the coast of France! Are you not involved with the planning? He is actively seeking investors!”

I was instantly suspect of Tom and his lowkey approach to the holidays. I had wandered through Christmas with my mind so centrally focused on my miniscule brood at home that it never occurred to me to question whether or not his self control was working. He had pulled off the Noel Ball with very little help from me and I stepped back from my constant vigilance with relief.  
‘Get your head out of the clouds, Sidney!’ I thought.  
“Crowe, I think you should talk as frankly to the vicar as you see fit. I know I have not been much help in the guidance department because I am so reliant on Charlotte’s good judgment. If I have any consistency in my behavior now, it is all down to her. And as for Tom, I have nothing to say at this juncture. How does he even know Dulcey has anything to invest?”  
“He knows things and he inquires and supposes and ferrets out what he wants to know. I might have mentioned it and my indiscretion makes Dulcey vulnerable to his innuendo.”

The last 5 minutes of our walk was silent as we proceeded forward while our minds separated to wander into thoughts and concerns we did not express to each other.

By noon, I was unable to concentrate on anything related to my business, so caught up was I as I considered what Tom may be keeping from me. I stopped in Trafalgar House to gather some reconnaissance on my brother. I found Mary presiding over tea with the children, no Tom in sight.

“Where is my brother this fine day, Mary?” said I, as I drank.  
“I know you must have just missed him, for he said he was spending his morning at the Emporium and then meeting with James Stringer about a building issue. I fully expected him back with us for tea,” she said. 

I did not respond and ‘Nunc Sid’ was needed to determine the color James was painting a new boat and I spent a happy hour in the school room with my nieces and nephews. I was ever Uncle Sidney, but I already felt the pull of them growing up, away from a favorite uncle who really had no magical power and sometimes forgot to fill his pockets with treats, as I had today.

“Dat is awight, Nunc Sid! We just had tea! You can come back later.” suggested James, always kind, ever hopeful.

I never saw Tom and I walked back to the Emporium by way of the new building Stringer was working on that would face the cliffs from the east of town.

“Well met, Sidney!” said he with his typical happiness, “Is all well in your house on the hill?”  
“Yes, and this very afternoon Lady Denham is coming to stay for a week or so while she escapes her drafty mausoleum to enjoy our hearth for awhile.”  
“My you and Charlotte are good to that Lady! I can well imagine how lonely her days might be after all the bustle of the holidays!”

“Have you met with Tom today?” asked I with feigned innocence.  
“Not today. I do not expect I will until he decides on the final plans for the lighthouse project.”  
When I said nothing he looked at me, studying my face.  
“You know nothing about his newest venture, do you?”

James is now my family because of Charlotte. It would be ungentlemanly of me to attempt to gain information about my older brother through a trap to find out what information he might share. “I am sure he will tell me in time, James.”

He said no more, and I sent best wishes to Alison as I departed.

This evening at home was interesting as we added Lady Denham to our number on the first night Sara Jessup cooked our full meal. It was a fish pie and vegetables, the preparation of which Dulcey had presided over as her bandaged hand limited her participation and Charlotte thought would be most easy.  
Much was left to be desired and we ate our fill in apple tarts, not so much the fish, and the vegetables were, well they were not what Charlotte intended.

The wine was good, as was the tea that followed later in the library and Sara is allowed her learning curve.

I waited for Lady Denham to express a negative review, but she did not. She noted the timidity of the cook and withheld her censure. The good woman would no doubt send for her cook from Sanditon House should our next meal be so inadequate. She might have a stash of scones in her portmanteau for bedtime, even now! 

As the ladies each held a baby before you are taken to bed, my little ones, I sat behind the desk in order to continue my efforts at writing. I will express my relief that words flow here for me quite easily when they are often absent when I speak! In the years of the future when you might read and critique my efforts the events of my daily life here in Sanditon will be so decidedly altered and it will not truly offer more than entertainment for you all. 

I was not snooping and had no intention of doing so and as Ann left the room, with Charlotte’s help I moved to the door to capture a kiss from each of you, I saw Charlotte’s edition of Grimm’s Tales with a page being held by a paper of cream vellum, not unlike the page on which the note by Babington had been written.

It was not his missive because I had crumpled it before tossing it in the fire, I turned the book over to hold her place and flipped open the page of Lady Susan’s most recent letter.  
“…do not vex yourself for the whereabouts of the wife of the allusive Marquis will soon be discovered! I have not relayed all of the events that freed your beloved before he married you, perhaps I never will, but you must know that whatever becomes of her unhinged behavior toward your family she will be held to account. I fully expect the couple to flee to France before facing any consequences here, but I promise my vigilance! We might have known she would not give up your dear Sidney without flexing her talons! Be brave and…

“Sidney! Why are you reading my letter?” 

I did have the good grace to color and there are no words that could possibly explain my disregard for her privacy. I could have simply apologized, but I did not.  
“I am curious, Charlotte, are you keeping secrets from me, news that involves me?” I was livid, instantly, and it has been a long while since this amount of ire arose from my heart with such vehemence.

Should you point out, my beloved little ones, that I had burned a missive that seemed to dovetail into this situation I would say that you are correct, but I could not relinquish my desire to protect Charlotte, even while recognizing her motives might be exactly the same as my own.  
She pulled the pages from my hands and stuffed them into the pocket of her dress.

“Charlotte, if you and Sidney do not mind, I believe I will have Dulcey accompany me to my room for the night.” said Lady Denham. “Come Dulsey, do not dwaddle! Until tomorrow, friends.”

If we responded I do not recall, for we were squared off against each other in our old habit of expressing our dismay with each other and I really did not have a care for our houseguest at that moment. So many of our disagreements when we first clashed so readily stemmed from our constant misunderstanding of each other. I knew this, but the memory was too far away in my mind to come to surface in any helpful way.  
“You knew…You KNEW that Eliza was involved some how with the collector and you did not tell me? How long have you known Charlotte? How inadequate do you find my ability to protect my own family that you would seek protection elsewhere?”  
“Wait just a minute, Sidney! I was so upset, that Lady Susan sought a way to assure me after I…after I killed that interloper and she wanted to find a way to make sure that there was no tie between our Ben and Eliza Campion or whatever her name might be now, or our babies’ welfare. Do not lecture me from your desire to control everything, especially me!”

My fists were uncomfortably clenched, as was my jaw, and I felt the helpless realization that my righteous indignation was misdirected.

“How is it, Sidney, that you can keep your own counsel about things that effect our family, but I should feel compelled to pour out my fears at your feet? Have I yet to prove that my good judgement might be as sound as is your own? We are safe! Eliza and her minions cannot hurt us in any way that we do not let her! I refuse to let her! I wonder at your lack of surprise that her name, again, fills the air between us!” 

I paced away from her, turning my back. I sought only to gather the frayed edges my temper. She must have seen it as my rejection of her abilities when nothing could be further from the truth.  
As I glared out the window into the night, only my own reflection stared back at me and I watched her, mirrored in the glass, as she left the room.

And so I add to my own level of anxiety this night, my dear children and it is why I am slumped at my desk for the duration, instead of in my bed with the woman I love. 

Your Papa has much I still must learn.

Good night my dear ones.


	2. Chapter 2

4 January

Lady Denham said our house was chilly this morning and Charlotte ran to the library to get the shawl she leaves over the chair where she often reads.

“Sidney,” said Lady Denham, “I fear you are being an ass. I saw you asleep at your desk this morning and I can not imagine that there is anything wrong between the two of you that you should not choose to move beyond! I am not so old, and certainly I am not so blind, as to have missed your conversation over Charlotte’s letter last evening! If I am to be comfortable in your home you must seek to reach the equanimity that has always made me feel welcome.”

“Lady Denham I will take your words to heart,” said I, although I was more inclined to say ‘stop interfering in what you know nothing about!’  
“I was very stubborn early on in my marriage and I sought ways to extend my will through many dramatic displays, the last of which found me draping myself over the daybed to cause Lord Denham to return to my side, declaring me ‘right’. I was wrapped over that bench as I watched him ride away on his horse, straight away from me! He did not return for ten days! I still have no idea where he went, but being right was never as important as understanding each other after that. Even a business arrangement requires respect and understanding. Your marriage is far more passionate than was mine! You have real love here! I helped you fight for it! I tell you, those were the longest ten days of my life.”

“Here you are, Lady Denham,” said Charlotte as she entered the room, “I hope this shawl will warm you.”  
I could not even look at her because I was so ashamed that I had vented my anger upon her. Damn Eliza and her basket of havoc!  
Perhaps I should have made an effort to speak to Charlotte before leaving for town, but I did not. I looked back at her and saw the glaze of unshed tears in her eyes and I simply could not fix the situation as I wanted. Her chin came up as she appraised me defiantly and I walked away, rather than fight my way up the path to the comfort her forgiveness would surely bring.

I was almost to town when the inclination to turn around, start up the rise and retrace my steps toward home overcame me. Charlotte scurried into view, cheeks flushed with exertion and the wind. She stopped, looking at me from several feet away.  
“Sidney, please stop! I feel I owe you an apology! Of course, you have a right to know everything of interest to your household and to all who live within your house! I am sorry if I hurt you or expressed a lack of faith or appreciation for all your efforts…that was never my intent. How much more so for one who inhabits your heart.”

“You owe me no apology, Charlotte! My own inability to reconcile my reaction to your letter from Lady Susan with the behavior I should feel is entirely my fault! None of this, even compounded, should cause such a breach between us. That Eliza is at the foundation of any single thought that makes us waver, vexes me beyond expression. I am so sorry! Babington told me in a note he left for me on the morning that he and Esther returned to London, that Eliza was probably involved. I did not tell you when I found out, either!”  
By the time I had finished speaking, Charlotte stood in from of me, a foot away on the tract.

“I have only regret that I wasted a night between us, clinging to the presumption that I was right and that you were trying to keep secrets from me.”

She did not kiss me or lean toward me as if she might.  
“I did hope your ability to trust me overpowered the anxiety left from your years of suffering from Eliza’s heartlessness, but I see she still wields her hurt upon you with very little effort at doing so.”

I reached for arm, then, and she pulled away from me. “Charlotte, Eliza has no power over me-over us! What I mean to say is, if ever we should be united, it is now! With our beautiful family and this dearest life, how can we risk even a moment of our time on her?”

“Come, let me walk you home.” Charlotte finally took my arm and we walked silently, side by side toward home. I left her at the doorway with the promise to talk when I arrive home tonight and she let me kiss her before she turned away. It was better than the day before, but not all was settled between us.

A day that starts late and so out of sorts should have been a sign for me to stay home, hold you babes in my arms and not just expect the day to get better just by willing it so. I went to town determined to work until I forgot my worries by being productive.  
At the Emporium, a display of glass vessels holding molasses from Antigua toppled over spilling across the floor and a woman named Mrs Smithfelden fell in the middle of it. She was not hurt, but I can not imagine the modiste will not send me a bill for her entire outfit as everything she was wearing was quite ruined.  
Crowe made a quip about sweetening the mix and several patrons laughed. Mrs Smithfelden evidentally has no sense of humor on a day when her outfit is not ruined, so I escorted her myself up the street to make arrangements for her clothing to be replaced, trying to appease her anger.  
“I have syrup on my hat as well, Mr Parker! Your disorganized store caused me to swing my pelisse sideways, losing my grip on my purse. I am sure ALL is a total loss!”

“I will, of course, cover the expenses of all you might require,” I offered, exiting the shop with a bow.  
“Oh, Mr Parker!” said she, in a loud voice which carried to the street, “Please know that I will also be seeing Dr Fuchs, for I feel my back tightening intensely.”

I did not roll my eyes, although I was sorely tempted. If I am in business for the next fifty years, a more obvious attempt to shake money from my business will never be made! I should have said, ‘Madame, pray tell me who will cover the cost of my 14 bottles of molasses?’  
Mrs Smithfelden’s threat to require the services of Dr Fuchs is what drove me to his office door, I thought I might prepay him for a visit from the woman and thus limit the purchases she might add on to her visit.

“Herr Parker! How did your wife like the brother’s Grimm? Those tales from my country are most blood curdling and I find, deeply satisfying!”  
“Yes, yes I am not here for that! Mrs Smithfelden has had a fall in my store and as soon as the modiste repairs her costume she will be right along to have you make sure she is not decidedly injured!”  
“Fraulien Smithfelden is eine witwe! Bah! She is be an Englishwoman in search of a German doctor to marry! Herr Parker, you have no idea!”  
I got the general idea that the doctor thought he might be hunted and as I handed him money, I was sure that my rough translation stood.  
“Herr Parker! I want to say that your wife must follow my instructions to the letter! She must rest as though it is her job! More than one babe is a tricky process and she must not be stressed or, Mein Gott, experience one of her adventuresome accidents! She must take it easy… for months, and you must help!”

Charlotte had not included the instructions about taking it easy. For the second time today I turned right around to get a clearer picture of my wife’s condition from Dr Fuchs. I would go back to the office and have him repeat to me exactly what he told Charlotte. Coming up the middle of the street was Mrs Smithfelden, with the determined stride of a bull, her body festooned in a black Ostrich feather hat and her bosom laced so tightly she looked more like the exaggerated prow of a ship. 

I was worried for Dr Fuchs for I fear he might be in real trouble. My curiosity had me hastening in the opposite direction. I would have to find out more of her story from Tom!  
I stopped at Trafalgar House only to hear from Mary that Tom had been out all day.  
“Mary, have you met Mrs Smithfelden? I had the experience of making her acquaintance in the Emporium today. After she fell in some molasses I was obliged to visit Dr Fuchs to pay for a visit on her behalf and I got the impression she is a rather formidable addition to Sanditon society!”  
Mary did roll her eyes. “She has given Tom fits since meeting us before Noel Ball. She wants him to sell the last single apartment on Waterloo terrace to her. She believes she requires a discount because of her widowed status and Tom has been reluctant to sell to her for fear she might never be pleased with the purchase.”  
“That sounds prudent of Tom, really! Would you have him meet up with me as soon as he can? I want to talk to him about the lighthouse.”  
She sat down heavily in a chair, slump shouldered and a bit woebegone.  
“I am afraid Tom is as he ever was! New ideas about Sanditon are filling his mind, morning, noon and night! I had hoped he would discuss his plans with you and Charlotte at Christmas, but he did not. Now, he is wound tightly around the supposition that only he can lead the town forward.”  
“I will talk to him, Mary, if I can ever pin him down! Just tell him I called in for him, if you do not mind.”  
“May I offer you tea, Sidney?”  
It was most kind of her to offer but I wanted to take tea in my own home, with both of you and your mother. I headed up the hill having accomplished nothing this day but a decidedly negative impression of Mrs Smithfelden.

When I arrived home that lady was still very much on my mind and I got the first real chuckle from Charlotte of the New Year as I described the doctor-partial widow.  
Lady Denham thought the loss of molasses no great sacrifice, but very much enjoyed the thought of a woman built like the prow of a ship sliding through waves of treacle before coming to a rest at our feet.

“If you will excuse me, Parkers, I will hasten to my room for an afternoon repast. I will see you at dinner,” said she.  
When we were alone at last, I said, “Charlotte, on a day like today, especially on a day like today, I have no other thought than that a moment with you will right my tilted world and make every trial more bearable.”  
“I, too, am out of sorts, Sidney! It is as though my heart is hollow and I have nothing that will fill it, nothing but you.”  
I walked to her and clasp her to me with no hesitation. Our foreheads met as is our habit and I kissed her, so grateful to be home.

“Dr Fuchs tells me you are to rest with great purpose and to take especially good care of yourself these next several months. He encourages me to help you do so.”  
I do not know what I expected but it was not immediate sobbing and I got tears in droves, so I rocked her in my arms for more than an hour.

Sara prepared dinner again, and for a second time it was quite unlike any we had ever experienced. Lady Denham poked them around on her plate before saying, “I never thought it actually possible to kill potatoes, but these are most certainly dead!”  
Charlotte became a bit hysterical and we all laughed until Dulsey came into the dining room to make sure her assistance was not needed.  
“We are fine,” gasped Charlotte, “Thank you, Dulcey!”

Perhaps it was her whispered response, for Dulcey, now more like a family member than a member of staff, said, “You might wish to avoid the potato dish…what a sad way to treat such a vegetable!”  
It set us off again and we all nibbled around a bit of mutton for the middle was decidedly undercooked and enjoyed a mushroom and egg tart as though the small item might have to sustain us all for days.

Crowe happened in to see Dulcey and joined us in the library, where we sat in companionable silence listening to Charlotte read a story from Dr Fuchs book of fairy tales.  
“That is decidedly macabre!” said he, “How can you read such gore around the babies?” He settled down to listen.  
Stories sometimes have moral lessons, and I know these probably do as well, but I have had enough lessons today and I shift you on my chest so that you both are most comfortable.

I always feel a bit abandoned when Ann puts you to bed. Lady Denham soon follows. Dulcey walks with Crowe to the hall as he departs, and we are alone.

“The worst that might happen in my life still makes my life enviable if I am here with you Charlotte.”  
“I feel the same way Sidney! Again, I am sorry I did not share my concerns with you.”

So here I am, in the study, burying this unfortunate day in the pages of this book before moving toward bed with very little delay.

There are days I do not fully recount, but I have realized it is because they are filled with purpose and detail that will eventually work into other moments of our lives which I will document here. 

Days like today are those that make up the majority of life and we must not shirk away from them because they are mundane. 

I seem to have wrenched my way back into your mother’s good graces which makes this one of my finer days after all. How long might it have taken me to make things right if she had not been so caring?

I own that hearing marriage advice from Lady Denham was surprising. Being compared to an ass quite stung, but then again, she is an authority on asses.  
Good night my children, good night. Tomorrow will be a better day, I just know it!

Sleep well.


	3. Chapter 3

5 January

This morning we were both awake in the early light observing a moment of solitude before babies, and house guests and a rowdy dog could run us from our room out into the world.

Only the fingers of the hands between us were touching and Charlotte took her forefinger and rolled it up and down my fingers and the hills of my hand. It was a very simple gesture and yet even the hair on my head began tingling from the want of her.  
Our war against each other, a skirmish really, was fought over a shared dislike and distrust for the motives of Eliza. We agreed to fight her, not each other.  
“Sidney, do you…do you think she wanted Ben or Grace?”  
“Charlotte! What would she possibly know of Ben, or of Grace, besides what she might have heard? Our lives here are singular! We do not wander far from home and everyone we know or care about is here or near!”

“You are right and Ben is ours as surely as he was a child of my body!”  
I could not help myself, children, and I turned to her, unable to start the day without reaching for her more fully.  
As you would imagine, my intended romantic interlude was interrupted by barking, crying and knocking. I slid into the dressing room as Sara entered the room bringing tea. Ann came in and brought both of you and I perched on the edge of the bed after dressing for the day to kiss my three favorite people.  
I whispered to Charlotte, “This WILL be continued.” She laughed and I realized how fleeting would be our private times with such an anticipated life of mayhem ahead of us. 

I set off for town in a much happier frame of mind than yesterday, and much earlier than the day before, as I plan to catch Tom before he can become too busy to answer my questions.  
What could Mary do but invite me for breakfast and Tom could not ignore me as I sat across from him watching him slather his eggs with anchovy paste.  
“So, brother, what brings you to Trafalgar House before the dawn has left his bed?” asked Tom, jovially.  
I just said it without hedging. “Crowe tells me you are seeking investors for a lighthouse and I thought we agreed all major projects would be discussed before taking investor money.”  
Tom sat back and looked at me as though I were holding a hedgehog in a dress at the dining room table. Mary followed the children from the table to the school room and I felt James little hand slide in to the pocket of my waistcoat for a treat he knew would be there and he scampered off, grinning as he went. Young James was already more honest in his dealings with me than was Tom and I found this to be a very frustrating fact.  
“Sidney, I have been nothing but respectful of your time, with the business and Charlotte. The two of you do not need to worry about Tom Parker! No siree! As a matter of fact I am meeting with Lady Denham today to get her input on the project. It is a design of my own production and I am most pleased with how it has come together.”  
I pushed away from the table and crossed my legs. I picked up my tea and polished off the warm elixir with pleasure.  
“Are you meeting with her at Sanditon House, Tom?” I asked, looking over the rim of my cup.  
“Yes, yes and as a matter of fact, I must prepare to leave at once! The lady is very unhappy when one shows up late and I wouldn’t want her to lose sight of my great vision by being annoyed at my late arrival.”  
I was deeply saddened to catch Tom in such an easily discernible lie.  
“Unless you are meeting her in our drawing room at Windswept, you will not be meeting with Lady Denham at Sanditon House any time for the next month! She is our houseguest and will be until James and his men finish a renovation of the gallery hall of her home. Why are you lying to me, Tom?”  
He was standing and I was still seated across from him. He flinched as though I had struck him.

“See here, Sidney! I do not need your management of the dreams I have held for many years and I am sure the investment for building the lighthouse and the pier will be secured just any day! As a matter of fact, a French Marquis is even interested in providing the majority of the investment!” he said proudly.  
“Good God, Tom!” I slammed my fist down on the table making the china rattle against the sterling. “Are you talking about making a business deal with Eliza Campion’s new husband?”  
“How do you know that?” he asked, wonderingly.  
I was on my feet and I can only say he should be pleased there was a table between us. “How could you invite that woman into anything related to our family? How could you? Did you know she and her husband were the ones who hired the supposed ‘collector’ to do all he could do to terrorize Charlotte and frighten the Frenchman working for me at the Emporium? What has she instigated of which I still know nothing?”  
Mary entered the room having heard my shouting and her lip trembled with anxiety.  
“I want to know if they so much as set foot in this town, this ‘sandbox’, she abhors! I will see the two of them arrested if they are found anywhere on the whole south coast of England! That is a promise! Is her potential money so much more important to you, Tom, than are we?”  
“Thank you for breakfast, Mary. I will see myself out.”

There can be nothing between my brother and my family if he will not understand how totally I want to be away from Eliza! Her husband is probably a fellow so beguiled by who he thinks she is, that he has no idea how totally he is being manipulated. Perhaps he is a criminal French bastard and knows exactly what he is doing.  
Either way, I feel Tom’s betrayal and if I do not get as far away as I can from Trafalgar House, as soon as possible, I will probably break something.

When I arrive at the Emporium I see Crowe watch me enter from across the room. When the office door banged closed, shaking the wall, he followed me into the office with two glasses and a bottle of brandy.  
“What is the matter, Sidney? Did you get the bill for Mrs Smithfelden’s new ensemble?” Crowe said.  
He poured a glass for me and I swallowed it down in one gulp.  
“Is there a reason you are drinking your breakfast?” asked Crowe, “Because your behavior is making me nervous!”  
“Tom is trying to become business partners with Eliza and her new husband!”  
“Oh, Damn! I did not see that coming!” He poured himself a glass and slumped in the chair across from the desk.  
“What in the hell is he thinking?” Crowe wondered aloud.  
“Ask Jean Marc to step in here,” I said. “I want to know what he knows about the Marquis.”

We talked to Jean Marc for an hour and his information was nebulous at best. As he was leaving he said,  
“I have made a perfume for his wife for six years! I met him only when I agreed to make her an exclusive scent when they were in Paris on a trip together before they were wed.”  
“Wait…that was before Mr Campion died, Crowe! That means she was involved with the Marquis before…”  
Crowe showed Jean Marc out and the despicable knowledge that Eliza had intentionally used me for some unknown purpose made me furious. It was all game to her! She had almost ruined my life!  
Her voice haunts me:  
“I have waited for you for ten years, Sidney…What is another half an hour?....I am not here for the regatta….I came here for you….Men? What do they know….” I conjure her voice and the way I felt washes over me! Heartache, frustration and white hot rage! What I had done to Charlotte, thinking I was saving our family!  
Could she really have saved Tom after the fire or was that arrangement a sham? What if I had married her?  
I was sick in my trash bin, and after doing very little, I left to walk on the beach and clear my head before going home to tell Charlotte all I discovered.

The cold day calmed my spirit. What did it matter now? Tom had been saved, I had all that I wanted and more than I could ever imagine in Charlotte. The babies! I could never have imagined the weight of them in my arms. The curl of Grace’s tiny fingers as she holds my smallest finger in her whole hand while she sleeps. Ben with his trusting heart! Hang Eliza! There is no place in hell she is worthy of moving into!

When I got home, a strange odor of burned toast and ancient eggs was wafting from the kitchen. Dulcey informed me that Lady Denham and Charlotte were on the Cliff Walk and if we returned in about an hour she might have all sorted out. I hastened to join them. I met them returning from Sanditon House with an enormous basket and I took it from Charlotte at once.

“There is a fully cooked beef roast and a few other items in that basket, Sidney,” said Lady D. “I have no intention of starving at Windswept. The last thing you need is for an old lady to perish on your doorstep! Take that basket to Dulcey, Sidney! Tomorrow she and Sara will take a few cooking lessons at Sanditon House from Cook! Mrs Pomeroy will sort Sara out straight away! Dulcey needs no help, but she is going along to encourage Sara and try to translate any detail that might be missed in the lesson."

“That is a most gracious plan, Lady Denham. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.” I did take the basket and hand it in the back door to Dulcey. Things already smelled better at home and I caught up with the women on the walk to the overview of the beach.

The winter sky was gray and the wind blew through our clothes, chilling us to the bone. “Let’s go back for tea, Lady Denham,” said Charlotte.  
“Yes, let us do just that,” said she, “Even Sara can not ruin a cup of tea.”

So, after passing around the tea, and you babies until you were floppy with sleep and softness, we all retired to bed. I turned toward Charlotte after we had been sitting in the dark wrapped in each other’s arms and I told her that facts I knew about Eliza. Then I told her the suspicions I had about her dastardly behavior and about Tom’s perfidy.  
“I am most heartily sorry for Mary,” said Charlotte kindly. “We will help Tom anyway we can Sidney, but we can not be responsible for his informed decisions. If he knows what he risks, we must let him go.”

She fell asleep against my heart and I stayed until she shifted before getting up to write and make sure the house was secured for the night.

If Wells will get the carriage in good order tomorrow, I will take you all to see your Aunt Alison and save her the struggle of climbing the hill. Charlotte guesses she might be six weeks from the delivery of your own wee cousin and that will bring another welcome tiny person into our midst.

Good Night, Ben! Sweet dreams, Grace


	4. Chapter 4

6 January

The carriage seemed to bounce through every rut as we rode in to town. It had been so long since we had been in the carriage that we braced ourselves with a hand against the side and held on to each other the entire trip.  
“I feel like my teeth are rattling around in my head,” said Charlotte, laughing, “We would be in a heap on the carriage floor if you were not holding me in the seat!”  
If Wells had tried to hit every rut on the road, he could not have shaken us more profoundly. I was glad Lady Denham had begged off the trip to town to stay home with Ann and rock you, Ben and Grace. It was her idea of a perfect day, and neither of us could disagree with her assessment.  
Wells stopped that the two of us might disembark in front of the Crown with every intention to fetch Charlotte in two hours. As I lifted my hand to help Charlotte down from the carriage, I heard,  
“Woooohooo Mr. Parker!”  
As Charlotte stepped on to the road we were accosted by Mrs Smithfelden and two young women I assumed were her daughters.  
I introduced Charlotte to the woman and she turned to introduce her offspring, Gertrude and Agatha.  
We stood a beat too long in silence and in doing so, gave Mrs Smithfelden the opportunity to tell Charlotte about her fall in the Emporium, how gallant my efforts had been on her behalf. She unnecessarily added, “As a matter of fact, my new hat is far nicer than the one I ruined in the fall.”  
“Girls,” said she, “Did I not say that Mr Parker was so handsome that his wife must be very beautiful!”  
“Yes, Mama,” they said in unison.  
“You are too kind,” said Charlotte, “We are so pleased to hear you were not hurt. Good day!”  
“Good Day, Mr Parker,” said she, with a decided simper and the girls giggled. Charlotte looked over at me, with one eyebrow raised, but she said nothing until we were in the door at the Stringers.  
“We haven’t seen you all year, Alison!”  
“That is a really silly joke, Charlotte! I am glad to see you too!”  
They hugged and then Charlotte turned toward me, “Oooooh Mr Parker! Please guard your molasses well today and I will look forward to hearing about your adventures tonight,” she perfectly mimicked Mrs Smithfelden with her voice.  
“Charlotte!” I growled, “I will thank you not to tease me.” Despite of my best efforts, I blushed. I felt ridiculous.  
“Sidney has an admirer,” said Charlotte, “and, after he leaves for the store, I will tell you about meeting Mrs Smithfelden!”  
“Sidney do not be dismayed! She discovered that James was a builder on the night of the Ball and if she is unable to buy one of Tom’s apartments, she plans to have James build a house for her!” said Alison. “She is formidable and determined!”  
I left the sisters as their giggles followed me to the door. Charlotte has an uncanny gift for mimicry. I find it entertaining when focused any direction but toward me. I find Mrs Smithfelden and her daughters remind me of a trio from Grimm’s Brothers fairy tales and I shuddered in spite of myself.

“Mr Parker, well met!” Reverend Hankins and his wife met me on my way to the Emporium. “We hope the new year finds all well in your household!”  
“We are all well, thank you,” I responded, “I hope the same is true for each of you.”  
“Capital, capital…I will look forward to hearing more from you in the near future,” said the vicar.  
Willis had removed all remnants of greenery from the Emporium. All the bows and the festive trimmings Esther sent from London on the first of December had disappeared. The store front was glistening and even the cloying scent of the great molasses spill had vanished. I was very pleased.  
Crowe had left an itinerary on my desk of his first European buying trip. A week in Paris, two weeks in Italy with a month spent in Spain and Portugal would mean that he would be gone until early May.  
I called him to come to the office to let him know that I was impressed by all he planned to accomplish. As he walked across the store toward the office it occurred to me that there was no scheduled time on his list of plans for exploring a beach in Portugal or to take a late night walk through Rome.  
“Crowe, I appreciate the details of your trip that this itinerary represents, but I can not give it my seal of approval.”  
“Shall I cut it short, Parker? I must say I planned to make the most of every day, but there are probably ways to consolidate my efforts. Let me see…”  
“Crowe, you have not set aside time for just you and Dulcey to get to know one another! There is no week to enjoy the mountains from a bed in front of the windows that look onto the Alps! There is no walking tour of Paris or time to do nothing but read a book together about Rome! How will I explain to Charlotte or Dulcey that I have pirated your days with such callousness? No, take this back. Show this to your bride-to-be and add in those places she only ever dreamed of visiting. Bring it back to me with alacrity, my friend and I will release the funds for you to finalize your travel plans.”  
“It was never my intention that you cover the entire expense for our honeymoon, Sidney! From what I hear about your new household help I wonder that Charlotte allows Dulcey a walk into town. Perhaps you should hire a cook!”  
“We will be fine, my friend! Ask Charlotte if you do not believe we are in total agreement on this! It is our gift to you both and spoiling Dulcey, after so many years when she so willingly did for so many others, is the least we can do.”  
“I do not know what to say, Parker! You have become quite the romantic…although I am suspicious that the tendency has been within you all along! Thank you! Thank you.”

“Plan well, Crowe, and return safely.”  
“We will. I promise.”

That afternoon Dr Fuchs walked up the hill to Windswept having promised to check on Dulcey’s hand. He was eager to remove the sutures as soon as possible and have her exercise her hand to renew the mobility.  
“I have heard by letter from your brother, Arthur, that he and your sister Diana will return to Sanditon during the second week of February. They wish to start therapeutic lotions and massage a month earlier than originally scheduled.”  
I am pleased to know they will be back in Sanditon soon. His easy company and kind demeanor is always welcome and I will enjoy Diana interacting with you babies.  
The palm of Dulcey’s hand was soon rebandaged and the doctor accepted a cup of tea while looking you over, Ben and Grace.  
“These are most happy babies, Herr Parker. I wonder that you are accepting decided growth in your family so happily and not planning a trip to restock your wares.” 

“All is well, Dr Fuchs. My partner plans to make several purchases while he and Dulcey enjoy their honeymoon on the Continent. I am most content to stay home, no further from Windswept than town, until this time next year, at least.”  
“And you Fraulein? Will you feel satisfied being at home with your young charges and nothing left to do but bake buns?”  
Charlotte blushed at the implication and then answered, “I am most content with all that is required, sir.”

“Good Lord, man! Am I never to escape you?” said Lady Denham as she entered the room.  
“Good day, Lady Denham,” he responded, “You are certainly looking well!”  
“Ass milk and sea water, Dr Fuchs!” she responded, with no effort toward kindness. “I swear by both and I am ancient! You would do well to remember that I place no worth on constant doctoring! If my habits can not be improved on with proof, I will stick with my regime.” 

“Mrs Smithfelden wishes to purchase your ass milk to supplement the health of her daughters. Perhaps I can refer you to her for a means to acquiring what she should want?” he asked, quietly.  
“We will see,” said Lady Denham, “after I meet her I will sell her what she requires. Have you not invented a potion that would tie her family more certainly to your practice?”  
“I find that I am desirous of making her aware of other options elsewhere that may assure her good health,” he answered diplomatically.  
“Not interested in being hunted, are you doctor? Perhaps you should consider choosing a wife and ward off such intentions.”  
“Thank you, Lady Denham,” said he, “I will take your suggestion under advisement.”

“Dinner is served,” announced Wells. I was pleased Dr Fuchs was staying. He would be on hand should Sara finally succeed in poisoning us all!

The food was simple and well prepared. I realized Mrs Pomeroy’s cooking classes at Sanditon House were well received and I was pleased to finish the day without the pains of another stomach ailment.

And so, I close, my children. Having been assured that all is well with both of you and finding many parts of the day that I might relive with Charlotte and enjoy her assessments and joy, I go to my bed pleased that all seems well this night.

Sleep well, little ones.


	5. Chapter 5

15 January

More than a week has passed with days challenged by fog and rain. The winter days are bleak and dark, with the sun seeming to have disappeared for the season.  
This morning was the first day I could feel the tiniest pooch on Charlotte’s waist and it takes my breath away to realize how hard at work is her body while we sleep. She is graceful and athletic, petite and strong, yet her sweeping curves appeal to me like no others.  
“I do not know how Dr Fuchs thinks there are twins tucked onto that tiny space!” I said in wonder.  
“He thinks there are multiple heart beats, but it might have easily been indigestion!”said she.  
“Maybe there are three,” I said and received a pillow tossed at my head.  
“Give me at least one month, maybe two of looking like my old self, please! I want to go to Dulsey’s wedding without being noticed and I would love for Alison to deliver before my mother realizes what is to come in our household.”  
“I am afraid to look her in the face! I had no idea that I could not control the number of babies more easily! She will think me a beast who could not wait until I made sure you were with babe as soon as possible!”  
“Sidney my mother has been through this so many times, I am pretty sure she understands, quite fully, how the whole process begins!”  
“I know you are right, Charlotte! Children are born everyday carried by women without much regard for who they are or what they wish to accomplish! I am arrogant enough to think our children are different! Everyone else has plain ol’ babies! Our children will be more beautiful, smarter, and when they will learn to walk? Their steps will belong in a dance.”  
“Sidney, you are being ridiculous!” she said laughing. “I am sure their cries are really the lungs of natural singers, performing warmups …and their gurgles the practice sounds that indicate multiple languages…”  
Together we said in unison, “and they will all look just like you!” I was rewarded with a kiss for this mutual thought and I was quite happy to feel so sure of the love between us.

We dreamed up more scenarios for all of you, Ben and Grace, that fall just short of you walking on water or feeding the multitudes, two stories shared most recently from the pulpit by Reverend Hankins.

“How do you think Lady Susan noticed at Christmas? It could only have been a new circumstance for you! I am almost peeved she knew before I did!” I said.  
“She said it was in my carriage, that I had dropped weight quickly and my color changed. That my hand seemed to cover my stomach. I don’t know what the clues were she cited, but I would have made a wager I was not, had she been so inclined, and I would have lost! She does not know there might be two, but I get the impression she will not be surprised.”  
“I keep waiting for Lady Denham to accost us over breakfast! How happy an accident you have no obvious morning sickness or she would ferret it out of you very quickly.”  
“She asked me, Sidney, why we named Grace ‘Katheen Olivia’ if we had no intention of calling her by any name other name than ‘Grace’,” she said. Then she added, “Lady D’s middle name is Olivia, you know, and she informed Grace that that she would always think of her as her tiny friend named ‘Olly Dolly’.” 

“Charlotte! What if she decides Ben looks more like a ‘Sam’? Do we also call him another name, to appease her?”  
“Oh, Sidney! I think we just let it go. I know how jealously you guard these children and I just don’t see this is a subject worth worrying over!”  
“Fine, Mrs Featherbottom! We will not discuss how sacred I believe names to be!” I said.  
“Featherbottom? Are you entirely without respect? You know, that is almost rude!” said Charlotte, giggling as she tried to feign disgust.  
“Come here, my darling Felicity, and I shall show my appreciation for your Featherbot…”

“I beg your pardons," said Dulsey, blushing intensely, “I was planning to help Ann… bathe the babies and I …um…sorry, I have quite lost my train of thought.”  
Charlotte and I had both of you, Ben and Grace between us as we toyed with each other and yet we had made a grown woman blush. We handed you children over as though we were guilty of much worse.  
“At least you were not Lady Denham!” I said.  
“Yes,” said Lady Denham, “My sense of humor is severely lacking! I am not sure what I am missing, Dulcey, but I will accompany you to take the children to Ann.”  
She looked back at us from the door as though we were naughty children and then she walked away.

“Sidney Parker? Just who is Felicity Featherbottom?! Is that the name of a real person? A woman you knew or…”  
Charlotte looked at me wonderingly.  
“Of course not! I was simply teasing you and one more time, you are making assumptions!”  
She did not believe me and was more than a little perturbed I had thrown a name between us of another woman she had never heard of. “Do not be ridiculous! That is like accusing me of being the object of Mrs Smithfelden’s interest!”  
She put her arms around me and giggled. When I kissed her she said softly, “The thought of you with anyone other than me, ever, makes me more that a little bit anxious!”  
I lifted her until she was held so firmly against me her toes were struggling for footing on the floor.  
“I believe you are a little bit jealous, Charlotte.” I kissed her then, slowly, feeling her knees buckle as I set her down. She looked at me without blinking before retorting, “I challenge even Mrs Smithfelden to compete with my curves in the coming months!”  
“Charlotte...my dear Charlotte, I will never love anyone, have never loved anyone else, as much as I love you.”

Here is the truth of it children: I have no words to express the way my heart twists in my chest with love for her. She consumes me and I stay, wandering in the mist, lost to any thought that excludes her.

Before we could blow out the candles in the room and retire, a persistent knock on the front door beckoned us into the hall.  
“Good evening Jessup!” said Tom. “Is Mr Parker still available?”  
“Go on to your rest, Wells, and take Sara, I can take over any duties required,” said Charlotte. “Come in, Tom, you are most welcome here, at any hour!” 

My brother entered the hall, leaving his hat and cane on the bench by the door. I gestured into the library where the fire was still warm and the disheveled appearance of the room hinted at our lack of formality in this family space. Tom took a seat by the fire. Charlotte and I were standing before him.

“You do not need to stay up, Charlotte should you be eager for your rest! I have something to discuss with Sidney and it will not take long.” said Tom.

I answered for her, moving to place my hands on her shoulders. “Tom, anything you could possibly have to say, on any subject, will always include Charlotte! There are no secrets between us!”

“Yes, well…good, good…I must admit that I envy your forthrightness, Sidney, and I want to clear the air between us.”  
“Go on.”  
“Do sit,” said Tom gesturing to our divan. “your standing over me is putting me off.”

“What is it you wish to say, Tom?” I questioned as gently as I could. I am still angry at him for such a variety of offenses that his comments could flow in many directions and not surprise me.  
“I want you to know that I have ask Young Stringer, James I mean, to push off the lighthouse project until I have the funds secured in a way that is acceptable to both of us. He has several projects ahead of this one and it did not inopportune him at all.”  
“Secondly, and of more importance, is my original plan to become more involved with Eliza and Stephen. There seemed to be a rather convoluted process for securing funds from them that seemed a bit…questionable and I have written to advise them there would be no agreement between us. My letter was delivered and received at an address in Brighton, but I do not doubt they will not be found there now.”  
I pace when I am thinking and I stayed on my feet, walking the room.  
“I want you to know, Sidney…and you, also, Charlotte, that my family is first with me! You are my family! Mary’s frustration and your dismay over my choices is too great a burden! Anything I might build at the cost of these dear ties between us would only stand as an idol to the cost of my own folly.”  
Charlotte went to Tom, kneeling at his feet. “Thank you for telling us, Tom! There is nothing we will not do to champion your success and the future of Sanditon- we have proven this, but we must make a plan that minimizes risk in order to assure the success of your ventures.”  
“Yes, yes… good of you to say so, Charlotte…. I have always counted on your infallible good taste and ideas…What say you, Sidney?”  
“I say…thank you, brother! I must ask that you never circumnavigate the plans we agree on, not for instant gratification, and certainly not for money.”  
He stood and I hugged him. “Now go home and get some sleep, we will talk again soon.”  
After lighting his lantern, I sent him out into the night with a lightness in his step I had not seen in many months.

It is with some relief I write these words, children. It is painful to have a splinter so deeply imbedded in your heart when anyone causes you grief. When such debilitating heartache is sourced to your own relative, there are no words that can describe the relief when at last it is resolved. Is it too much to hope that Eliza is gone forever?

I am sure her disappearance is temporary. A person who requires negative attention for the sustenance of life continues to revisit an assured source of that attention. I am not so naive to think she will stop playing with our lives when she does so to entertain herself. If there is a next time, I plan to be more ready.

Good night, Ben and good night, my Olly Dolly Grace! 

It matters not what others call you. You are my heart and I will always know you anywhere!  
Papa


	6. Chapter 6

21 January

At church yesterday the Reverend Hankins read a verse from a book called Philippians. It was a letter that one of the apostles wrote for a group of people who needed to know how to act. I do get it. We all need guidance on how to behave in the world, how to live like better people. This is always a struggle for everyone, I suppose.

For me, becoming my best self and the desire to do so, was certainly all down to Charlotte.  
The writer Paul had written:  
‘Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure and lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about those things’  
All of those things are words that describe my wife and I was very pleased to leave the church door having permission to think on the woman I love, even though the meaning was probably a leap! I was paying attention.  
Before I might steer Charlotte in a different direction, Mrs Smithfelden sashayed up the walk toward us. She waves from her chin in the most soul-destroying way and my wife is quite undone by every action that seems to reiterate the woman’s smitten countenance. It makes Charlotte giggle hysterically and she gives me such intense grief over the situation that I am almost obliged to find the woman a husband so that she might leave me alone! I honestly believe it is not me she thinks so highly of, but every man in Sanditon. There are not that many choices, if single men from Sanditon is required, but the lady seems to have no qualms in presenting herself as an option for anyone who might be willing.

“Oh, Mr Paaarkerr,” purred she, “I was just telling your current wife that I have a few helpful suggestions for the Emporium and I will be delighted to bring them by the store tomorrow.”  
Charlotte turned to look at me with such suppressed hysteria that it made me squirm. I will pay Willis extra if he will meet with her when she comes to the store and twice that if he will clear the aisles from all the items her pelisse might destroy.  
“Good day, Madame, ladies.” I said to her girls.  
I had such a vice grip on Charlotte’s elbow that it caused her to speed up her walk to stay in step with me.  
“Charlotte, if you tease me about that woman, I will…I will…I do not know what I will do, but you should have pity on me! She is very overbearing and I start to shake when I see her coming.”  
Of course, she laughed! If we had been further from the church door my wife might have been even more discourteous to me!  
“Why Sidney Parker! It delights my heart to know a single woman can destroy your aplomb! I was the one she referred to as your ‘current’ wife! Did you miss that comment?”  
“I will have you know, Charlotte, you have had this ‘aplomb destroying power’ over me from, almost, the moment we met! I find her terrifying and not at all attractive. I do not see why you find her pursuits so funny when I am so wildly uncomfortable. She pulled up short and turned to me most sincerely.  
“Sidney, it does not surprise me a bit that every woman who meets you finds your mysterious air and your good looks quite beguiling! I hope they all suffer from the wanting of you, but at the end of the day, you are MY dearest love, currently and forevermore! Find a way to enjoy the attention while leaving them ALL alone! If you express that, then you will have the protection that a great love like ours provides. On the other hand, if you are inclined to be worshipped and admired by a trio of women in addition to Grace and me and… um, Lady Denham, I will gladly share you with…”  
“That’s enough, Charlotte you have just wandered from the edge of silly over the abyss of the totally ridiculous!”

Lady Denham joined us on the walk and the first thing she said was, “That Smithfelden woman is certainly not shy!” If Charlotte had not been holding my arm right then, she would have simply fallen down in hysterics.  
“I am so glad you find her entertaining for she comes tomorrow to Windswept for tea,” said our houseguest. “We will discuss the merits of a steady diet including the milk from my asses for her girls. I will also share the wonders of sea water with them as well.”  
“She will be most welcome, Lady Denham!” said Charlotte with a chuckle. “Will you be home for tea tomorrow darling?” she questioned, her brown eyes wide and innocent.  
“I am most certain I will not be at home,” said I.

I spent the majority of my afternoon today avoiding any possibility of crossing paths with Mrs Smithfelden. Crowe found my reticence amusing and was even a bit hurt she did not try to turn his head when he received her three pages of suggestions for the betterment of our business. He was only a little bit disappointed when she hurried out to her appointed tea party. 

There was less than a month until his wedding and Crowe has just signed papers for the last apartment on Waterloo Terrace with Tom. He achieved a dual purpose in acquiring a lovely home for himself and Dulcey. The purchase was also a clean escape from Tom trying to sell him on a further investment in a lighthouse or any other Sanditon project.

It was this secondary realization that sent me on a hunt for James Stringer and, several projects in process later, I found him leaving the Crown where he was meeting with a gentleman from Kent who wished to build a butcher shop on the eastern outskirts of town. Ever practical James had encouraged the building on this site, decidedly downwind from the heart of Sanditon and the constant sea breeze would enable us all to appreciate their offerings far easier than would a site in the heart of town.

“Well met, Sidney! What brings you from the land of imported goods into the heart of Sanditon?”  
“Gossip, James and a bit of a familial warning.”  
“Oh?” he said.  
I told him that Tom had sold the apartment to Crowe which would send Mrs Smithfelden back on to his project list.  
He grinned affably. “For all you know she will want the adjoining property to Windswept and you all will be neighbors on the hill!”  
I could not imagine any scenario that could be worse.

“She and her daughters are at my house this very minute having tea with Charlotte and Lady Denham, I wish to secure that property next door before the kernel of a same thought can enter Mrs Smithfelden’s head.”  
“I will do what I can,” said James, “But the gentleman from York who owns that acreage is aged and he has no plans to build on the land.”  
“Please assure him I prefer for the area to stay wilderness and will meet his price with an agreement.”  
“I will let you know whatever I find out.”

I found this conversation pleasing and I turned into Dr Fuchs office on the off chance of catching him in and if he were, available for a discussion. He was in and stirring up a large vat of mulled wine like his mother used to make. We sat across from each other sipping companionably.  
“There is a tea party at your house this afternoon,” said he. “You are not inclined to entertain a certain woman and her daughters, Herr Parker?”  
“Not even slightly interested and I find she truly rubs against the grain.”  
“Why do you think I am creating mulled wine by the vat?!” asked he. “At least you have the protection of a wife!”  
“I can honestly say I do believe the fact that I am very married only adds to the challenge!” I responded miserably. I do have a lot more on my mind than this one irritating widow.  
I had intended to talk to him about Charlotte and the challenges of our pregnancy ahead, but as the afternoon grew longer, we grew a bit saturated. When I walked into the afternoon the cold air hit me broadside and I stumbled into Crowe whose swift hold on my arm kept me upright.

“Well, Parker, I haven’t seen this lack of sobriety on you since a certain cove sighting led you into a fifth bottle of port in the Crown after an evening trying to bury the fact with me and with Babers.”  
‘Shush, Crowe…Jus’ walk me up da hill to home. I bet Dulcey won’t mind is you sta’ fer dinner and you can protect me from Ch’lotte.”  
“Just what the hell have you been drinking?” asked he.  
“A concoxshun of Dr Foooch’s departed Mutter.”  
“If I thought you would be able to walk on your own, I would go back for a flask full! My god, Sidney, you are ripe and right plastered! Perhaps we should come back tomorrow and talk to the good doctor about selling that brew in the shop.”

“Oh, ish not for sale! Ish for the man who will soon have four babies under the age of three years old at my housh…but don’t tell Ch’lotte you know. Tis a secwet! SHHHHshsh.” I am sure I held up four fingers but it was a difficult process and I gave it up.  
“You are lost man! Let us go to the Crown and I will feed you! Perhaps it will sober you up while I think up what we should do.”

What he did was haul me home in a most indelicate state on the back of a horse cart belonging to a farmer leaving town for London. When we started down the walk toward Windswept, the sea air had helped do the trick and I was sure I could just beg fatigue, retire early and Charlotte would not be suspicious at all.

I had forgotten about Lady Denham and the fact that the sea air had done nothing to lessen the smell of a night of carousing that seeped from my pores and banged my brain like a hammer.  
I entered the drawing room and headed for the mantle with the clear plan that I might lean against it. I would appear to be in complete control and the fireplace would hold me upright. Crowe made a display of greeting Lady Denham and Charlotte while I arrived at the edge of the mantle and reaching up with my elbow I leaned back, missing the mark and falling ass over tea kettle on to the hearth.  
It is why, many hours later I am at this desk, wrapped in the shawl from the library. I am feeling like I might need a doctor. Or not. My last visit with a doctor did not go so well.

I know there was a bit of mayhem that followed my swan dive to the floor and only Barker Parker sleeps at my feet this night. There will be trouble enough for tomorrow, my children, for the last thing I remember is Crowe congratulating Charlotte on the great news of our increasing family. The look on your dear mother’s face as Lady Denham clapped her hands was a decided mix of fury and bewilderment, an expression of which I pray you will never see on her beautiful face.  
Oh, just a word of advice my children: If you ever you do see such a look on your mother’s face do not attempt to tell her how gorgeous she looks at that moment! She certainly is noble and praiseworthy, pure and good, but she is also quite mad at your Papa.

You might also wish to avoid telling sacred secrets to your Uncle Crowe.

Good night Ben, good night Grace


	7. Chapter 7

28 January

The week started without a lot of fanfare. It took me four days to feel like my self again and that elixir of wine and medicinal mix that I drank at Dr Fuchs left me with a glass stomach that Sara has challenged every day.

I tried to bring up the whole unfortunate topic of the spoiled secret and how I exposed the very thing Charlotte asked me to keep to myself. It is too early for us to announce the babies and most importantly because she simply asked me not to tell anyone. Crowe might as well be the town crier so our news will soon belong to all.  
Charlotte has frozen me out on the subject. We talk about everything else, Ben, Grace, Lady Denham, the wedding, the imminent return of Arthur and Diana, Tom and Mary and their children, and Alison and James. We talk about the Hankins and the music store Charlotte’s brother is opening in Sanditon in the early summer.  
She will not talk about our expected babies and it almost seems she has forgotten they are coming.  
I have made a colossal ass of myself, again, and I have done everything but apologize. For god’s sake, it was unintentional! I was out of my right mind and though we explained to the household our desire to contain the news, I know this can not be. I do not think Charlotte is as upset the subject of our secret is more widely known, as she is that I did not kept a secret we agreed was a secret tantamount to our own happiness.

I have never been more miserable over a situation so clearly the fault of my own actions. I just did not have the selflessness to grovel when, clearly, I should be prostrate at her feet, begging for forgiveness. 

So, I dump my anxiety in the pages of a book which allows me to fall back into the pattern very much like the mute outlier I used to be. Charlotte does not access these pages and I write to you, my little ones, with hope that many years in the future you will read about our lives and the many details we will have forgotten.  
Lady Denham, never one to beat around the bush brought me a cup of tea after dinner. I still do not have the taste for port or brandy, and I thanked her for her thoughtfulness. When she turned to leave the room she placed her hand on my shoulder and said, “If ever there was a young man who needed a mother, and her advice, it is you in this moment.”  
Immediately defensive I sat back in my chair and said, “How so?”  
“It is rationalization on your part and a great deal of pride! A man’s word is his bond, Sidney! As singular as you are in keeping your word, is the interpretation everyone else makes of your trust worthiness that matters! At this point in time I would not trust you or Crowe with the details of a surprise party if a bottle of port was around! Own your mistake! We are all clearly delighted with your news, do not overshadow this joy with you apparent ambivalence!” 

I found Charlotte in the library and she looked at me benignly when I sat near her feet on a low stool.  
“You matter, this matters and I can not just say it was because I was not in my right mind and expect you to say, ‘it is alright’, and mark what I did down to reckless drinking. I owe you an apology for being stubborn as much as I am so sorry that I took this precious thing between us and splashed it all over the drawing room floor. I hope you will forgive me, Charlotte.”  
“Alright, Sidney. Just let it go.”  
I reached to take her face in my hands so that we were face to face. “Please tell me that you think I can be beloved to you and a good father to our children. I need to know that you think I can still be that man you respect and will trust.”

“I love you, Sidney. You have my trust and you are a great father! No doubt you will continue to be, but your moods exhaust me and sometimes you are greedy in your need to bend everyone to your desire…the responses you want to hear or the results you will accept, and I just do not want to fight with you about the things that we should treasure, not disagree over.” She thought for a minute before continuing.  
“Our secret was to protect this,” she said gesturing between our hearts, “the fact that it is early in this process yet and there would be so much less to explain if we keep our own counsel. You could not help the fact that you were so proud to get me with child, potentially multiple children, so quickly after Grace, without considering how I might feel or how I will grieve if it is not to be.”  
She kissed me then. I write with the realization of how often I am going to have to own my mistakes. How easy life would be if it were once and done. And how often the misery I feel is self-imposed.

I know her strength, my children, and I know if her sheer will could build this family, we would never disagree and I would never falter in my desire to do the right thing. Our happiness would be the joy promised in books. This is hard, hurtful work, loving another this completely, and all I know is there is nothing in the world as important as is this love to me.

I write with the hope you understand my darlings! That there might be several of you children discussing how your Pa announced your existence before you were but whispers of dreams in our minds, yes, I will be pleased. How eager am I for you to join us! But more importantly, I need to let you all know that to own a mistake can really be painful, no matter the source of that mistake but that forgiveness will always be the best gift a truly apologetic man can receive.  
Charlotte stands before me, late this  
night, barefoot and sleepy. When she says, “Might you put that away?”

I do. Good night my little ones,  
I am going to my wife with my heart in my hands.

Good night.

3 February

The Reverend Hankins read the banns today for Dulcinea Fitz and Francis Crowe. It is the second reading and the wedding is becoming real for Crowe. He stands around smiling like he has a feather in his shirt. The wedding takes place three Sundays from today.

Before Charlotte and I married I simply willed the time to pass. As you can well imagine, little ones, time slowed to the point of standing still. I stayed as busy as I could, I swam further in the sea than ever before, walked miles along the cliffs and Lady Denham tried to teach me to play cards but my mind was never in the game. She would not gamble with any amount that might require real attentiveness on my part. Cards, usually paired with a quantity of drink and male camaraderie, were the only way I enjoyed the games and so Lady D and I were not well suited for her style of cards.  
Tonight, while I am writing at a library table my children, Charlotte is paired with Dulcey and Crow with Lady Denham as she tries to teach him an elaborate game of flame. A game so closely named for fire certainly causes my disinterest for any subject slightly related to fire puts me off. Crowe has no ability to play with any seriousness because of the grin plastered across his face. Dulcey sighs with frustration as she plans her strategy in the game and his goofy countenance hardly shows Lady Denham a willingness to concentrate.

Charlotte, amused by their attempt to pay attention to anything but each other, finally suggests that they might take a quick lantern lit walk with Barker Parker around the back garden thereby taking a break from cards. Lady Denham pulls a small pile of pennies toward herself and scoffs at the three in front of her.  
“I can not imagine why your heads aren’t in the game! I feel as though I am fleecing the babies!” said she. “So little challenge do I get from the lot of you!”  
Charlotte went to the back door to make sure they had a lantern and were bundled up appropriately for the night air. I know that Crowe had no idea if it might be pouring rain, but Dulcey would be most grateful for the moonlight.

Earlier James Stringer came into the Emporium to show me a letter he was sending to York on my behalf. His words were simply an offer to purchse the remaining acreage along the privately held property on the cliff walk and he needed a number to accompany the offer of funds. Our heads were together as he added to the missive on my behalf and we simply were not aware that Mrs Smithfelden was close by until she entered our conversation.  
“Two more handsome gentleman have never walked the streets of Sanditon!” declared she. “What are we working on, then? A new building project, I would wager! Dear Fuchs comments about you both often and holds you each in the highest esteem,” she continued.  
James simply folded the letter putting in the front inside pocket of his vest before saying, “You are most kind to say so Ma’am! I am sure it is down to the great care under which we are kept by the finest sisters anywhere!”  
Well done James! I simply do not think fast enough for small talk to slide through my lips when unaccompanied by respect. When comments are made that I am not especially interested in hearing I have a tendency to bite back with acrimony. It is decidedly a flaw in my personality and it might have cost me my relationship with Charlotte had I not calmed down enough to hear the meaning behind her words the summer we first met.  
“There will be a new group of houses to be built west of town on the ridge extension off of front street. You may not have considered this area, Mrs Smithfelden. Perhaps I could show you the drawings and peak your interest by offering you the first pick of these properties,” said he.  
I was standing as though frozen, my hand on one hip, waiting for her response.  
“I had hoped to be on the cliffside of town, nearer Sanditon House and Windswept,” she said with furrowed brow. She put her hand on my arm before saying, “I would wish to be neighbors close enough to borrow a vessel of sugar from the Mr Sidney Parker household!” she simpered.  
My eyes rolled in my head of their own accord. I will own an unfamiliar delight from the absence of Charlotte, but I almost could hear her amused chortle in my mind as though she sat upon my shoulder witnessing this effort by Mrs Smithfelden to befriend us.  
“I have it on good authority that particular property will be held as a natural wilderness and undeveloped, perhaps for years. Will you not wish to settle your family long before that?” James said. He had offered her his arm in an effort to escort her to the door. He was gallant, apparently unperturbed by her interference, and most obliging in his manner. I was impressed, once again, by his affability.  
“Goodbye, Sidney! I will get back to you when I have anything to report,” he said. He grinned at me and winked and as they were leaving I heard her say,” Mr Stringer, your bicep is most impressive…is your strength a natural occurrence or due to the difficulty of your work?”  
After the door had closed behind them, I turned to find Crowe standing behind me. “You owe Stringer a bottle of port, I’ll wager, Parker, but I do not understand why that lady seems to get on your last nerve with talons.”  
“Nor do I, Crowe, honestly. She causes a visceral response within me and the thought that she would set up her household in near enough proximity to pop in on our family whenever she might find motivation fills me with dread.”  
As if a magic fog had caused his materialization, Dr Fuchs walked forward from the back of the establishment. He was at best, wary and at worst, he was sneaking around.  
“Herr Parker,” he said, “Is she gone?” When I answered with affirmation, he visibly relaxed.  
“I have a plan to walk to Windswept to release Miss Dulcey from care. I hoped you might accompany me.” 

As it turned out, Crowe and I both walked with the doctor to Windswept. We walked up the beach path instead of trekking through town. As we crested the hill, I scanned the property next door with a new eye, realizing that the purchase would offer an extensive play area for you, my children, as well as an unobstructed view of the sea on which to dream and enjoy the mercurial weather of the cliffs. I became more determined than ever to acquire it.

Charlotte served tea and Lady Denham chose not to goad Dr Fuchs for the whole hour he was in our home. Dulcey’s hand was released from her remaining stitches and a peaceful afternoon rolled comfortably toward evening.

Here we are, my children, with the recitation of the events of another day. Your Aunt Diana and Uncle Arthur will soon be here. Uncle Crowe’s wedding will finally occur and Sara Jessup has learned to bake bread that does not have the consistency of your Uncle James’ bricks. All are facts to celebrate this night.

There is a brown eyed beauty waiting for me beyond these study walls and I am eager for her company, as ever I am.

Good night, my darling Grace and Ben!  
I love you,  
Papa


	8. Chapter 8

15 February

In the middle of a blustery gale yesterday Diana and Arthur returned to town and were most pleased to hole up for a day at Windswept while their house was being readied in town.  
Charlotte placed you, Ben and Grace, upon a heavily quilted mat on the floor and while you babies were content to play with your toes and, no doubt, wonder about the adults in a semi- circle around you, drinking tea and making observations. Arthur decided to place himself between the two of you and he happily held himself on his elbows while he was on his tummy, Ben, you decided to roll yourself over. It was a new trick and we all applauded, Grace wailed uncomfortably and came to sit with Papa until equilibrium could be maintained. Diana rocked you, Ben, and then switched the two of you for equal time. I fear with such a doting family you both will be only content unless you are being lovingly held.

I want you to know, I feel exactly the same!

This afternoon Dulcinea Fitz became Mrs Francis Crowe in a lovely wedding service conducted by Reverend Hankins. There was a reception in the Assembly Hall presided over by Mary and Charlotte and it was a most golden afternoon. I will wager Crowe’s face hurts this evening from smiling so broadly and I know, without a doubt, that single small discomfort is not on his mind tonight.

Dulcey was finally happy. This made Charlotte so pleased that it was most gratifying to witness her doting over her friend. Alison had not come but had supplied a month’s worth of baked treats and everyone had a nice afternoon. Into the midst of the merriment sailed Mrs Smithfelden, uninvited and unable to ignore the festivities. She helped herself to some punch. Neither daughter accompanied her and she blocked Tom into a corner for a long discussion.  
I witnessed Mary’s mischievous grin directed at Charlotte and realize the two of them find Mrs Smithfelden exceedingly entertaining. I managed to circumvent the crowd avoiding her entirely. When next I met with Charlotte she said, “Sidney this was a special day! Thank you for all you did to assure it would be so.” The newly weds left for Dover to begin their honeymoon and on the next clear day would sail to Calais, from there they would be off to explore the continent.

Charlotte and I retreated to the fireside after you children were asleep. Ann leaves for London tomorrow and is busy packing. The Jessups have retired for the night. Now that Lady Denham has returned home and Arthur and Diana are moved to town, we sit in our house wrapped up in each other like we did when we were newly married. Both of us had an unread book near our seats but were led more to gazing at each other than reading. I nodded off on Charlotte’s shoulder as we basked in the firelight.

I woke to the feeling of being lightly touched and I smiled before I opened my eyes. Charlotte was tracing my eyebrows with her fingers, the bridge of my nose and my lips.  
“Charlotte, what are you doing?”  
“Making a study of my favorite face,” she whispered. “I am only partially sorry I woke you because I would like to kiss you without interference.”  
“By all means, help yourself Mrs Parker. I like the way you think.”

She was soft and I was delirious with anticipation when she giggled, “Close your eyes Sidney and you can imagine I am Mrs Smithfelden come upon you unaware!”  
She giggled and ran but seemed happy enough when I caught her.  
I kissed her soundly and it is never much of a punishment.  
“You will not let this ridiculous woman out of your mind Charlotte. You bedevil me with this confounded teasing! I must say I was delighted when I saw her with Tom in the Assembly Rooms,” I added sheepishly.  
“Mary tells me she is trying to buy the property next to Windswept,” said Charlotte oblivious to my interest in the subject. “Tom refuses to give her the name of the owner. She tried to squeeze the information from James, but to no avail. I am afraid, Sidney, that she and her girls plan to be our neighbors or die in the attempt.”  
“I know the owner and I will be glad to share the information with her,” said I.  
Charlotte leaned back in my arms to look at me. Her face was full of wonder and curiosity.  
“Sidney! Would you be happy if she were our neighbor? I fear we would be overrun with her incessant interference! Our children would grow up under her judgmental lens and I am afraid it would end your contentment with home! Please, do not give her access to any information that would bring her closer! She only entertains me when she is as far away as possible!”  
Her brow furrowed and her face was clearly contorted as she earnestly considered the situation.  
“Lady Denham told Mrs S. when she was here for tea that the older man who owns the property lives somewhere near York, but she suggested the woman talk with Tom if she wanted more specific information.”  
“Sidney! What shall we do? It seems she is doing just that with definite intent! Please do not supply that information!”

I happily maneuvered her back to my lap and was exploring a part of her neck of which I am most partial.  
“Oh, I don’t know Charlotte! ‘Mrs S’ as you call her seems to make you so happy and your teasing of me so diverting to you that I am thinking, why not move her to the neighborhood? I suppose we could do worse!”  
She was still in my arms although I felt her stiffen.

“I promise I will not tease you about her again! I love being your current wife and I have no intention of allowing her a closer look at all your positive attributes! Please! Tell me you won’t tell her the name of the owner!”  
Still intent on the study of her beguiling ear, I murmured my agreement in a way that was not suitable for her purposes.  
She stood up and I rose to meet her. 

“ Charlotte, I will gladly tell her I bought the property just this week and I will break it to Mrs S. that it will be preserved as a wilderness area attached to Windswept! I hope our children will fight pirates, find reading nooks and study wildlife as an extension of our home. The property will decidedly not change hands again in my lifetime!”

I was delighted with her happy response and cherished the opportunity to tease her so profoundly.

My darlings, I am so glad she is pleased! Realizing her unmitigated joy is one of the greatest parts of being married to your mother! I highly recommend the marriage state should the opportunity arise to spend your lives with the one person in the world for whom the stars align in your hearts. 

I am always more content than I deserve to be and so grateful for the chance to be your Papa!  
Good night Ben! Good night Grace!


	9. Chapter 9

February 20

The mid-week felt rather odd. Willis worked with such speed and agility that I spent less and less time in the Emporium. I did spend an entire morning pouring over the suggestions (three close written pages) that Mrs Smithfelden had left with Crowe a week or so ago. I wanted to address her concerns honestly and that meant reading her ‘suggestions’. In an attempt to secure a position for one of her daughters, maybe herself, Mrs S suggested that our very male oriented Emporium hire several women to act as hostesses, demonstrating products, making suggestions and generally welcoming women to come and shop here before going anywhere else in town.

After about two days of mulling it over, I found this idea had taken root and I liked the thought of a hostess very much. I spoke to Diana about it one afternoon when she stopped in on her way to consult with Dr Fuchs.

“Sidney? Would you allow me to try it? I would love to spend more time with my brother every day and I would love a bit of distraction. Might I be your household goods and gardening manager? As a matter of fact. Let me invest and be an owner in that part of your business!”  
My skepticism was obvious. Diana was a lady unused to a long day and no more strenuous past times than gossiping and thinking of her health. I told her I would consider it and I brought it up with Charlotte that night.

“What are you confused about Sidney? Utilizing Mrs Smithfelden’s advice and then not hiring her, or Diana’s unproven abilities to enhance your business? Could it be that you are less worried about the propriety of ‘hiring’ a woman or the fact that a capable woman might not be accepted by the men who already work so hard for you?”

Charlotte’s brain can make me dizzy with the alacrity with which she analyzes situations. If she were the woman in question I would absolutely hire her. There is nothing I can imagine that Charlotte is incapable of doing.  
Was I discounting Diana’s abilities, holding her in a place where I was comfortable and not encouraging her to try something new? I thought to ask Tom and Arthur and then Charlotte said with clairvoyant understanding, “The only person you should consult with about Diana is Diana, I think.”

With Crowe out of town and Babers preparing for a new baby, I found myself ringing the bell at Sanditon House asking for a moment of Lady Denham’s time.

“What crisis today, Sidney?”  
“Now why do you think there is something major on my mind, Lady Denham? Perhaps I just came for your superior taste in Assam and a bit of a chat?”  
“And, did you? Just come by for a cup of tea with a neighbor?”  
“No, I came for your advice.”  
“Well,” said she, “I have plenty of advice and it is probably worth little more than you will pay for it, so tread lightly!”

For more than an hour I discussed Mrs S and her extraordinary suggestions for my business. I then mentioned Diana in a new and unexpected role. I thought Lady Denham might express shock, perhaps censure, and I thought she would totally dislike a plan which would give Diana so much responsibility with so little experience.

“Sidney, just when I think you are one of the smartest men I know, you prove my assumptions wrong! Your trust in your sister is absolute! Give her an opportunity to blaze a trail in Sanditon. 'Hang propriety for propriety’s sake'! I would have enjoyed the chance to be a recognized woman of business, successful for my own sake and not down to the men I married.”  
“I can pretty well imagine that Charlotte has already given you some version of this advice. The only real issue is the reaction you will receive from Mrs Smithfelden! She is trying to be your neighbor so you might consider the future ramifications of your communications with her.”

“Thank you, Lady Denham. I can always rely on you for your candor. I feel I should let you know that I have purchased the Cliffside property from the gentleman in York and the omnipresent Mrs Smithfelden will not reside anywhere near us in this lifetime, unless she is invited to reside with you here at Sanditon House.”  
“Oh, you truly are a despicable tease, Sidney! That Charlotte puts up with you at all is one of God’s minor miracles.”  
“It might be a major miracle, honestly, Lady Denham, and I am thankful that she is with me when I start every new day!”  
“Do not second guess yourself! Your instincts are true and your honor is unquestionable. I can not say that I envy your discussion with that particular lady, Mrs Smithfelden… although I do want all the details of that discussion! I am sure this may be the making of Diana.”

I accompanied Ann to catch the stage for her return trip to the Babingtons.I was most sorry the babies would lose her great kindness and good care. “Please do deliver this packet to Lord Babington for me! We all eagerly await the news of the Babington’s new progeny and hope we find you all back in Sanditon this summer!”

She thanked me and the coach seemed to float away as though the driver’s agenda was one only governed by the speed by which the geography might be covered between Sanditon and London.

As certainly as I turned around from finishing my task with Ann, there she was: Mrs Smithfelden. “Well met, Mr Parker! Mrs Parker is no doubt home with the babies at your house. I have heard she is quite the collector!”  
“Mrs Smithfelden,” I nodded, “I hope the day greets you well. I understand that you met both of our children when you were at Windswept for tea.”  
“Yes, I did have that pleasure Mr Parker. It was during that visit that pretty rustic landfall to the opposite side of your property from Sanditon House caught my eye! I have become most singular in my purpose to purchase it; to build a house there! With such a view I could live my life content!”

My behavior was beneath me, my collected darlings, and I responded, “It is indeed a most attractive cliffside jetty of land.”

“Do not toy with me, Sir! Are you able to tell me the owners name?”  
“I am most definitely capable of reporting their names.”  
“Well?”

“Mrs Smithfelden, I am pleased to report that one owner is before you now, and Charlotte and I have no intention of selling that land to anyone!”

I have seen pictures of fish that puff up when they are threatened or angry. She expanded in her muslin attire as though inflated with air and in the back of my mind was the urge to back up before she popped.  
“I was told the owner was infirmed and in York! A man like that might be worked on!” She was clearly flustered and the grace to lose well was not part of her nature.

“He was reached in York and proved himself to be quite an affable elderly fellow. We finalized our deal last week and I have just received the official deed from my London solicitor.”  
Her face reddened and her countenance reflected a rage like I have seldom seen. I sought to lessen her anger with a compliment.

“I do want you to know I have read all of your suggestions about the matters of my business at the Emporium and am delighted to report you will be most pleased to meet my sister who will take over a quarter of my business beginning next week! I was so pleased you were so embracing of the involvement of women in the working place. I hope you meet her when next you shop with us.”  
She had heard enough and she spun on her heels to steam through the town in the opposite direction.

I looked up to see the laughing face of James Stringer. “Do not relish your mirth overmuch James,” I cautioned, “You will be fully stuck with her now!” 

Diana was delighted by my offer and began making lists of her ideas for the space and all she might require.  
“I will then be partners in equality with you, Sidney?”  
"Francis Crowe has claim to a quarter, I hold fifty percent and you will have the other quarter percent should you find these terms to your liking.”

Diana sealed our deal with a hug and I was pleased by her spirit of adventure. “I believe your involvement will be met with enthusiasm by all who champion the great future women will have in our world if men will just make room.”

“That sounds enlightened of you, brother!” said Arthur walking upon us. “Of what do you speak?”

I was pleased to leave Diana with all the duties of imparting details to the family. Perhaps I would return home for luncheon and relieve Charlotte from holding both of you children while coaching Sara toward an edible meal. 

Mrs Smithfelden was undaunted by my neat actions that shut down her infiltration of our family and she set her cap for Arthur as fully as she could before any of us were the wiser.

This night my children I feel as though I am in the middle of a sword fight! Mrs S is my opponent. She is wily, insistent and indefatigable! I am fighting as though using a sword in the opposite hand while blind folded and wearing a lady’s swimming costume.

The way of the future is clear for anyone really hoping to succeed in the future. Perhaps you will be a trailblazer like your Aunt Diana! Ben, perhaps you will benefit from the determination of the women in your life to make the world a better place. I for one am going to be exceedingly supportive of the myriad ways my life will be better because of the women who influence my life.

But I will not let one woman with more bluster than finesse ruin my life in the process! Now it is about saving Arthur from her flattering and incessant clutches.

Good night my sweet ones! I love you,

Papa

25 February

It happened at Dr Fuchs office. 

Arthur had accompanied Diana as she sought to replenish a hand cream and salve she had depleted during the early winter. Her plan to schedule a series of therapeutic massages and all the medicinal treatments Diana believes in so faithfully took longer than she thought it would. Arthur wandered in to the waiting area of Dr Fuchs receiving area. While there, Mrs Smithfelden entered the abode to see the physician.  
She was waiting. Arthur was waiting. As you may suppose, my children, your Uncle Arthur felt the need to spark a conversation to pass the time. 

After a benign discussion of the weather and a debate about the future of British trading with the French, Arthur realized he was not being entirely proper by addressing a woman with whom no formal introduction had been made. Never being too concerned with shirking the expected track of behavior, Arthur stretched out his hand and the scorpion struck. 

When Dr Fuchs and Diana returned to the room, Dr Fuchs tells me that Arthur’s hand was being held in both of her own by none other than Mrs. Smithfelden.  
“Ah Herr Parker! It is nice to see you so well! I see that you have met Mrs Minerva Smithfelden. Mrs Smithfelden, meet Arthur and Diana Parker.”  
I can well imagine her mental wheels spinning as Arthur ended her wonder by stating “Diana is my sister, I do not want you to be under the misapprehension that I am married, for I am not.”  
“Yes, I have heard of you Diana from your brother, Mr Sidney Parker, as he was expressing his great hopes that a recent change in his business structure would not bring on utter ruin. I hope he will not live to regret your addition to his business.”  
Diana was more than a little stung by her words and she said, “I have not gotten that impression or concern from my brother at all!” 

“I find, dear Arthur, I am late for meeting my daughters at the post! Would you be so kind as to escort me to that rendezvous? I would be so honored for them to make your acquaintance. Why, I could see myself happily attached to such a man as you over the course of a single afternoon!”  
Diana tells me, she was barely acknowledged by the woman and Dr Fuchs was suddenly a door mat on whom she wiped her feet.  
“I despise being made to wait when an appointment has been scheduled. Perhaps the Dr requires some help now that he has reached his dotage. I say, Mr Parker, you look like a man who would appreciate a finely stewed pheasant and I know just how to prepare it so that your mouth will water every time you think of it…”  
The last Diana heard was Arthur’s response as he answered most jovially, “A well prepared pheasant is an unsurpassed meal on earth! I should be delighted to take part in that repast!”

Diana was abandoned in the street and made haste to the Emporium to find me, her concern etched across her face!  
“I say, brother, Arthur’s head is quite turned by a woman of significant age of whom I am sure his acquaintance is limited! He was quite overcome, as though she cast an enchantment over him! I fear for him Sidney, for he is ill equipped to ferret out the intent of such a woman…Is she widowed or will he be seduced, unaware of her status? Is she hunting for a husband for herself or her daughters… and how old are they?”  
Did I mention that Diana was a bit upset? She spoke loudly without pausing for breath or hesitation which gave those observing us the impression that her excitability was her normal mode of communication. Her actions left in her wake an unfortunate first impression among the staff at the Emporium and I hastened to take her to my office to calm her down.

“Arthur is not inclined to marry, he told me so! Oh, whatever have I done? My new adventure has forced his hand into filling his anticipated boredom with a harpy. Whatever shall we do, Sidney?”  
“Come, Diana! Arthur is not so easily swayed! He will not be led into such a highly reprehensible relationship! When he comes home this evening Diana, invite him to Windswept and we will talk with him. You will see! One afternoons’ misadventures does not dictate a lifetime!”  
“Does it not, Brother?” 

***  
Wells set off to town in the carriage to bring Arthur and Diana to Windswept this evening and when he returned Arthur and Diana were accompanied by none other than Mrs Smithfelden.  
“Please call me Minerva!” she said as she air kissed Charlotte, “Afterall, we are almost family.”  
“No indeed Madame! I can not call you by any other name than Mrs Smithfelden because we do not anticipate requiring the closer affiliation you might wish with this family”.  
Charlotte, ever glorious when she is angry, was absolutely the vision of Arthur’s avenging angel and before dinner might be served she had all adults present seated in the drawing room. Standing among us all, she addressed Mrs S with complete calm.  
“Tell me, Mrs Smithfelden, what is it you are seeking by such a fast and wretched ruin of dear Arthur Parker’s reputation as a gentleman? What is it you know of him really? Are you so enamored of the Parker family that you would seek Arthur’s destruction for your own inglorious entertainment of treating him so informally?”

“As I told Mr Parker,” she said batting her eyes. “It was love at first sight!”

“But you are decades older than him!” interjected Diana unhelpfully “I am not being rude, but the ages of your daughters would suggest your youth is long past! Arthur is not five and twenty and not at all experienced with a woman who would prey upon him!”

“Sidney, Diana…Charlotte! In the course of this afternoon, I find myself quite besotted!” said Arthur happily.  
“Oh, for God’s sake, Arthur, don’t be absurd!” said Charlotte.  
“No, actually,” said I “Let us not keep you from your evening pursuits, Arthur! I am sure the future stepfather of two such active young women should not encourage their mother to be neglectful of their care! You must see to their needs at once. Do not allow us to interfere in a situation of which you are so clearly in complete control!”  
“Sidney!” exclaimed Charlotte and Diana together.  
“No, do go on Arthur! Do not let us inopportune you both another moment! Please make sure to visit Tom and Mary and make your announcement before they hear of your plans from another source. Of course there will be an announcement of your engagement!”  
I hastened to open the front door and a startled Wells turned the carriage around at once.  
Diana put her face in her hands and wept while Charlotte looked at me as though I had grown horns and a tail.  
Arthur stood and for the first time his wide smile faltered. “I do not think we are in that big of a hurry…are we Minerva? I could eat a little something before departing,” said he hopefully.  
Sara Jessup chose that exact moment to drop the soup tureen on the way to the dining room and the crash of china and the slosh of contents against the dining room wall and all over the floor shattered every thought of the planned meal. 

Nothing with more drama could have punctuated the disastrous afternoon until the two of you began howling the neglected cries of the forgotten. Charlotte ran off to collect you both, vexed beyond expression at my apparent dismissal of the situation and those unfortunates involved.  
Mrs Smithfelden and her apparent fiancé left the house at once and I was gratified to see Arthur’s expression falter as he looked back at the house.  
“How could you let Arthur fall into such an obvious trap?” said Diana gulping air and trying to breathe though sobs.  
Charlotte handed over a very unhappy Grace who seemed to mirror Diana’s miserable state. She rocked Ben with an expression of such severity aimed in my direction that no words were required to express her thoughts about the dismissal of my younger brother from the house.  
“Sara? Might you just bring us tea and toast in the library? None of us are especially hungry, I think, and when Wells returns from town can help you mop up the spill in the other room!”

I walked you around the library, rocking and crooning in as much to comfort myself as you, Grace.

“Please explain what you are thinking, Sidney! I want to try to wrap some sense around the events of today,” said Charlotte. “I thought you would try to talk Arthur out of such folly and you sent him off into the night as though you approved of all that might tempt him!”

“Listen, Diana, and have patience with me, Charlotte! It suddenly occurred to me that if we bullied Arthur into letting his ‘beloved’ go the decision for doing so would have forever been blamed upon us! Arthur has never had to navigate an obstacle more vexing than the number of scones to eat at tea. Can we all agree that honorable Arthur would never in any way take advantage of such a woman? If you agree this to be fact, trust me when I say if we trust him he will make the right choice for his future!”

Calmly and quietly they ate a small accompaniment to tea. Diana has disappeared into the guest room for the night and Charlotte has taken you both too bed.

As I write tonight I am hearing the scrubbing in the dining room and the winds ravaging the cliffs outside. I am not absolutely certain I have done any more than wash my hands of this untenable situation but I know for all his ebullience Arthur is a sober man. I believe he will make the right decision for his future, if we but allow him the opportunity.

It is a gamble, I know. If my intentions all fall apart it will be placed squarely at my feet and I will never forgive myself. For this I take full responsibility.

If Mrs Minerva Smithfelden had spent another moment in my home I might be before the magistrate this night for throttling her in the drawing room. I might still consider this a rewarding consequence.

My children, the hope that some good might result from today is my definition of faith. I have absolute faith in Arthur. Now we wait.

Good night my Ben. Sweet Dreams, Grace. Your Papa has made a leap of faith this night. I hope it lands well.


	10. Chapter 10

February 29

We heard nothing from Arthur for three days. Diana became stoic, speaking to me only when necessary to conduct business. She moved home to their house in town hoping her being at home would somehow bring Arthur back to their dwelling.

Mrs Smithfelden had been seen, but none of us accosted her or demanded information.  
Charlotte. ever steady in her support of me and my family, seemed to falter. She seemed unsure if I had not chosen to feed Arthur to the wolves if he might have come to his senses before now.

On top of everything else, Sara and Wells Jessup began acting strangely. Every chore was accomplished with complete and total care. Dinners for the week since the soup debacle had been well prepared and presented. It was if a wave of oppression followed them as they went about their duties and it quite stifled the joy in our home.

A letter from Dulcey and Crowe finally arrived assuring me of their smooth travels and happy days. I will admit that I had not given either of them a second thought in the past days and I was glad for the momentary distraction.

Charlotte just seemed subdued. She sang to the babies and read and kept our home with immaculate care, but as busy as she was, a part of her was elsewhere. I was not invited to follow.

Tom and Mary sent a note to inquire about Arthur and I had had to admit in my response we had not seen him for several days. Diana had gone straight to Tom demanding his action and Tom had been reticent to become involved. If Arthur had been a Sanditon building, Tom would have had an inspiration for salvaging it. As the situation was, the actions of a younger brother left him stymied. He was unable to make a single suggestion. 

I watch Wells walk from the back door into the carriage house with a steaming mug of tea and a parcel from the kitchen. In a few minutes Sara followed him with her hands full of a cloth wrapped tray. It worried me that the two of them seemed to be unwilling to even take a meal in our kitchen and I went to Charlotte to express my concern about their erratic behavior. We found two places set at the kitchen table and Charlotte said, quite archly, “Sidney, are not there other situations that require more of your concern?”

Yes, I suppose there are. There should be. 

James Stringer came this morning to look over the new property and to make suggestions about a small change I wished to make to the tract on the side of the walk. It is my hope that a rustically terraced trail might be built all the way down to the beach and he shook his head at the ambitious thought.

“I am sure it can be done, Sidney. If you are not requiring the completion by the start of summer, I will spare men as their other projects fall away. Would you like the object of this sketch finished by April ?”

“If at all possible…and it is a surprise, so the less said the better.”  
He looked at me before shaking my hand. “My keeping secrets has never been a problem, Sidney. He grinned then, which waved the potential bite behind his words.  
There was little I could say. To my knowledge, Charlotte had not mentioned the fact that we were with child and I had no idea what he might know.  
“Thank you, James. I appreciate your time.”  
He walked back toward town, whistling. I watched him depart, his carefree happiness almost evident in his every stride.

A movement in the carriage house caught my eye as I came through the back garden. At that point Wells stepped out of the kitchen kissing Sara as he departed on family errands for Charlotte in town. Four steps closer to the house I stopped short. The thought that the man who broke into our house last year hid in our carriage house for many weeks gave me pause and I backtracked, looking in the window of the lower floor. 

I could just make out a motion from the carriage and I entered making as much noise as possible.  
“Show yourself,” I yelled, “I am armed!”  
The hoof pick in my hand would be more effective thrown at someone's head if I could aim, but I held it in my hand like a stiletto. I jerked open the carriage door and pulled back the heavy woolen blanket.

The cowering man beneath the shroud, sat up on the seat and said, “Good Lord, Sidney! You scared the hell out of me!”

“Arthur!” I hugged him. ‘Why are you in our carriage house?”

“I have been here a few days and the Jessups have taken good care of me.”  
“Well come into the house! I know Charlotte will want to see you!”  
He was disheveled and needed a bath but he sheepishly followed me in the back door and straight through to the library.  
Charlotte came into the room and handed you, Grace, to me before embracing him warmly.  
“Arthur, are you alright?” said she with real concern.  
“I am fine… a bit afraid… a lot embarrassed!” He put his head in his hands and bent forward from the chair he fell onto as though fending off illness.  
“I was flattered by Minerva’s attention and thought, I actually believed, she might feel an instant connection with me. But when we started back to town the other night I realized I did not feel the same and when Wells Jessup deposited her at her dwelling, I stayed in the carriage and came back here.”

“Wait… You have been living in our carriage? For three days?” Charlotte was incredulous. “Why did you not knock on our door?”  
“Sara…would you prepare a bath for Arthur and then I will come up with something suitable for lunch…when Wells returns, send him out again to bring Diana to Windswept. I know she will be eager to see Arthur, but just have her come for lunch. No details why.”  
“Yes, ma’am.”

Arthur was soon sorted out and Diana was delighted to see him. It was all very simple and he had no idea that Mrs Smithfelden had a plan of her own until he, Arthur, realized he was being trapped in a cage of his own making. Running away seemed to be his only possible course of action. He just could not think of anywhere he could run. Wells Jessup had actually said, “Run away to Windswept, tis the best place me and Sara could imagine.”

“I must tell you, brother. I think the Jessups feel you will cast them out for hiding me. I beg you, do not judge them harshly for an idea I so heartily embraced,” said Arthur, softly.

“Wells and Sara have taken good care of you then?” I asked. I sounded severe even in my own head and when Arthur only nodded, I called them both into the room.  
Charlotte walked to me and looked deeply into my eyes. If it was a message, I missed it. I had a heart already full of things I wanted to say. In a moment they stood among us. Sara was studying the floor and Wells looked up at me with nothing short of total trepidation.  
“Do you like being here at Windswept?”  
“Yes, sir,” they chorused.  
“Have we treated you well in the past two months or overlooked anything you might need?”  
“No sir, Mr Parker. Not a thing could we want for.”  
“Look at me, please. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of my brother! Please do not ever think you will be sanctioned or dismissed for taking care of my family when I am unable to provide that help myself.”  
“So… we kin stay then?” asked Wells.  
“Absolutely,” said Charlotte.  
I was bowled over by a dual embrace and felt embarrassed that they had worried. They departed hand in hand for the back of the house, leaving a relieved Arthur in front of us.

“Arthur, are you engaged to Minerva Smithfelden?” asked Diana.  
“I am not,” he answered simply.  
“Does she know that without a single doubt?” asked Charlotte. When Arthur shrugged, it was Charlotte's call to action.  
“C’mon Diana. We are going to make a call on Minerva Smithfelden! Sidney, please take care of our babies. I will return before dinner!”  
They headed toward town at a march and Arthur and I sat in front of the library hearth, holding you children and wondering how the Parker brothers always fall into every situation that tests our very essence. I for one, am most thankful that we have come so far, veritably unscathed.

A half hour had passed in comfortable silence.  
“Sidney?’ Arthur said, “What do you think Charlotte will say to her?”  
“Arthur, I can tell you, without a doubt, that Charlotte communicates quite clearly when she is angry or feels like someone she loves has been harmed. We can rest assured when she returns Mrs Smithfelden will have a clear picture of where things stand, with you and the rest of the Parker family! I can honestly say none of us will joke about Mrs S and her effect on our family again!”

“I am so pleased Diana has found the thing she wants to do! She has lovely taste, you know, and you will be pleased to partner with her. I hope to find the thing I am supposed to do.” said Arthur.  
“I would not mind having several children if they came to me readymade. I am not sure about going about it, and I do not feel like I am capable of navigating a romance,” he added.  
“Charlotte and I seem to have mastered the art of creating babies, Arthur. By the end of summer there may be two more here that will need the attention of a dear uncle, so you may fulfill all the longings for baby hugs your heart desires.”  
“Sidney,” he responded wonderingly, “Twins?” He blushed and added… “Four babies under the age of two?!”  
“I am well aware of the math, Arthur! We have not told our families, so I must ask you to hold this knowledge close to your heart.”  
He expressed delight and I was glad I had given him the gift of our secret to think upon.  
Sara helped me settle the babies and Arthur and I shared a generous tea while we waited on Charlotte’s return.

The afternoon had rolled toward dusk when the door opened and a blast of chilly air preceded her though the house.  
“I could use a cup of tea,” said she, carefully neutral. I poured and she settled by the fire.  
“Arthur, Diana expects you home tomorrow afternoon and we welcome you to stay one more night with us…but in a guest room, not in the carriage.”  
“I am awaiting your update, wife! Arthur and I are sitting on pins and needles to hear what happened!”

“Reverend Hankins accompanied us, a rather astute idea of Diana’s, and Mrs S dared not lie in front of the Vicar! We asked her, pointedly, if Arthur had in any way compromised her and if he had in fact proposed. When her answer was a negative response to both questions, we stood to leave. It was then she asked if I had come to call without my cricket bat and it was all I could do not to slug her.”

“Before I could think of anything to say, Reverend Hankins said, ‘Mrs Parker left the bat where it might be easily retrieved if needed, but all is now settled here, is it not?’”  
I chuckled out loud and thought I would make a point of expressing my thanks when next I meet Reverend Hankins.

“Mrs Smithfelden suggested she was not really finding a niche here in Sanditon, neither for her daughters nor herself, and Diana suggested she might be more at home on the outskirts of London where there might be more opportunities for them.”

“Should we require a new defense against the French, I shall nominate Charlotte and Diana as Generals in the cause!” said Arthur warmly.  
“The next time you choose to fall in love in one afternoon, Arthur, will you climb the hill to visit us instead? I shall gladly protect you from such a notion,” said Charlotte, laughing, “Besides falling desperately in love should take at least a week!”

Arthur hugged her, seriously touched by her care for him and of course, I followed up with a kiss.

I will allow her to defend the family against all threats, international or domestic, and I am very proud that she is ours, my children.  
I have always considered her more of an Admiral, than a General, but in complete command, nonetheless.

The week has left me very weary and now blessed with relief. My bed, and my beloved, wait.

Good night, Ben. Good night, Grace.


	11. Chapter 11

March 5

Alison and James Stringer are now delighted parents of a baby boy, Jamison Frederick. He is a chunky lad and cries heartily, and thus announced himself to the whole of Back Street. Mother Heywood returned just in time, and the entire production seemed to go off without the terror of my experience on the day Grace joined the world.  
On the morning Jamison was born, I reached over to pull my wife to me, unhappy with how fleeting was the night, and felt a definite bump beneath her gown. It was not a small or shy protuberance but a proclamation that would not be content to hide behind loosened stays and flowy house dresses. Charlotte looked as though she had swallowed a large orange melon. I turned sideways in the bed and talked to the bump.

“Well, hello young Parkers! You are certainly ready to be acknowledged! What is it we should call you then? Are you a pair or are you a rather large singular addition? What? Not willing to greet your Papa? Perhaps a little bit of tickling will wake you up!”

Charlotte greeted the day with giggles and gasps. She was eager to see Alison and to allow our news to finally be shared among the family. To my total amazement, Lady Denham had not breathed a word. 

We trekked together to town, leaving you babies with Sara and Wells. Charlotte was eager to meet Jamison and I wanted to congratulate James. We were trapped, quite happily between the mundane and the adventure of life. We were still enraptured by each other and blessed by the promise of another day.

Alison was pleased for Charlotte’s news and her mother shared her best wishes as well. I noted the brief hesitation in her manner that seemed to speak volumes to me: ‘Already?’ I heard her Mother’s thought as though it was spoken.

We then traversed to Dr Fuchs office where he encouraged Charlotte, with me standing nearby, to rest. “I do not mean run up and down the path to your house only once a day, I mean, Frau Parker, that you walk, only walk, the path to Sanditon House and home. No further. Please tell your mother we will welcome her back to town toward the end of July!”  
“July?” exclaimed Charlotte, “I thought the end of August or September!? Is something wrong?”  
“Certainly not, but I want you to be very careful. Twins sometimes come early and I want you both to be prepared for anything! Your size indicates we are most certainly dealing with twins!” He put his finger to the side of his nose as though imparting a mysterious truth.

After we called in at Trafalgar House to share our happy news with Tom and Mary, Henry and James climbed my lap to inspect the pockets of my waist coat for treats. The treats were discovered and my nephews disappeared to share their spoils with their sisters.

“Perhaps, my dear,” said Tom, “Sidney has convinced me that we need a dentist to set up shop in Sanditon!”

I was trying to remove the remnants of orange marmalade from my whiskers happily shared by Jame's little fingers and missed the wink between the three of them.

“Now, see here Tom, I think you should wait…”  
“Do not worry, Sidney! Dr Fuchs has recently mixed some powders for dental care and Mary is sure that the children will learn to utilize it in ways that will assure treats from the Emporium can continue for years!”

“You both are not here to talk teeth, though, are you?” asked Mary.  
I put my arm the back of the divan, not actually touching Charlotte but supporting her while she answered.  
“Mary, Tom, we have come to tell you-- there are more Parkers on the way!”  
Mary sat back looking at us and Tom looked up smiling. “Congratulations! We will be most delighted to meet him…or her! When shall we expect this new Parker?”  
“Tom, Charlotte said ‘Parkers’…as in more than one! Did I hear you correctly?”  
“Yes Mary,“ said Charlotte “We are expecting twins and Tom, they will arrive in late August, we think.”  
Mary was happy for us but reticent to express great joy. She no doubt thought about her own children and the challenges of four spaced apart and the work of four, like ours, who would be so close in ages.  
“Perhaps we might send Bess to you?” offered Mary, “She would like to be more of a baby nurse and far less of a governess and we could begin our inquiry now for a governess to replace her now,” said Mary.  
“Oh, yes, if Bess is willing! Thank you.”

“What are you thinking. Brother,” asked Tom. “Your mind seems to be adrift?”  
“No indeed, Tom! I just was trying to picture what I might have said should someone have told me five years ago I would have my mind and heart full of Charlotte and babies! I would have thought they were drunk! Now, I cannot imagine my life any other way.”

It is true, my children, and I will strive to be ever mindful of the gift.

Tom sent his carriage up the hill to return Charlotte to Windswept and I went to the Emporium. Diana was discussing flowering vines for an arbor and Willis was up a ladder, stacking bales of cotton cloth and muslin.  
There was a packet waiting for me from Babington and I ripped through the large wax seal to devour his words.  
First, he announced the birth of Edith who arrived on the last day of February. Esther and baby were fine. Charles was most happy to be a big brother, but Ruby thought she might send Edith away, unsure as she is about another rival for their father’s affection.  
Babers wants to explore purchasing a book store in Brighton and move the entire shop, shopkeeper, family, and brisk business to Sanditon and hopes I might supply the man and his family with a suggestion of addresses for such an establishment.  
I think I will put him in touch with John Riley Haywood, Charlotte’s brother. He will know more about the availability of such addresses and Babington met him at our wedding.  
Passing a couple of men pushing a cart up the tract from town, I thought how blessed I am to be able to pass my evenings with my wife and children, buried in my books or writing about my day. I am aware, more than ever, that there is an enormous disparity for the men in our town. Those fortunate enough to provide for their families are often unaware of those who plod through each day, hoping for anything that will make their lives more bearable.  
At the top of the rise I passed an empty cart being pulled along by Stringer's men heading back toward town at almost a run. I nodded greeting and moved from the path so they might keep their pace with all possible speed. As I walked onto our path, Wells and Charlotte came into view as they instructed to other workers in the digging of a bed for plants that led to the front door.  
“Hello, my darling,” said Charlotte happily, “Two or three more wagons of loamy soil mixed in with sand and we will have the perfect soil for our roses and herbs and all will grow right at our doorstep!”  
“Charlotte are all these men running up and down the ridge from town delivering dirt?”  
“Oh yes! James told me they were looking for a site to dump excess soil and when I discovered it was not all sand, I thought to supply a place where they might dump it!”  
“Oh, and I am paying the delivery fees from my pin money, so you need not worry about the expense!”  
She was smiling at me with an enormous smudge on her nose. Both hands were covered in soil and she held them out away from her body. As Wells turned the corner toward the back of the house, I took full advantage of our moment alone to kiss her thoroughly before walking into the front door.  
I watched her from the drawing room, pushing the edges of her flower beds into shape and happily chatting with the men doing her bidding.

I have married a woman who would rather spend her pin money on mounds of abandoned dirt than a new dress or bonnet and I found the thought of her creating something we will all enjoy for years made me very happy.  
“Sara, will you fill the bath in the dressing room for Mrs. Parker? And add those salts with the verbena and rosemary she likes. I will help her wash her hair.”  
Wells and Sara no longer mind our open closeness and my direct referral to my intimacy with my wife no longer gives Sara pause. The sudden thought of Bess pops into mind and I laugh at how we will, no doubt, offer a bit of a shock after her experiences with the formalities of Trafalgar House.

Charlotte came in and rinsed her hands in the wash bowl rubbing her nails to clean them. She had not even glanced in the looking glass to notice the very appealing smudge on her nose.  
I absolutely helped her bathe, rubbing my hands through her hair and leaving my favorite spot of dirt for last. She looked rosy and Rubenesque when she folded herself into her robe.  
I gathered her to me and then I said, “Charlotte, I am going to speak to James tomorrow about your glorious piles of dirt. Please do not spend your money on any more of it. I will arrange it all you must simply instruct his men where to place it.”

“Thank you, Sidney. I think you might take me away from Willingden but you can not take Willingden from me!”  
“That very well may be, my love, but I will exact my cost for your mounds of earth.”  
“Oh?” said she, turning toward me with a smile. “Name it Sidney! I always pay what is due!”  
“Every pile of dirt…how many were there today? Nine? Yes, every pile of dirt equals one afternoon of absolute rest.” She was brushing her hair and the curls were springing around her head like a wreath.  
“I will never get anything done if I accept this bargain! You will baby me into slothfulness and I would far rather toil in my garden!”  
“Then I will stop the process at once!”  
“That is just mean spirited of you! Why would you try to limit me? Is my hobby not acceptable enough for you? Must I play the piano or embroider doilies to be acceptable?”  
I could see our very intimate evening turning into a temperamental misunderstanding. Her chin was quivering and I needed to make her see my point and avoid the fight.  
So of course, as is my nature, I said the wrong thing. “Do not be a gump, Charlotte! I want to take care of you and our babies you carry! Let Wells help you and our bargain will be struck.”  
I ducked as the brush sailed past my ear and debated just leaving while I was not bruised! Instead I just picked her up and put her in bed, rubbing her back until she fell asleep, sniffling until her even breathing allowed me to move to my desk.  
My Grace and Ben, the next days will be full of all the moments on which a family is built. I wish to be the architect of this process and instead I must be content to be a worker! I felt I might talk my way into the foreman position but that has proven to be a more difficult position to attain than I had imagined.

I want to go back to your mother after having marked down this afternoon as one that I realized I know everything there is to know about very little! A woman in the process of carrying babies is experiencing more than I can imagine.  
What I do know is the word gump will never again leave my lips in this house.

Good night my children, until tomorrow.  
Papa


	12. Chapter 12

8 March

A Friday morning has never been brighter. I lingered at Windswept this morning waiting on the mule carts that were due midmorning and enjoying the changing colors spring always brings to the cliff tops outside of our window.

Barefooted, I padded through the house to retrieve a gurgling Ben who was happily greeting the morning with the language of happiness he always speaks. His eyes sparkle and I wonder at this handsome boy who started life so precariously. 

I kiss Charlotte awake, leaving a cup of tea by the beside and I cross to the fireside to rock and croon to this little fellow, our gift. Who will he be? Who were his people before he became a Parker? The wonder of it all is that it matters not whether he came to us by clifftop or womb, the love we feel for him is unerring.  
I pass him to Charlotte and go get my Grace.  
“Was that a smile for Papa, darling girl? Good morning!” This tiny brown eyed child is instantly wide awake and interested in all around her. Ben likes to be held, cuddled in my neck. Grace prefers to face forward looking out toward the world. She seems to be an eager participant in the world around and I marvel at her beauty as she faces the day.  
We all trundle in with Charlotte, me partially dressed children nestled snuggly between us.  
“Sidney, erm… does the Emporium carry such necessities as hairbrushes?” asks Charlotte quietly.  
“Why do you ask, my love?”  
“The other day, when I quite lost my temper at your willingness to bully me, I seem to have broken the handle on mine and it no longer will untangle my locks. I would really like to purchase another.”  
I suppose my smile was too much for her to take and she said, “Please? I should not have attempted to assault you… and I am most sorry.”  
My hoot of laughter instantly got her back up. “Charlotte Parker, if you had hit me in the head you would count your loss of brush as a triumph!”  
“I am sorry,” she said miserably, “and I hope you will forgive me.”  
“Oh, I do not know about that, Charlotte. That lapse might come in handy should I make another of my repetitively idiotic remarks that keep me in trouble with you. I might need some blackmail! What will our children say one day when they hear their Papa married such a harpy? Once pregnant all faculties of her self control is lost and she becomes a shrew! They will be destroyed to learn of your frailties!”  
She launched herself on me, as much as she could with you babies between us, and laughed in spite of herself. “I am awful, though, and I owe you an apol…” I cut her off, kissing her deeply.  
“I can handle these infrequent lapses, Charlotte. I love you and I have no way to understand what it is like to build a person from scratch, as you carry on as though this amazing miracle is not happening hidden from sight. I will only, and always, want what is best for you regardless of how poorly I may express the desire to do so.”

I held you all close. The weight of you in my arms, the fulness of my heart and the complete and utter happiness of the moment will be stowed away for frequent remembering! I was sated with such domestic felicity, there are no words to express it.  
The duties of the day await, as ever they do, and I finally left our bed to make ready for the day. Charlotte stretched and leaned back against the pillows, arms filled with children and a smile full of joy.

“By the way, Sara will unwrap the bath salts I replenished from town… and the hairbrush I brought home yesterday when I noticed yours was without a handle. This one is silver, like the one my mother had, and I hope you will use it with satisfaction.”

Rarely is she without words and I captured one last kiss before rushing toward the day. Perhaps I have made up for my careless remarks for a least one more day, my children, but it is never ending quest filled with pitfalls, usually of my own making.

That afternoon the carts arrived. More dirt for my beloved and three large slabs of slate that were placed carefully on the cliff top at the end of our walk. Stringer’s men began hammering and Charlotte went to inspect their work at once.  
“I must ask, whatever are you doing?” said she, gesturing the pile of apparent rubble with her arm.  
“We was told to send your questions to Mr Sidney Parker, ma’am, and if you do not mind, we have a deadline should we wish a bonus. So if you do not mind, would you back up?”

The sound of their pickaxes and shovels were clearly heard in the study and in just a few minutes your mother stood before me.  
“Sidney? What are those men doing across from the house?”  
I sat back in my chair to appraise her. “I cannot tell you. You will simply have to trust me.”  
She stood for a moment, beyond the desk. Then, and without questioning, she walked from the room.  
I prepared to walk to town, unable to avoid my business obligations and as I left, Charlotte was pushing her feet into an old pair of clogs. She had every intention of spending the afternoon planning her garden palette and I had made strict instructions for Wells and Sara to make sure she rested.

Arthur was in the Emporium, delightedly looking over Diana’s new acquisitions and her courtyard in which she was displaying many of her outdoor wares. In just a few days she had created an outdoor room that was nothing short of enchanting. I hauled him away with me so that her project would not be interrupted and he happily complimented her as we went.

“I had a thought, Brother,’ I said to him, “Might you consider becoming the buyer of toys and the unusual items children would adore?”  
He sat down before the desk, thinking.  
“I am remembering the rocking horses and the puppet theatre you brought from Italy for the children last Christmas, the dolls from London, card games and hoops. I have never considered these as necessities, but our nieces and nephews might disagree. What do you say, does this interest you?”  
“Let me mull it over, Sidney. I must say, the thought makes my heart bubble with the thought of such fun.”

He walked back through the wares to find Diana and I expected he would consult her with my offer. I would be so pleased, my children, to offer Arthur a happy way to pass time.  
The first crate arrived from Dover today and in it were an amazing array of items from antique candlesticks from Paris, illustrated books from the Sorbonne and a variety of trimmings for hats and pelisses. I know the modiste will purchase them before we might get them shelved.  
Some items were exquisite. Some were beautiful and all were practical. I was taken aback at how well Crowe had chosen the items from France and would be eager to see the rest of his continental acquisitions. 

After depleting the jar of chocolate gorgons for my nieces and nephews and writing to London to order more, I set off for Trafalgar House to see Tom and Mary for a moment. I entered the study to find Tom studying the plans for another group of terrace houses that would face east and hug the coast with a view of the cliffs.

“I am just mulling it over, Sidney! There is no need to crease your forehead with such consternation!”  
“It was a knee jerk response Tom, and hardly fair to you,” I acknowledged.  
“It doesn’t make it easier, you know, being held by such short tether when my ideas seem to march through my brain on behalf of Sanditon.”

James and Henry entered the room having heard my voice and they stood in well behaved calm beside my chair. When I turned to look at both it was my expectation that they climb my legs like a tree in order to get to their expected treats. Not so! Both boys stood respectfully and greeted me with a sideways glance at Tom.  
James finally said, “Good day, Nuncl Sid, do you have anything you wish to offa us?”  
He and Henry were such little men! Dressed in their vests and standing so erect before me that I realized how quickly they were growing up. I shook their hands most seriously before reaching in my coat pocket and holding out the chocolate gorgons James loved.  
“Would you like a chocolate and might you share these with your sisters?”  
They thanked me profusely, but without their familiar rambunctious energy and walked politely from the room. I am almost afraid to return, so quickly are they growing up! They are outgrowing me more with every visit. It struck me like a blow.  
After a short visit with Tom, I turned toward home. 

Nothing happened today that would inspire a song or a piece of art, and yet this momentous thought that time is marching quickly and without pause on any front has me brooding over the speed by which our lives will pass. We must not waste a minute! For ten long years I used my days to speculate on all that I had lost when love was denied to me! I cannot get those days back, as much as I might wish to do so.  
It strikes me now that all I mourned was false and self-absorbed!

My building project under Stringer's direction is already more than I could have planned on my own. I know he knows Charlotte well enough to know what will delight her and I am thankful for his input. 

I walk into Windswept to see Charlotte waltzing Grace in soft and comforting movements. You, Ben, are studying your toes as is your daily habit. The quiet of this haven fills my heart.

There really was nothing left for me to do but join the dance.

I write tonight, a maudlin mess of my own making, so grateful am I for all those moments when I can simply take Charlotte in my arms, and without any need for music, we dance.

Good night Ben. Good night Grace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments have touched me deeply! Thank you for reading my story. It is neither sexy nor modern and yet I hope it reflects a fictional character in the best possible way.
> 
> Sidney Parker has struck a chord with me and I am enjoying weaving these tales around his potential thoughts and actions while enjoying the great love he finds in the days he spends with Charlotte.
> 
> If you like this story, share it. I find I am a bit reticent to do more than post and run! 
> 
> As always, your spending time with me at Windswept means the world.  
> Susan


	13. Chapter 13

10 March

The progress on the surprise for our wedding anniversary was right on schedule. Charlotte stared at the pile encased in a tarp every time we left the house by the front entry. Never once did I see her try to peek beneath the covering. The suspense was vexing her terribly and I quite enjoyed her adamant efforts to make me believe she was ignoring the whole thing.  
“You know,” said she, after the third day, “You might have made it clear that you were paying an additional bonus for keeping the work site neat! I could just pick up some refuse and Wells and I could straighten a bit.”  
Before I could refuse her, Wells stepped in, “Mrs Charlotte, with all due respect, there might be something so special under there you will be highly disappointed if you see it before you’re a s’posed to.”  
I just smiled, which brought that precious chin up and it makes me laugh to think teasing her a bit seems so unfair to her when I am her favorite target for her brand of hijinx.  
“Thank you, Wells! Well said!” I responded.  
It did look rather like a refuse pile, but I will never say so. I trust James and his workers, so we leave well enough alone and trek to Lady D’s for tea.  
“Stop grinning at me, Sidney! It’s very off putting!”  
“My apologies, Madame! Perhaps if you put it out of your mind, Charlotte, you will find it less upsetting,” I responded tartly.  
The elbow in the crook of my arm hit me in the ribs, but she did not follow with a side eye.

Lady Denham was full of advice about the children to come, one bit of which seemed to settle in Charlotte’s heart. She suggested that John Riley be her guest while he is setting up his shop this summer and that he bring along Charlotte’s younger sister, Rachel, to stay when he comes in May.  
“If she grows to like Sanditon as well as James Riley does,” said Lady Denham, “perhaps you will have a willing pair of extra hands at the end of the summer when the twins come. I can well imagine Alison might enjoy occasional help with Jamison. Rachel is old enough to enjoy the Summer Ball, is she not?”  
“Rachel is soon to be fifteen, Lady Denham,” said Charlotte, “but she is quite the tomboy and I think she may not be ready for the requirements of a nursery. We will have Bess come up from Trafalgar House, you know. I will invite Rachel to come to Sanditon when next I write.”

“Lady Susan will return with the Babingtons for the summer, but she plans to travel by her own carriage.” Lady Denham cackled, “I can well imagine the trip from London would not be to her liking with three unhappy small ones in tow.”  
“Just imagine next Christmas, Lady Denham,” said Charlotte, “If there are four babies at our house, three Babington children only slightly older, and a small Stringer, we will have done our part to increase the population on the whole of the southeast coast of England!”  
“Do not discount Mr Crowe! He and Dulcey will have had plenty of time to make plans along these lines as well,” said she, “I do hope I am here to see the newest members of Sanditon grow up a little.”  
“As do I, Lady Denham,” said I, “We can not possibly do without you and I want to be on hand when a team of toddlers are exploring the serpent on your drawing room floor!”  
She laughed, “I better plan a good story, then! It will be my job to spoil them all and terrorize them in good measure with a story about the snake that might come to life when he is witness to truly naughty behavior!”  
“Oh, dear,” laughed Charlotte, “That is a terrifying thought!”  
“Do not worry, my dear, little Charles Babington was not in the least frightened by the possibility of my hungry snake attacking naughty boys and stuck out his tongue at the floor every time he entered. Unless he has totally forgotten my threats, it will not change his behavior whatsoever!”  
Our congenial visit ended after I reported quite happily that Diana was finding her own at the Emporium.  
“I will come and visit soon, weather permitting, and ask her for her help on some upcoming decorating I have in mind for the upstairs hall. Tell her I will see her soon. I would quite like to have more plants in Sanditon House.”  
Our walk home was deliberately slow on my part and Charlotte called me on it at once.  
“Sidney do you really think my walking at a snail’s pace will in any way effect these babies?”  
“I guess not.”  
“Please trust me, I will guard these children with every action I make and I do not need your constant vigilance! I know you have not forgotten my fall on the cliff last year, nor have I. I will be careful! I promise.” 

We walked home in the twilight, slightly chilled but content to be closely linked by arms and hearts. I began thinking about our futures.  
On the cliffs, backlit against a coral sunlit sky plunging toward the sea, was Wells. A fiddle tucked beneath his jaw as he played a haunting tune that echoed over and through us.  
As we reached him the last note hung in the air, holding us both enthralled.  
“Jessup,” said Charlotte quietly, “Why have you hidden that talent?”  
“I dinna have me fiddle. I sold it afore you brought us here when me an’ Sara needed bread. Today Fred brought it back to me! He said Mr Stringer bought it from the baker and now it are home…with me. Twas my Da’s. He taught me how to play.”

“You must come in,” said Charlotte, “and play so Sara can also hear you. A night of music will be a delight.”  
After a light supper we gathered in the library, listening to the sweet and extraordinary, coaxed from a well worn instrument in the hands of a player who uses a bow as though it is an extension of his arm.  
Charlotte held my hand as we soaked in the firelight. And then lay my hand across her stomach. The newest Parkers were enjoying their very first jig with flutters and kicks that filled us with such joy and wonder we laughed and invited Sara to touch.  
Her eyes were like saucers when she said “Ma’am don’t it hurt? Wells can stop if you like!”  
Charlotte laughed and promised all was well. We retired, knowing we could still hear the music after we were tucked away in our room.  
For on and off, for more than an hour, your tiny siblings flitted and twirled beneath your mother’s heart. I held Charlotte until you all fell asleep in my arms. After blowing out the candles in the hall and kissing you both, my babies, I came to write awhile. I relate to you my children the wonder of the small pleasures of another day.

The home I treasure so greatly has become heightened by the music of Wells Jessup and the tunes haunt my mind now that the night is quiet.

How like your Uncle James Stringer to rescue the joy lost to another man! How like him to quietly return the gift with no pretense and no expectation of being repaid. There is much about him I admire the more exposure I have to his quiet kindnesses. What a fine man for Jamison to call father!

Good night my children!  
Sweet dreams, Grace. Blessings, Ben.  
Papa

15 March 

Today as though cued by some hidden maestro of the wood, the trek above the cliff began showing the yellow heads of daffodils poking through the grasses and leading deep into the park at Sanditon House.

Such a sunny flower lifts the mood and I felt lighter as I walked into town. By the door of the Emporium dressed as though turned out by a tailor, stood Arthur. He was leaning on his cane and greeting all who passed him in the street.

“Good day Mrs Heeley! Well met, Mr Jones! Fine day, is it not, Mr Warren!” Arthur seems to sing out his salutations, punctuating each greeting with a smile.  
It always amuses me that I am so naturally taciturn and he is so gregarious by nature. How did our parents encourage such different personalities beneath their roof? Should one ever choose to study four such individuals as the Parkers, four such different people were never linked more closely than are we.

I hug him to me. “What brings you to the Emporium so early, Arthur?”  
“Diana and Willis are already hard at work, although they have not opened the doors, and I find the thought of working with you intriguing! I want to discuss it more fully.”

Within an hour, I had a new toy buyer who will make his first trip to acquire inventory from London by the end of the week. Arthur made plans to travel the continent when Crowe and Dulsey return in May. I was well pleased with his thoughtful approach.  
“What will you do today then?” I asked.  
“This morning I am going to invite myself to tea at Trafalgar House where I will interview my nieces and nephews about the toys they most desire,” said he.  
“Ah, research! Better grab a bag of treats to make their minds more fluid then! James is partial to chocolate gorgons!”

As the afternoon wore on, I felt the need to talk with James Stringer. I found him headed for a short walk on the beach with Alison. He held his son bundled warmly in his arms and the smile on his face was larger than the tiny child he carried.  
“Well met, Sidney! I hope you do not report me for shirking my duties in the middle of the day!” said he.  
“To whom would I report you, since I am here and not in the place I should be? I mark it down to the desire for a bit of spring air after a long winter and I am delighted to see you three enjoying the day!” I said.  
“I hear the men have almost finished the…uh, project, for you.” he said. I realized he has not shared the plans with Alison and I quickly changed the subject.  
“Good, good…the reason I am here is to thank you for the insight shown in returning his father's fiddle to Wells Jessup. I heard him play last night and he is truly gifted.”  
He blushed, embarrassed for his good deed to be discovered. 

“Yes, well, when finally I asked about the unusual collection of items at the bakers and realized they were traded for food, I could not turn my back on those whose hunger drove them to give up prized possessions! There were tools and pieces of silver flatware, a few books, and that fiddle. I bought them all with the plan to return every item to their homes.”  
“Yes,” added Alison softly, “All the items were returned to their owners and the baker was pleased to clear his shelves.”  
“You are the best of men, James Stringer! I would like to offset your cost by-“  
He cut me off. “No, Sidney. This is what we could do. Next time we may be unable to intervene. This time we could share as we were able.”

I turned back toward town, remembering how Charlotte’s father had encouraged generosity as part of the way I conducted business. Charlotte would know where we might be needed and I hope to put a plan in motion that will prevent the baker, or anyone else in town, from accepting pawned belongings in exchange for food needed for anyone trying to feed their families; Not in Sanditon and not while I might be able to help.

“Wooowhooo, Mr Parker!”  
Oh, dear lord! I thought she had moved!  
“Greetings, Mrs Smithfelden,” said I, looking for a path of escape.  
“I have decided to purchase a house on the western end of town and my girls and I are eager to become upstanding members of the Sanditon town we have adopted.”  
“I am still looking for something to do, you know, so should you find the need of my help, in any way, you simply have to say the word.”  
I overcame my reflex to shudder.  
“I hope you will find yourself and your family at home here,” I said, turning away.  
I did note, as I got further and further away from her that she had not tossed her usual verbal canon ball and I hoped it marked a positive change in her personality for the future.

Dr Fuchs welcomed my short visit quite happily and my stomach rolled as I caught a whiff of his boiling pot.  
“That smells like it belongs in a cauldron!” I said, waving a hand in front of my face.  
“It is boiling sheep bladders from which to make a shroud for the male genitalia. I believe, might I sew them together, they might be used to cut down on disease and unwanted offspring, but I have not quite perfected the method for making them stay in place. Why, Herr Parker do you act embarrassed? I thought surely you might champion such an invention!”

“Please, Dr Fuchs! Should I ever need such an item, I will keep your uh, attempts in mind… No, I can not say that I will! Your inventions are not what draws me. I came to ask you about a balm for feet that seem to swell more with the passing of each day. Charlotte will be most uncomfortable by the time summer is here.”

I paid him, putting the salve in my pocket. It was after this interaction that I ran into the vicar.

“Mr Parker! Well met! I hear congratulations are in order for you and your wife!”  
“Yes! We are most pleased, and I fear, more than a little ill-equipped for the prediction of twins, Sir.”

“Mr Parker, Sidney! You should know that the good Lord, in all omnipotence, never gives us more than we might handle! We only have to accept the fact that it may seem so. Have faith that all will work out in exactly the way the dear Lord plans!”

“I wish that were something I truly believe and not just a sentimental statement.”  
He put his hand on my arm in a friendly fashion before saying, “Ah, Mr Parker! Who better to teach us how to parent than the Father of us all? Good Day!”

What kind of man am I, that can feel such consternation for the plight of so many facing hunger and feel such deep dislike for Mrs Smithfelden with the same vehemence? What does this range say about me as a man?

After dinner Charlotte sat with her feet in my lap as she reads from Christopher Marlowe,

‘It lies not in our power to love or hate,  
For will in us is overruled by fate.  
When two are stripped, long ere the course begin.  
We wish that one should love, the other win;  
And one especially do we affect  
Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:  
The reason no man knows; let is suffice  
What we behold is censured by our eyes  
Where both deliberate, the love is slight:  
Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?’

In between her toes I rubbed Dr Fuchs salve and the tops of her feet. It smelled pleasantly of honeysuckle and mint and she wriggled her ticklish feet happily.

“Do you believe you loved me at first sight?” she asked, wonderingly.  
“Perhaps my heart began to long for you then, but I will admit my mind was most determined to find fault with everything you said!”  
“Sidney, are you serious? You chose to be as brutish as you were? It was not a natural response to my direct and opinionated comments?”  
“Charlotte, it took few weeks for me to realize the freckles on your nose, those I noticed when first we met, were on the same face on which were the most distracting lips that spoke truth from a brain far more observant than my own. My heavens, your eyes! They were filled with lightning and starlight, sunshine and storm! Sometimes all were displayed in the course of an hour, and as much as I disliked what you might say, the vessel pronouncing the words that stilled the mind of an outlier, began to weave a tapestry in my soul of such goodness and hope that I had loved you deeply for many weeks before I recognized the truth of the matter.”  
“Oh, Sidney! To think we came so close to losing this love!”  
“And did you, Charlotte, love me at first sight?”  
“Honestly? You were the most handsome man I had ever seen, but I found it quite the loss that  
such an attractive gentleman could be so hollow and mean! You grew on me! Your good opinion meant more to me than I understood and I seemed to unintentionally enrage you at every turn. I, too, had loved you many weeks before I knew the amazing blessing of such love. And then, you were lost to me.”

She sat up and kissed me with the subtle grace that reaches deep within me every time and brings my heart home.

There is a fragile thread that holds loving lives together, my children. It is not always something as great a fire that threatens love, but something far more subtle.  
The leaking of respect, the drip of discontent or the wonder of what might have been with another when the question becomes more enticing that the solid being in front of you.  
My life would never have been as blessed without your mother! Love at first sight requires the will to move beyond the obvious to the connective cords beneath. I am so tangled in the ropes of Charlotte’s love that I will never wish for more than to become tied more tightly to her.

I write tonight, sobered this week of the anniversary of our wedding, by the very real thought of how it easily this love might have eluded us both. How grateful I am for Charlotte’s presence in my life.

I have left her dozing in front of the library fireside and it will be my pleasure to carry her to our bed.

Good night, Ben. Good night Grace.  
Papa


	14. Chapter 14

21 March

Before dawn this morning Barker Parker had to go inspect a distraction outdoors. On occasion he bays, like a hound, at other times he prefers to communicate through incessant barking. Only away from the babies are his canine pursuits evident, for when he sits between them as sentinel and friend, his loyalty is without question, and he seems to smile without the need for noise.  
After having just pulled on my boots I followed the dog along the 25 meters or so to my ‘project’. The distance was covered quickly and I found that the tarps had been removed and the men were loading the last of their tools on the cart for the return trip to town starting their day early.  
A single step down led to a jetty of slate as large as our drawing room, supported by a rock foundation. There were built in seats offering a panoramic view of the cliffs and beach below. It would be naturally shaded by the holly and a gnarled hawthorn surrounding it and the rising and setting of the sun would color the sky each day like a show. The junipers had been left undisturbed by all the wrestling of stone and the whole thing looked as though it had been a part of these cliffs for a long while.  
It was my hope that this alfresco living space would enable Charlotte to enjoy her beloved coastline without exerting herself by walking too far from home, at least this summer.

I had turned around to go back up the walk when I noticed a wooden trough built toward the back of the space. I stood for a moment trying to visualize what James might have been thinking when this was added to our plan. How obvious Parker! I was a simpleton not to realize! Of course! The box would serve as rudimentary baby bed allowing a nap to continue without requiring a hike back to the house. There was shallow railing that wrapped the entire space making it safe for many sizes of visitors and I was delighted that my original idea had turned out so very well under James direction!

Barker finished his inspection and we headed back to the house.

Sara was brewing a pot of tea and the morning was starting much as it ever does.

I walked back to our room to see why Charlotte lingered. She was dressed and ready for the day with an unusual parcel in her hand.  
“I wanted to give you this, Sidney, to mark the happiest day of my life! Happy Anniversary!”  
It was a delicate painting of our cliff walk, the color was swirling gray and blue a strip of sky and green that seemed pressed from footprints. It was beautifully rendered. The place where I met her, kissed her for the very first time and where she left me to suffer as I had never suffered. It was the one spot on earth where the very stones near the path knew our story.  
To anyone else who will see it in my study, it will be an attractive landscape, perhaps familiar or of little consequence. To me it is the picture of the crossroads of my life.  
“Thank you, my love! You know how much this of all places means to me? Who painted it?”  
I asked.  
She blushed and answered, “I did. It is perhaps quite simple, but it is a place indelibly planted in my heart.”  
I pulled her to me. “You are always surprising me, Charlotte! I will always treasure it!”  
“Come,” I said pulling her through the house, “I want you to see what all the tarps have been hiding!”  
We walked across the tract together and she touched every inch of the space, tried every seat and trailed her fingers along the rail.

It was then her tears registered! I was shocked, so sure had I been that it would please her!

“I am simply never able to match the gifts you so freely give to me, Sidney! You love with me with such generosity and so completely! How simplistic must my presents always seem.”  
I picked her up and placed her in my lap along the bench at the back of the space I already loved.  
“Charlotte, please tell me you understand that you are the gift! The only one I will ever need! This is nothing but artfully piled rocks and wood! It can never compete for the woman who has built my life into something extraordinary.”  
“Sidney it is already my new favorite place! Thank you.”

As we were standing up, we heard, “WooooWhooo, Parkers!”  
Minerva Smithfelden, driving a single pony cart was climbing the last part of the tract. We greeted her while she climbed to the road in front of us and I felt Charlotte grip my fingers while we waited her announcement of why she was here.

“What a pretty little overlook!” she said, looking at the outcropping from where we walked.  
“With little effort it might be turned into an attractive place to perch! You might consider it! I would happily share ways you might accomplish it if you are so inclined.”  
“How kind of you,” said Charlotte, “We will keep your offer in mind.”

The sheen of tears so recently glazing Charlotte’s mercurial eyes was gone and in place of this emotion was a spark of mischief as she waited to hear what might be said. I stood back to await what might happen next.  
“I wonder what tempted you up our hill this early morning?” said Charlotte.  
“I actually popped in on the good Lady Denham, but her footman tells me she is still abed! I am quite sure she would have made haste to meet with me had she only known the importance of my visit, but her footman would not even announce me! Her butler must have the morning off which might explain the apparent rudeness of that fine house and I will make her aware of it when next I am able.” 

At that moment Sara looked out to beckon us to breakfast and there was no way not to include the woman at our table.  
“Join us, won’t you, Mrs Smithfelden, for breakfast?” said Charlotte, gesturing toward our house.  
“I sure could use a cup of tea,” said she, “and I have quite a taste for anchovy paste, so I hope you have some on your table.”  
I did not trust myself with a glance in Charlotte’s direction, so I opened the front door holding it wide until they both passed me, entering the hall. I focused on the floor, listening.  
“Sara, would you set an extra place at our table? We have an unexpected guest.”

My anniversary breakfast had been commandeered with little effort and there was nothing I could do without appearing to be rude. However, I was sorely tempted. I know from experience Lady Denham rises with the dawn and had most probably chosen to avoid the woman now entrenched at our table.  
“I have a project for you, Parkers! I want to start a school here in Sanditon and I believe the two of you, along with Lady Denham, are just the three to bring my vision to life.”  
She had buried her eggs beneath the last of the anchovy paste and was slavering her toast with marmalade so thick it might have served as mortar.  
I found a cup of tea was all I could tolerate and marveled at Charlotte’s appetite when her casual breakfast was so rearranged.  
“By my count,” said the lady continuing, “There are a great number of children in this town who could benefit from my extensive knowledge and absolute magnificent taste. I want to hold the daily school at Sanditon House and I want you two, Lady Denham, and perhaps a few others, to pay for it.”  
The nerve of the woman took my breath away, but Charlotte simply smiled at her encouragingly.  
“Sanditon House, aside, for I can not speak for Lady Denham in any way, what gave you this idea Mrs Smithfelden?” asked Charlotte.  
“Well, I am not blind! You are obviously going to produce a child a year and at this rate no one in town will have more potential students than you Parkers, so we should get a jump on it, if you know what I mean.”  
I stood straight up, I could not help myself, and knowing Charlotte would fill me in on the details of their discussion later, I nodded and left for town.  
I do not want that woman to teach my children anything and I wonder how many days it would take her, as the leader of a classroom, to undo every sweet and innocent dream of childhood! When I reached the center of town I turned left and went straight to the vicarage.  
Reverend Hankins listened, fingers steepled in front of his nose, listening and thinking while I talked for more than half an hour.  
“First of all, Sidney, I will remind you of a proverb from the Bible of which I am most fond. ‘Keep thy heart with all diligence for out of it are all the issues of life’ he recited.  
I was trying to be patient with his need to preach a sermon and I was a little short when I responded.  
“Alright, it sounds like a nice adage, but I do not know how it relates.”  
“Nowhere in all the pages of the Good Book does it say you must like every fellow human being! We are encouraged to LOVE everyone, wish no harm on our enemies, be fair with all people and treat everyone as we wish to be treated. You are a student of many cultural works, are you not? Might you agree this philosophy is the foundation for many religions in the world?”  
“I do believe that ...yes,” I answered.  
“Then guard your heart from all that would infiltrate your joy and happiness! You must protect yourself from any challenges to your life of joy, of the lessons you wish to teach your children, the people and experiences who come into their lives. It is as much your job to steer them away from those who might hurt them as it will be to steer them to those who will bring them love.”  
I stood silently for a moment, mulling over all he had said, “I owe you a hearty thank you for backing up my wife when she spoke to that woman on behalf of Arthur.”  
“No thanks are necessary! Your wife is able to handle all that is thrown in her path, in my opinion! It is no sin to dislike and avoid another person. Surely you know that!”  
“Yes. For that I am most grateful.”  
“Go in peace, Sidney! You are afraid you might step wrong and I have told you before: when you purposely choose to be fair and kind, you will not falter.”  
How much easier to be an outlier, when there were no expectations that did not destroy and the hopes for kindness from me for everyone who crossed my path were always dashed.

***  
I met Diana as I entered the Emporium.  
“Well, Brother! Tell me how Charlotte liked her big surprise?”  
“I think she will enjoy it, but I am not sure I really know her complete response! I had only shown her the site when Mrs Smithfelden showed up, stayed for breakfast and brought her own brand of infuriating conversation into our lives, so I left her with Charlotte and came to town.”  
Diana looked at me with her eyebrows raised all the way to her hairline. “Oh Brother, I can well imagine that Charlotte will handle all that woman may toss out on the table…but I wonder at your willingness to pay the piper when you get home! Charlotte may not appreciate your defection!”  
“I can well imagine how that might be Diana, but I could not abide that woman for one more moment and rather than throw her bodily out the front door, I choose remove myself from her presence! She had first been to see Lady Denham and Lady D would not even receive her at all!”

“Perhaps your instincts are better than are mine or Arthur’s! We take Front Street to the beach in order to sneak home the back way and avoid the potential of seeing her, altogether!”

“Do you find yourself missing the wise advice of our parents? I swear I find myself trying to conjure our parents now more than I did after first they passed! Here I am, a father myself, and I do not have the confidence that I can be all that is required,” I told her, softly. “And every day, I long for the joy they would have had if they had lived to know Charlotte.”  
When I turned back to Diana, I realized her memories robbed her of speech and we stood, side by side, unable to do more than face waves of grief we often ignore.  
She patted my arm, before turning away.  
“There are three large wooden crates inside the back door from Francis Crowe and if you will help Willis I will stay here in the front while you go to offer him aid.”

I was overwhelmed by the variety of treasure in the first crate of items from Italy. There were beautiful handblown glass spheres, textiles and books, wooden figurines from a monastery in the north and a variety of table wines.  
The crate from Spain and Portugal was full of useful but simple things. Pitchers and bowls, and unusual cooking vessels and a string wrapped roll of old maps. I was fascinated to see these individually and took the bundle back to the office to look at each one where I might spread them out. 

Napoleon marched across the continent during the French wars leaving many places decimated and his death last year had left many studying how this Corsican whose quest to gain as much land for France as was possible would affect the world. Tom often played naval games with the children and many are the coastal English families who spent years looking toward France with fearful eyes as they prepared against invasion. 

A note fell out from Crowe:  
'Do not sell the maps, Parker! A certain Corsican General  
owned these and I hope that you, Babers and I might offset the  
cost of acquiring them for our own homes.'  
~C~

He had included and extensive inventory and the cost of each item. Willis began busily adding the items into the sections of the Emporium where they best belonged.

I had walked back to greet Jean Marc when I smelled a scent, familiar and cloying.  
“Hello, Sidney,” said Eliza. “I missed you when we came in. May I introduce my husband, Stephen Faucher, the Marquis de Wilmont. We have stopped in to renew our acquaintance with Jean Marc! He is most talented, you know, and our friendship goes back many years.”  
I greeted the gentleman with very little civility, so intrigued was I to understand how they saw fit to be here.  
“Yes, Monsieur, I fear there is a major misunderstanding among us and we wish to clear up all that may fester between us,” said he, “My wife speaks very highly of you and wishes to reacquaint herself with your family.”  
“That very well be true. I will never wish to renew that acquaintance in any regard! My wife and I understand there is no way to criminally tie you to your tax collector who invaded my home and business last year, but I will never forget the assumed intrusion. Please complete your business with Jean Marc and then leave my establishment. I hope you will never return.” 

“Come now, Sidney, surely you do not hold grudges! I hear much news of you from Tom and we regret that we were unable to conclude our business to our mutual satisfaction. There is no reason, not to be friends!”  
“There will never be an enticement toward that end in this lifetime, Mrs Faucher. Please excuse me, I am needed elsewhere.”

The carefree attitude with which the Marquis and his wife returned to Sanditon indicated to me there was no legal impediment that would limit their travels to our town, but by damn, I will avoid them both with every fiber of my being! 

With the roll of maps under my arm I left the business headed for the beach. A walk home while sorting through all the myriad events of the morning was etched across my brow and when I finally arrived, my sullen expression and mumbled acknowledgment of Charlotte sent me fleeing into the study where I closed the door.

An hour passed during which my circular brooding did nothing but enhance my anxiety.

A soft knock on the door announced the arrival of Charlotte, never afraid to accost a beast in his lair, and a few of her soft caresses and a soothing cup of tea brought me back to the land of the blessed where I am most fortunate to dwell.

“We were interrupted this morning before I could tell you how much I adore my room beneath the sky, my love, and I thank you for your thoughtfulness.”  
As is my favorite way to bring her to me, I pulled her into my lap. I loved the weight of her in my arms, the heart beat I felt increase as I kissed her neck and the glory of her rounded belly under my arm. I do not deserve all she is to me and yet without rationalizing how lucky I might be, I simply hold her, shielding my angst from this moment of bliss.

“You are most welcome my love…did Mrs S delight you with suggestions to enhance your new space or did she stick to the subject of her school?"

“After she had eaten all that Sara might feed her, she left. Her plans were to visit the Reverend Hankins and approach her goal by expressing how holy selfless would be all those involved!”  
She snuggled close and giggled. “She did say that if I had several months to go, I must be carrying a litter!”  
“Charlotte, as God as my witness, if I had been here she would have had to swim home after I threw her from the cliffs!”

I showed her the maps before dinner and we hung her painting across from my desk. Afterwards, we spent our anniversary evening soaking in the tub together in front of the roaring fire in our room. We were languid; the warmth and comfort ebbed and flowed between us.  
“The Marquis de Wilmont and his wife visited the Emporium today.”  
I said the words aloud, just to be honest, but also because the very thought of how she would feel if should she hear it from another quarter filled my heart with worry.

“Oh…wait!? Eliza?” she said, splashing water over the sides of the tub in an effort to turn in my arms to face me. "What does she want?"  
“I really believe even she does not know! I got away from them as soon as possible, but I fear the fact that they sought me out means they do not fear consequences for any of their past actions.”

She put her arms around my neck and without speaking shared her contented heart. Eliza will never have any power to come between us again and that thought fills me with peace.

My children. my day seemed to find no waking time with either of you, for when I was home you slept, more pleased with your dreams than any exposure to your Papa!

Just know I will seek to keep you from every harm so that your futures simply sparkle with possibilities that are positive for you both!  
If I am not successful in all of these endeavors I rest easy in the knowledge that your mother has lost none of her abilities to handle a shot gun in our defense should she be needed!

Good night my little ones! When we married we shared many dreams and in none of them could imagine just how much we both love you.

Guard your hearts,  
Papa


	15. Chapter 15

1 April

A shipwreck in the channel has been all the discussion of the town these past two weeks and I cannot account for how it might have happened, because no true story has surfaced among the suppositions.  
There was flotsam and jetsam on our beach, but all the treasures spoken of must have washed ashore some other place for only the debris of The Halcyon Wind filled our coves and sandy ledges. The tide took the rest.  
Townspeople scoured the sands for barrels of liquor or any salvageable materials, but there were none.

This afternoon, following the discovery of the bit of the hull announcing the capsized vessel, I walked home along the beach, interested in the vast number of people so consumed that there might be prizes to be had among the sad detritus of the ship they were quite combing the sands for any thing of merit.

As I turned to scale the path to the cliff walk, I witnessed the last exhausted thrashing of a sturgeon locked inside the puddle left by a tidal pool. He died as I approached and his gills stilled, as the last of the significant pool disappeared in the sand beneath him.  
I have no idea why this struck me so, a fish fighting for life, holding nothing in reserve, gasping for breath, nothing separating him from his demise but a twist of fate, a ride on the wrong wave and stuck for an end in a pool, surrounded by sand, too deep to maneuver.  
It would be a callous action to leave him there and I wrapped his tail within my handkerchief to protect my hand as I hauled him home.

Sara was pleased to add the fish to our potential menu and while I was still brooding over the life of the fish, she informed me that THIS time she would remove the bones after cooking and therefore present a more edible dish.  
There were no words with which I could follow such a statement, but it explained much of the anxiety I felt whenever fish pie had been served these many months.  
In our room I removed my shirt to wash my hands and arms. As much as I loved swimming in the sea, I did not relish spending time with Charlotte smelling like a sea beast.

I was turning from my task when her arms surrounded my midriff and the looking glass captured her smile beneath my arm.  
Her touch is ever like a shock along my skin. She immediately entices and I turn to hug her to my chest.  
“Can I not have a moment to bathe without you stalking me, wife?”  
She laughed as she retorted, “Sidney Parker, in his natural state, is my favorite vision and has been these past years. Hello, you!”  
How pleased I was to have her to myself for just a moment and I told her about the wreck and the excitement in the town. Then I mentioned the fish.  
Charlotte appraised me with seriousness but her eyes, as they always do, gave her true feelings away and she began to tease.  
“My husband, fishing with just a silken square of handkerchief? He has wrestled our dinner from the sea! No hook has he, nor need for net!,” she rasped in her version of a pirate voice, “T’was a female fish, I can well imagine, and she grounded at your feet with no other piscine reasoning than being overpowered by the beauty of the man walking the beach toward her!”  
She scooted away, giggling, after inventing her fish tale and I responded, “Do not be totally ridiculous, Charlotte. The fish is a sturgeon, not a mermaid!”  
“You secret is safe with me, beloved provider! We shall enjoy our handkerchief fish for our supper and I will never mention it again.”

Of course, my children, you will read the truth of this exchange among these pages! When your mother sends you off to the beach with permission to fish with only a handkerchief, realize she is teasing you and take a rod with hook.

We spent the last of the afternoon waiting by the cradle for you dreaming sprites to wake from your naps. The wind was ruffling the library pillows and we grew quite drowsy has we watched.

Grace, it was you who sat right up and before noticing either of your parents began to babel in a tongue so foreign and delightful that we were not surprised when, Ben, you sat up and answered her. It was a moment of such fun and a sobering insight for us both that the two of you can “talk” quite clearly around us. I wonder if we see the beginning of a lifelong habit.

With Ben on my lap, I read the news of London and Charlotte held Grace while you inspected her buttons.

“Sidney, are we eccentric?” she asked.  
“Eccentric, Charlotte? Whyever would you think so?”  
“It was something Minerva Smithfelden said the other day. Before the ‘litter’ comment.”  
When I lowered the paper without speaking she continued.  
“She mentioned that I appear to be a bird, happily captured within a guilded cage. How eccentric of me to want to live on this bluff where you and I have no other apparent society than that of Lady Denham, and no apparent willingness than to make children and drink port!”

“Oh, dear Lord, Charlotte! I hope, at least, you told her we read innumerable books!”  
She giggled.  
I gathered Ben up to join her on the divan and tossing the paper aside, I sat closer so that I might concentrate on all the neighborhood busy body sought to impart while having breakfast at my table.  
“She said I was very young to be ‘saddled so’ and that everyone in town is discussing the fact that I am so content at home.”  
Charlotte noticed my angry blush and reached for my hand. “Please do not trouble yourself, Sidney, by what anyone else may think! I only wonder that she has the time to spend in a study of our family and has the unmitigated gall to express it!”  
Wells Jessup interrupted us then, before I could respond to Charlotte, by announcing the arrival of Lady Denham.

“Good afternoon, you two! I thought I would give you the honor of having tea with me! I want to discuss the harpy’s school idea!”  
Charlotte stood to greet her, kissing the soft cheek and she held my wife by the elbows while appraising her closely. “Is that bump all baby, Charlotte? If so. Sit down at once!”  
“Yes, Lady Denham, it is all Parker babies and I feel as though every inch of me has been pressed into service for their growing comfort!”  
After the good lady was seated in her favorite chair, Charlotte handed over Grace.  
“Well, greetings, Olly Dolly!” she said, and you reached for her smiling.  
What is it, really, about teasing, that makes the personality of one individual bearable, when the best I might wish for another is to pinch their head off at the neck? Lady Denham teases when the same type words from Mrs Smithfelden are abrasive and rude.  
Charlotte said, “Do stay for supper, Lady Denham and I will have Jessup return you to Sanditon House in the carriage should it grow dark! We are having handkerchief fish for dinner and it is quite the delicacy.”  
“Never heard of it!” said she, missing the cheeky glance bestowed on me by Charlotte, “But I do hope Sara removes the eyeballs this time, if she is making pie!”  
I went back to the kitchen and watched in fascination as Sara set aside the sturgeon eggs to salt for garnish and paste. I told her Lady Denham was joining us and she wiped her hands to come out and greet her.  
“Welcome back, Lady Denham.” said she nicely, “I hope you will stay long enough that we might share a tune with you after your meal.”  
When she had returned to the kitchen, Lady Denham asked softly, “When did Sara take up singing?”

“She does not sing, my Lady! She and Wells are quite the musicians! He plays the violin and she the Irish flute. Their tunes are wild and joyful!”  
“I shall listen to them both most happily! What about this school, then, for I have received a letter from Mrs Smithfelden for which I am exceedingly vexed! Are you aware of her presumptions that it is up to us to form the school she envisions! Her aspirations to spend my money in achieving her dreams are nothing short of extraordinary. I have to salute her for her brazen proposition!”  
Before I could put my two pence in, Charlotte answered her.  
“I believe a school would be of tremendous enhancement for Sanditon and the families who are moving here, but I must express my dismay that that particular woman would have anything to say about how we all might educate our young.”  
“What say you, Sidney?” asked Lady Denham.  
“I believe Charlotte has answered most succinctly for me. I believe that woman would choke out any spark of intelligence or curiosity within the course of an afternoon! There would be many a one off child attendees and the school would be over within a week of opening!”  
“We are of one accord,” said she, “And I will be glad to tell the vicar, though why he has a stake in it is a mystery to me! He is an advocate for the school but not so much for the lady! Well, then, we must give her a job that is so fascinating and attractive that she will be unable to imagine doing anything else I have a bit of an idea of her buying my donkey stud and she seems of a mind to consider it!”  
If I were honest children I would leave the list of all the puns and absolute ass jokes that might be conjured on such a notion as this, but I will keep them all to myself, since you are children and they are ladies. I am a gentleman regardless of how often my behavior as such might be questioned!

The handkerchief fish proffered a delightful meal as did the musical interlude afterward. Since we have a few years before a school is too pressing a thought for our family, the fact that it was not mentioned again did not in any way, enter my mind.  
We spoke of the shipwreck and sea adventures, babies and business and the return of our friends for the summer. The brazen Mrs S did not infiltrate our thoughts further this night.  
Lady Denham returned home quite late and we were lying in bed, in the dark, talking as often we do.  
“Sidney, I do not want you to ever wonder if I am content to be here! This is my place on earth, my kingdom, and I want nothing else from life but you and these babies, on these cliffs, above our beach.”

And so my children, I write about this ordinary day, framed in the truth of the unexpected bounty of a fish from the sea and the loveliness of having your heart’s dreams fulfilled!  
Perhaps we do live a life limited to the delights of Sanditon! There are days when I think we should have named our cottage ‘Bliss House’ instead of Windswept and then I realize no one would believe me when I try to explain just how happy a man I am.

To bed I will return, so pleased to feel such love within these walls and saying my thanks for all the days with which I might be blessed! The adventures of this home are all I have ever dreamed, but I shall try to let you go when your own dreams call from beyond our house on the walk above the cliffs.

Good night, Ben! Good night. Grace!

10 April 

The inhabitants of the cliffs above Sanditon may have tabled the discussion of the school for another time, but Minerva Smithfelden had not.  
She had made an official poll among the Sanditon families that featured the legend of our unwavering support and in ten days the town was in uproar.  
Mary had been informed that my nieces and nephews were being left to flounder in an uneducated abyss called her school room while Mary’s mastery of French and Latin were discounted as nothing more useful than darning hosiery. She was broken hearted to be so publically dismissed as trivial.  
Mrs Hankins was dismissed out of hand as being a ‘passe want-to-be governess’ and Reverend Hankins was deemed ill equipped to teach Bible as many of his sermons, in her opinion, would suggest.  
The baker and the grocer could only hope their children would grow more proficient in mathematical calculations, according to the good lady and many of the houses in which she had entered could use a better collection of maids and servers, most of which were simple minded as well as improper.

The only one in town that Minerva Smithfelden left unscathed was Dr Fuchs. She believed him to be of sound intellectual merit and had plans for him to lead biological expeditions to the beach and hills while serving as the scientific consultant for the school. This was, I am sure, supposed to be in his spare time and at no cost to the school.  
The result was an open meeting in the Assembly Hall during which anyone might address the rumors of the school and vocalize their opinions. Tom, as both a parent and recognizable leader in the community presided.  
Every single objection was met by a rationalization by Mrs S.  
When at last the participants were exhausted, Alison Stringer stood to address the crowd. She was soft spoken, thoughtful and her response was deliberate.  
“I had ten brothers and sisters younger than me. I had the joy of helping my mother meet each of them as the student they would become. Each was so different! It became my experience that it took a special person to ignite the flame of curiosity in a child that would lead them toward lifelong learning. Beyond just reading and math, lie the world, past and future in the pages of books. We need a school with someone at the helm who will ignite this great experience in all.”

“Do you, Mrs Stringer, not see that I am trying to express such a zeal among the townspeople?”asked Mrs Smithfelden, speaking out of turn.

“I do not see any drive beyond self-aggrandisement, Mrs Smithfelden. If we all agree we need a school your willingness to participate in the planning of such a school instead of the managing of the process.”  
Her soft voice predicated the gasp as every head turned toward Mrs S.  
“Are you all agreed?” ask Mrs Smithfelden addressing the group, “Do I have one more excellent idea that will be taken from me, like pearls before swine, as I cast my brilliance among you all?”  
Tom stood up, eager for the most amiable town folk to leave the meeting in a positive frame of mind. “Yes, yes…Capital, Capital! I know we will all be delighted to meet again in June to discuss more plans for the future. Thank you for your time, and to you Mrs Smithfelden! Your ideas will always be most welcome in Sanditon!”

I stood at the back of the room, nodding at many of my friends and neighbors, I was making very little eye contact in hopes that I might avoid Mrs S. all together. It was not to be.  
“Well, Mr Paaarker. I see that you were working the scene behind my back! You and your prolifically fertile wife will regret the day your house is overrun with unspeakably uneducable offspring and no school to rely on for help!”

She did not pause for a response and it is just as well. I could think of nothing to say that would weigh heavier in the minds of the witnesses to her diatribe than her own words. She best be glad there were witnesses, so badly did I wish to tell her off.

Alison was waiting outside the door and I walked her home.  
“You and your sister share the same opinion for the education of children and I would love the two of you to put your minds together and outline what your ideal school would entail. I am all for the education of our children, in a few years in ways that preserve their spirits and enhances their view of things.”

“I will Sidney. Please talk to James about it for I very much wish to include him in our process. Why do you think that woman is so interested in the educational opportunities Sanditon may offer? Are not her children grown?”  
“I do not know for certain Alison, but I do know that it is more important to her to keep everyone a bit untethered so her opinions and frightful rejoinders give her the upper hand in any conversation and I will hike my children all the way to London to take lessons rather than leave them to the offerings of Minerva Smithfelden!”  
She was agreed and we parted quite amicably.  
It had never crossed my mind to discuss the school with anyone else besides Charlotte and Lady Denham, much less undermine Mrs Smithfelden among the people of Sanditon! I pride myself on gentlemanly conduct, though Charlotte might tell a different version of my history were the subject of tongue lashings involved. I was ashamed she has such memories of my behavior when first we met and I found that ignoring Mrs Smithfelden to be the better part of valor. I fear if I ever begin expressing what I feel about her to her face I could not maintain the reputation I have worked so hard to gain, since I have been married, of being steady and calm.

“Dr Fuchs, I have come to purchase more salve for Charlotte’s feet.”  
“Ah, Herr Parker. I made a new batch yesterday and I have a good mind to send it all home with you. I also have some of my mutter’s recipe for…”  
“Yes, please, but I want you to cut me off after one. Or two. Cut me off after two, please”

We drank in silence and finally I just ask point blank. “Has she accepted you, then?”  
“Yes, I was unsure how to tell you.”  
“Dr Fuchs I do not for the life of me understand how you can consider spending your life with such a woman! You certainly owe me no explanation, but I could not live with myself if I did not attempt to persuade you to reconsider.”  
“I can say with out a doubt I have loved her for many years and I had hoped for your blessing! Herr Thomas Parker was far more open to her marriage with a foreigner such as me."  
‘Wait…wait…I am speaking of Mrs Smithfelden I did not know you had knowledge of her before she moved here last year!”  
“NOT Minerva Smithfelden! Diana! Dearest Diana Parker, your sister!” said he.  
“Well then, congratulations, doctor! I wish you both every happiness!”  
We toasted this news with a bit more than two cups of the juice of joy.  
I arrived home in little better than the condition I experienced the last time the good doctor brewed up a batch of dear mutter’s recipe, but this time there was a far more acceptable reason.

“And the thing about it, Cha’lotte, ish he really loves Diana and ish really a fine thing for her, this late in life romance, I think. He can make poshuns and medishins and she will be happy!”  
She rubbed my forehead and I fell asleep on her lap.  
***  
It is after midnight, my children and I have gotten up to record the happenings of a most unique day. I promise you, your Aunt Diana has surprised me and Mrs Smithfelden’s worst could not infiltrate this happy news. Now, should Arthur find the individual that will enhance his life, the Parker family will be complete.

Rest well my darlings. I promise you that I will, no doubt, make decisions about your educations you will neither understand nor enjoy, but that no decision will ever be made in haste. 

Your Aunt Diana has had a beau for all these years and her brothers were none the wiser. Taking more than five years to make up ones mind might be a stretch, but you must always follow the clocks in your own hearts! 

Now if the doctor could only cure this terrible pain in my head (this pain he helped cause in the first place), he will be a most welcome addition to the Parker clan indeed!

Good night Ben, Good night Grace,

Papa


	16. Chapter 16

30 April

Our days have continued in a march toward the future.  
I spent hours in the Emporium making plans for the future seasons. James Stringer helped Diana glass in the outside room at the store making a solarium so delightful she might make a tearoom after all her plants are settled. She is happy and far less frazzled these days with Hans Fuchs. They have plans for an outdoor wedding. With the quiet confidence of a woman for whom waiting for marriage was the absolute correct approach for her, she is content.

Arthur returned from London with a swarth of silk so exquisite that Diana would only have to roll up within it to be the most beautiful of brides. She took it to the dressmaker and then promptly put it out of her mind. My brother plans to leave for the continent for the summer, soon after Diana’s wedding and will return to Sanditon in time to see Georgiana when she visits in early August. Georgiana is the mother of a small child named Moria Parker Molyneaux and I am eager to meet her. (I will admit, my children, to a very happy moment when I realized she and Otis were the parents of a girl with the middle name of Parker! Perhaps she will be just like her mother and their nerves will be sorely taxed as she grows up, very much as my own were on Georgiana’s behalf!) They are eager to visit from Antigua, but they have no intention of living in England again.

Lady Denham, anticipating the excitement of family and friends visiting for the summer, is slowing down. She rests for longer hours and is less willing to blast her opinions with immediate alacrity. Do not misunderstand her silence for a willingness to suffer the opinions of fools, for never will she be as patient as that. The Jessups check on her everyday and many are the afternoons she comes to our home to sit by the fireside and visit with her favorite girl, Olly Dolly.

Charlotte increases in girth most steadily. Her long legs and straight back give no indication of her condition when she walks in front of me, but a side view tells the gist of it. She is frustrated in her ability to accomplish all in a day she wishes.

Charlotte’s strip of dirt is full of the plants acquired for her from Diana and a few others Arthur brought from a gardener he met at Exeter College in Oxford. She has planted hollyhocks, coral bells, lenten roses, allium, coneflowers, asters, lilies and digitalis. There are herbs and fern in the shadowing edges of the bed and the entire project gives the front of our home a lovely fecundity that echoes the gardener within. The plants are growing quickly and will be quite the display by summer. Every scrap of paper in the house seems to have the drawing of a delicate botanical in varying stages of growth and she patches these together to get a vision of her final production. The delicate natural renderings are not intended to be an artistic expression, but I find them to be extraordinary in their detail. For her, these are a scientific experiment to determine what will grow on our windy cliff top. To me they are expression of her creative heart.  
The happy surprise this month has been the experience of knowing Hans Fuchs in a whole new light. He is funny and intelligent and wise. He finds a study of our town interesting and has the most profound ways of dealing with those with whom he does not agree. He simply has a pleasant disinterested air that is distracted and casual. It is disarming (I have seen this attitude turned on Mrs Smithfelden and it thoroughly infuriates her) and then, should he find himself unable to extract himself from a conversation not related to medicine or the weather, simply says, “You know my English still requires much ‘verk’ and I do not understand.”  
Without hesitation he treats every disease or ache and pain, whether or not his patients can pay. He is often the last face many people in the town have seen as they have closed their eyes in death, yet he is never saddened and is always positive. He and Diana often climb the hill to Windswept and this remarkable man will always be welcome in my home. Neither of them are interested in having children and yet, each of them is always pleased to have their laps full of babies. An easy peace surrounds them, and they are often linked with the small fingers of their hands.

Lady Denham, however, is not impressed. She finds Diana’s upcoming marriage to Hans to be unsuitable but is unable to list any reason why except that he is German. (To my knowledge she knows no one else from a German background, but she will not state the fact that she dislikes him for no other reason than he is a physician. The way he serves the people of Sanditon is outstanding).

Barker Parker has taken it upon himself to impress Lady Denham and when she sits with Grace on her lap, he is at her feet staring with intent, until she rubs his ears and greets him.  
He then sits beside her chair and leaves her reluctantly when the babies go to nap when he follows them to their sleeping space.  
“I do NOT like dogs” she has said more than once, “but I find that I like THAT dog! He is mostly like a dog skin rug, is he not? He is content to cover his small portion of the floor near the person he loves, and he ignores everyone else. I can endorse this outlook! It mirrors my own…Not the part about sleeping on the floor, understand! Were I to attempt it, I might never get up! No. I endorse his singular interest and his ‘devil may care for the rest’ attitude.”

Your cousins reach ever skyward as your Uncle Tom’s height seems to be inherited by all of them. Jenny and Alisha are willowy and graceful. The boys are lanky and athletic. On the whole, they are a handsome bunch of children hurtling toward adulthood as though they were shot from a canon. Every month is a marked change and I realize this is also happening with you, Ben and Grace, and I am desperate not to miss a second of your growing up.

So, with all of these thoughts mulling about in my head I was unable to act fast enough when I saw a young man wade into the cove beneath our look out ‘room’. He did not swim and when a wave pulled him under, the sputtering fight that should follow from a person trying not to succumb to drowning did not follow. When he surfaced, it was to drift helplessly and I feared for his life.

Down through the bracken I ran. It was easier to navigate as Stringer’s men had begun the path as I had requested, but I was slowed by the tug from underbrush and uneven rocks. When I reached the sandy beach, I could not see him at all. Back and forth along the shore I ran, searching, anxiety crawling my spine like a spider. I stripped to my pants and dived in, my lungs screaming for air and my body so chilled I was almost frozen. I swam with my head above water when I saw his shoulders rise in an incoming wave. I cradled him under my arm and wrestled him through the surf to the pebbled sand beyond the breaking waves As cold as I was, I was perspiring with the effort to revive him and push the water from his lungs. No cough or lung filling breath followed my efforts and still I pounded his chest and back, waiting for him to spew the sea from his mouth and saturated lungs. Perhaps five minutes passed, perhaps a half hour and finally I lay back on the sand, too weary to move. 

Wells Jessup reached me first and he pulled the man further up from the water line before dropping beside me on the sand.

“Mrs Charlotte, she saw you run down the cliff face and she sent Sara for the doctor after the looked over the rail and saw you swimming toward the fellow…he’s dead then?”

I rolled over to look into the vacant eyes and was reminded of the sturgeon lost down the beach. The hollow gaping expression was the same, one dying because of air, the other from the lack of it.

“Do you know him, Wells?”  
‘Yes, sir. Tis Tim Jackson. He couldna work for Stringer no more after his hands was crushed earlier in the year. I s’pose he were desperate. T’were not like he was leaving a family. He was an outlier, he were.”

Who mourns the outlier? It was true that at my most troubled, someone would have noticed the loss of me. What happens to a man then makes him so sure he leaves no hole in the world when he departs? I looked him over and realized he was at least a decade my junior. He had chosen no comforting arms, no tiny child, no biblical doctrine nothing but death to be his comfort. I was deeply saddened.

After an hour. Dr Fuchs appeared on the bluff above and climbed down through the sea grass much as I had done.  
“Ah, Herr Jackson. I am so sorry you have succeeded in your quest to leave us.”  
“You knew he wished to take his own life! Could you not stop him?”  
He lifted the right hand of Tim Jackson and I could clearly see the deformity left from his accident. Jackson’s left hand, missing several fingers, was equally malformed.  
“I tried to save his hands but they were useless paddles. The young woman to whom he was promised left him and his survival was at question from the moment she left,” said Dr Fuchs softly. “I know, Sidney, you did all you could. That he came so far from town is an indication that he wanted no one to save him and hoped no one who noticed would try.”

We wrangled the body up the uneven path. Jessup took the body, and the doctor, back to town in our carriage with nothing more than a nod in my direction.  
When I reached the house, Charlotte had already prepared a bath for me in front of the fireplace and I stripped, plunging in without speaking to her. On her knees beside the tub she sponged my back and ran her fingers through my hair washing it as she might the head of a hurting child. Perhaps her gentleness touched me. Perhaps it was the depth of her compassion to minister to me in solitude but when I began to weep she rested her head against mine holding my shoulders until their shaking ceased.  
“You would save the world, my love,” said Charlotte finally. “I am so sorry he chose to leave his life from our cove.”

“Why did we not know he needed help? I could have found work for him at the Emporium…something…there must have been something we could have done.”  
As best she could, Charlotte comforted me and yet I was as crushed as I have ever been. After dressing, I walked to town to meet with the undertaker and I found myself sitting in the empty church.  
In just a few minutes, the creak of the pew in front of me caused me to focus my attention on the vicar, who slid in the space before turning to face me.  
When he saw me with a question in my eyes, he cut me off saying, “There are no answers for the ‘why’ in your mind. A young man with his life ahead of him, who chooses to stop the turmoil in his mind! When a person takes his life, he or she, is overcome with such deafening pain they cannot hear a single reason to hold on. A person in such pain only wants to escape and they do not realize their escape will lob their pain into the lives of others. That pain overwhelms when it is shared. It does, it always does, and what you do with that will determine how much soaks into your heart.”

“I was such a hopeless outlier once. My heart felt as though it had turned to rock and I cared not who knew how little I felt about the world and anyone in it.”  
“What made you want to live again, to love again?”  
I found I could not speak, for unlike any time before, I saw clearly how callously I had treated my life. A quarter hour passed as he waited for my answer.  
“It is all down to Charlotte. She challenged me and argued with me. She fought my tilt toward the unfair and the selfish. Every time I saw her! Every single time I treated her poorly with a tongue lashing or unforgivably brutish behavior she stood in front of me, usually furious, expressing how much my behavior mattered. Eventually, it mattered to me as well. I became my best self, a truly better man, because of her belief in the fact that I could become that man.”  
“That is a gift not to be overlooked, Sidney. Tim Jackson did not receive that gift, ever. As sad as that may be, we can only look forward. It does not require a lover to give that gift. Many people find it in the church and many others in an unlikely individual who simply believes in them until the bud of self worth begins to bloom within them. It is easy once one finds happiness to forget how many are so needy. Maybe, next time, you will save a life. That you were willing to risk your life to save another at all, speaks to the greatness of your character.”

“I always end up here, somehow. Thanks for the conversation.”  
“It is my vocation,” said Reverend Hankins, standing. He stepped out of the pew before adding, “And is always my pleasure, Sidney.”  
I went into town wondering how many ‘Tim Jacksons’ there were in Sanditon. How does one recognize them if they are there? It was too bleak a consideration on which to dwell and I set it aside until I could talk through this day with Charlotte.  
“WoooWhooo, Mr Parker! I heard the most scandalous thing about you yesterday, and you a gentleman!”  
I felt my spine straighten as she approached. I had had a hell of a day and I did not feel like attaching any merit to what she might say, so I jumped on her words before she threw them to the listeners on the street.  
“Good day, Madame. Allow me to say there is nothing you could have possibly heard about me that is not true, Mrs Smithfelden! I have had a reputation for hard drinking, visiting the occasional boarding house and gambling den. Everyone who knows me, knows the details of my life before Charlotte. Everyone who matters knows there is no scandal after her becoming my wife and you are simply fishing for trouble if you think there is anything you might say that would be of interest to me in any way.”  
I left her, on the street, gaping for a comeback. If she had one, I was too far away to hear it when she expressed it.

I found Jessup and after a minimal amount of pushing around papers during a useless quarter of an hour in the office, I walked to the carriage where he waited at the curb. In fewer moments than I thought it would take, we arrived home. James and Alison were in the drawing room with Lady Denham and I was immediately sure there was a problem with Charlotte.  
“Tell me! What is wrong?”  
“There is nothing wrong!” said Lady Denham, “Sara said that we might wait until Charlotte was up from her rest. I came to see those dear babies, but I will not speak for Alison and James.”  
“I will be right back.”

In our room, Charlotte slept across the bed the babies napping beside her behind a hedge of pillows so they could not roll. They were so deeply asleep that I hesitated to wake them and, by the bed on my knees, I kissed you softly. My beard made you squirm, Grace, and I was very still to make sure I did not make you wake. Ben did not seem to notice and on he napped.  
Charlotte’s eyes fluttered open and she lifted her hands to my face.  
“Are you alright, Sidney,” she asked.  
Our faces were upside down when I kissed her and she giggled at my expression before sitting up.  
“I am now, now that I am here with you.”  
She gestured beside her and then I said, “Alison, James and Lady Denham are waiting for you. Sara will soon serve tea…If I linger there will be a monumental backlash as they know I will lead you from where we might not so easily, erm… return.”  
She laughed out right. “Look at me Sidney! I have three months to go and I have the shape that would only appeal to a hippopotamus. In three more months, I might lead the elephant parade!”  
“What is your experience with these sorts of animals, Mrs Parker?” I was busily kissing her neck and she was busily trying to shove her feet into her slippers.  
“I have seen pictures, Sidney! I am so big that I should fall, I will roll with no chance of standing up again!”  
As she opened the door, I placed my hand against the panel closing it before she could walk out.  
“Charlotte, as God as my witness you only get more and more beautiful. And if you wish to ride an elephant I shall begin the process of procuring such a thing.”

Ben sat up and she gathered him to her, smiling. “That is one ride I can do without! Looking like an elephant will suffice…perhaps you might get a pair of spectacles.”  
I reached for you Grace before warning her, “This conversation is not over. I will spend all night considering ways I can convince you of your appeal to me.”  
She looked at me from the hall, “I will hold you to your promise, Mr Parker.” She batted her eyes at me and in two seconds flat became the perfect hostess.  
“Lady Denham! Alison, James! I am sorry you were waiting. I was simply exhausted by the morning…”

They relived the events of the morning and I found the feelings that rose in me were raw and mysterious.  
“James, what might be done that no other young man faces such a morose choice?” I interrupted.  
“Or woman,” added Charlotte, quietly.  
“We are no different than any town, Sidney, and most of us are never exposed to such heart ache. I blame myself because I did not try to reach him once he no longer worked for me.”

“Drink your tea,” admonished Lady Denham, “There will be plenty of problems to solve tomorrow, children! Might the Jessups play for awhile, this afternoon?”

We sat and shared our tea, old friends, new family and a dog who seems to wag his tail in time with the music. 

My children, you must never forget how precious life is and do all you can to preserve it. I am going to your mother in a moment, overflowing with ways to tell her I love her. I am sure she will hear me, despite of my lack of poetry or song, because she listens with her heart as well as her ears.  
Charlotte breathes life into our family and saves me from myself, again, every day.  
Never doubt your worth, my children and live your life knowing that anything you must overcome can be tackled by choosing to live through it.

Barker Parker is not sure to whom he belongs, and I leave him, again, tucked between your two sleepy heads, guarding both of your cradles.

Good night, Ben. Sweet dreams, Grace.  
My love is yours,  
Papa


	17. Chapter 17

5 May

The repetitive feel of life Sanditon was never more evident than in the month of May. The summer residents have only begun to trickle in and there are no set social plans. Winter is past and the spring rains have stopped pounding us for the moment and I head to the business to manage the few tasks that I have not already delegated to someone else.  
I am not at all lazy, I am just planning to be, as days filled with Charlotte and my family will take priority over everything and everyone else. I have an almost irrational need to plan ahead, thinking about Christmas, before the sea has warmed enough for an afternoon of early summer exercise, and knowing that as soon as my babies arrive my autumn will not find me within these walls very often.  
Stringer’s men made haste with the path to the cove after Tim Jackson’s fateful death and James added several level switchbacks and stairs that will give structure to the walkway and make it easier to traverse. Although swimming unobserved may never happen below our overlook, a baggy pair of short pants will allow me some dignity while allowing me to stay in our own cove.

Diana becomes Diana Fuchs in just a month, and she has settled into her life without the rush or uneasiness of her former life.  
Arthur returned from London with the most amazing range of toys one could ever imagine, and he and Henry arranged them in a way best to display and entice, but also to play, and it is good to see he and young James dipping back into childish pursuits with such glee. Arthur has ready help anytime he requests it and was able to negotiate payment with my nephews by offering chocolate gorgons and peppermints to fulfill his work contracts.

Mrs Smithfelden did indeed purchase the donkey stud and milk processing efforts from Lady Denham and with all speed she is building a new stable west of town to move all the efforts closer to the part of town into which Stringer suggested she might build a house.  
In turn I have leased the stables from Lady Denham, and as soon as the donkeys are moved in to their west Sanditon abode, I fully anticipate the arrival of the four horses I bought from the Pemberly Estate. They will be delivered at the end of this month.

Wells Jessup brought a young man to me who will both serve as stable hand and barn manager, and with little effort, all was decided in a matter of days.  
I put my feet up on the desk and my hands behind my head ad I think about everything and nothing.

Truth is, I am bored when faced with doing anything but soak in my family. I sit enveloped in the warmth of my library at night, holding a child, if not both. I watch Charlotte over the top of whatever book I hold instead of reading. I just drink her in! The crease between her brows as she concentrates, the flutter of her lashes as she naps or the softness of her voice as she happily speaks to our children, and this is all I wish to do! I want to seek a vocation as a silent observer of my own family, should there be such a vocation.  
Charlotte catches me just watching on occasion and I am most able to bluff my way when asked particular questions about my reading, but I do not fool her, for I realize she has already explored most every page I might read, but she never calls me on my subterfuge.

I was told that a marriage such as we possess is legendary. Tom led me to believe a few years would pass and the touch of her, her smile and laughter, her voice, those eyes, all would lose their intrigue and fascination and we would rest easy as old friends, our passions spent.  
For the record, allow me to say my children, there is nothing farther from the truth. I feel guilty for how deeply I long for her when she is but a chair length away!

When a fine spring day beckons us to our patio on the cliff, I close my eyes when the breeze blows her subtle rose scent in my direction. I take such pleasure as I witness her touch in the gentle reflections around our home.

I was deeply entrenched in my daydreams when I glanced up as Crowe entered the office.  
More than a moment passed before his presence registered in my mind and I jumped up to greet him!  
“Francis Crowe! I was afraid you had decided to leave me for the pursuits of continental frivolity!”  
We embraced warmly and he said, “You jest, Parker, Dulcey and I were homesick for Sanditon and for familiar faces! We are delighted to have traveled and are quite happy to be home! You, however, were a million miles away when I came in. Where, exactly, had you gone in your mind?”  
“Much has occurred in your absence, old friend! Let us lunch at the Crown and I will bring you up to date on all the events in Sanditon!”

I was so pleased to be with Crowe as we traversed the street that Mrs Smithfelden failed to capture my attention. She was on us before either of us might react.  
“Mr Francis Crowe! Minerva Smithfelden! I was at your reception! You are one of the gentlemen that runs the Emporium are you not?” (What am I, chopped liver? I was right in front of her and she was ignoring me as though I were invisible! It was most refreshing, so I decided to say nothing in hopes that her motives might be revealed)  
“Yes, Madame, I have a decided interest in that business! How might I offer aid?”  
“I wish to enhance your inventory by offering the milk from my asses on a weekly basis! You would be the establishment I may direct my buyers for the purchase of my wares and therefore only have to be focused on the delivery to one address.”  
“How very kind of you to contemplate your business in conjunction with my own! I might refer you to the grocer who is far more able to move product for which the potential of spoilage is a certainty. We are not equipped at the Emporium for such a venture and I am sure I speak for Mr Park…my partner when I thank you for your consideration. Good Day!”  
Crowe, ever dapper in his emerald green coat, sidestepped around her after a most dramatic bow.  
“Come along, Parker!” I nodded benignly and did just that.  
When we were seated at the Crown with a bottle of port between us as well as a joint of mutton, Crowe spoke.  
“That was decidedly chilly, Parker! How did you offend the good lady? Tell me at once so that I might fall from her good graces myself!”  
“Suffice it to say, Crowe, she tried to buy neighboring property to our cliff top, become involved with my business, marry Arthur, start a school for which I would pay and invent a rumor about my dastardly reputation!”  
Crowe sat back and said, “We HAVE been gone a long time! Do tell!”  
“All would be bearable, actually, because every attempt to manage me has been foiled! She has, however, insulted Charlotte in so many ways that I have actually contemplated her murder!”  
“Start at the beginning,” he said, “I am all ears.”  
The afternoon slipped away, and I was delighted to fill him in on the new roles of Arthur and Diana, Diana’s upcoming nuptials, Charlotte, the children and, finally, the death of Tim Jackson.  
“Good God, man! That was not your responsibility! Why are you kicking yourself?”  
“I…do not know. I just wish to keep another person from feeling such futility! He was not more than five and twenty with an entire life ahead… it happened at the cove below our house and it has just become a rock in my shoe. There must be something, as gentlemen, we should do.”

What we did was ask Stringer if he knew of other such men. When he gave us a name, or two, we set about planning a way to offer a series of jobs that would bring these men and their families into work they might accomplish will preserving their dignity.  
Reverend Hankins was consulted, and Lady Denham made suggestions that restored my hope in our ability to offer the practical to the challenged.

On Wednesday of every week, the majority of the good citizens of Sanditon seemed to shop for groceries and baked goods. By Friday of every week, the baker threw a way his left overs, the green grocer his vegetables on the wane and the butcher ground up his unsold meet for slop and animal feed.  
Crowe had Stringer build a stall that we placed at a place beyond the thoroughfare, where our first to men were responsible for bagging up the useful items for distribution among the towns people who simply had to pick them up.  
When Willis heard “A bag, if you please, Sir,” he would hand over a bag without any other requirement. The town would be quickly purged of wasted food and there were several families already awaiting the ways this might change their lives.  
The two men we recruited were unable to work in ways appreciated by the towns people, but by making them employees of the Emporium, they were able to participate by distributing and receiving the food, and be paid by us for providing the service.  
I might have known what we were trying to do would not escape the scrutiny of Mrs Smithfelden. She came to me to express her disbelief that we would place ‘lazy’ citizens in exactly the position to feel no inclination to help themselves. It seems, now that she has a complaint about the Emporium, she knows exactly where to voice her opinion.  
“You are certainly the optimist, Mr Parker! You mark my words, this idea will blow up in your face and the poor of Sanditon will expect you to provide for them from now on!”  
“That may be, Ma’am, I know it might add costs to your bottom line at the Donkey Stud because discarded vegetables are now being fed to people instead of free fodder for your animals. You might be faced with paying for your donkey feed. Do you have any other complaints about our attempt to do our part? Perhaps you have come all this way to volunteer your extra ass milk?”  
Mrs Smithfelden, ever the woman who prefers the last word, turned on her heel and left the Emporium without answering.

“Well, Parker, You sure silenced that beast!” said Crowe.  
“She’s like an irritating horsefly, Crowe she always comes back and she brings a hell of a sting!”

Charlotte received a letter from Willingden and Rachel plans to come to Sanditon for the summer. Crowe has hope that Dulcey will want to help as much as possible and thereby slow all discussions about children in their immediate future. As much as he loves you, Ben and Grace, Uncle Crowe is not really keen on being the sole caregiver of a child of his own…yet! I know you will convince him!

We sat in the twilight, as the women visited in the house, in the cliff room above the cove.  
“Won’t be long until Babers is back!” said Crowe.  
“He has another lady in his life, you know!” Crowe sat forward.  
“What? Babington? I would have thought he would never leave that Denham woman!”  
“Crowe! He has not left Esther, you dolt! They have a new baby, Edith!”  
“Oh Lord! The babies are taking over, aren’t they? And there soon will be two more Parkers!”  
When we returned to the house, he lingered by your cradles, touching your fingers and smiling the most besotted smile. Good work, Parkers! I am sure it is just a matter of time.

Another day closes with the celebration of the return of friends. I did not realize how much I had missed the Crowes and I am glad to have them back again.

Good night, Ben. Good night, Grace.  
I Love You,  
Papa


	18. Chapter 18

17 May

I will admit to spending the past week helping Lady Denham prepare for her company. She has plenty of footmen to fetch and carry, but none who are brave enough to argue with her choices or join her later for a cup of tea, and discuss the town as will I. I am not particularly interested in gossip and usually I have forgotten what she imparts before I reach home, making me the ideal receptacle for stories and innuendo.  
On just such an afternoon she grew quiet before changing the subject to another new resident. Wallace Blair Graham.

She leaned forward conspiratorially before saying, only slightly above a whisper, “He is a SCOT!”  
Unsure how I was to respond, I figured I would argue on behalf of the town in general.  
“How lucky for Sanditon that new people from all over The continent are attracted to our shores,” I answered.  
“Humph! What was wrong with Scotland? Why are all these people moving around when they have perfectly good places to live where they are! I have it on good authority he is escaping from something, most probably a scandal! No good will come from it... mark my words.”  
She, of course, was making reference to Hans Fuchs who would still be in his native Germany if she had anything to say about it. (Well, she does have quite a bit to say about it, but her protests do not carry any weight and we mostly ignore her.)

“How come you to know so much about Mr Wallace Blair Graham? His has a nice enough name, Lady Denham! Perhaps he will be a welcome addition to our society.”  
“He comes to Sanditon with two motherless sons. They were crofters, or some such, near Fife until a clan argument ended in a row and their property was burned in the crossfire. The wife was killed and the clan family whose argument crossed onto his property paid him for his troubles so that he might replant his land. He chose instead to move and bring his pots of silver here, to Sanditon! That is just what we need, a farmer with nothing to farm!” said she. “I would not wonder if he has plans to marry his sons into money!”  
This made me laugh out loud!  
“Were that his mission Lady Denham, I would think our small up and coming fishing village would not be the first choice of a place to settle!”  
“We will see! I wonder if they will stroll around in their kilts?!”  
“My, my, Lady Denham, you are full of interesting musings today!”  
When all the arrangements for her company were finished, I headed home in good humor.

I was eager to repeat all I had heard of the new residents and I did so, following Charlotte from room to room as she organized a place for Rachel.  
“Goodness, Sidney,” she said, “You almost sound gleeful and eager to participate in a war between the good people of Sanditon and invaders from the north!” she said laughing. “Might be interesting to have several handsome men in kilts wandering the streets.”  
I am not sure why that shut me up, but I would wear full battle dress if it would intrigue her!

It was Crowe who mentioned the new residents next.  
“I hear he drinks whiskey by the bottle, plays the pipes and knows the entire bible by heart!”  
“Hmmm, “I mused, “How many bottles does it take before the recitation begins? He might give a sober Reverend Hankins a run for his money!”  
“I hear he is either a Celt or a Presbyterian!” said Crowe as though imparting a deep, dark secret.

The more Mr Wallace Blair Graham was discussed, the more determined I was to like him. I looked forward to meeting him, and then promptly cleared him from my mind.

This morning, I left my office on the run as a pair of shouting voices filtered through the Emporium from the street.

Mrs Smithfelden! Of course, one loud mouth would be hers. “Unhand me, Sir! You are no gentleman!”  
In the middle of the street was a tall man who was nothing if not stalwart. As tall as Tom, as broad as Arthur, with a head of shining red hair and a face that was nothing if not terrifying.  
“If I hadna lifted you up, ye woulda stepped right in the pile dropped by the horse! Stop yellin’, Woman, long enough to look ‘er I will putcha init meself.”  
The thrashing exchange had been noticed by those passing by and I reached to catch Crowe’s arm so we might watch from the shadows.

“You grabbed me up without warning, you foreigner! You oaf! Set me down at ONCE!” shrieked Mrs Smithfelden.  
“Oh,” said Crowe, “THIS just got interesting!  
“Have it your way, mi’ lady!”  
Instead of swinging her to a clear spot on the street he dropped her on her feet where they stood. Her boots were immediately covered to the ankles in manure and she stood there, swinging her arms to catch her balance.  
“Come back and help me, you ignoramus!”  
“Not I!” said he, appraising her, “I already offered, and I was refused!”  
He bowed, slightly from the waist, walking away toward the Crown. A woman leaving the bakery offered her arm to a now odiferous and amazingly angry Mrs Smithfelden. They proceeded in the opposite direction. 

As I moved to return to the office, Crowe said, “Come on Parker! Leave it with Willis! Let us go meet the man and stand him to a drink as we welcome him to Sanditon!”  
“Crowe, did you see his face? He does not suffer fools and he looked as though he might eat a man for lunch!”  
“Don’t be a milksop, Sidney! I quite liked him on sight!”  
We caught up the Scotsman as he entered the Crown and Crowe introduced us with unusual enthusiasm.  
His intimidating visage melted into a smile and he welcomed our company graciously. After only a half hour, it became evident to us both that he could out drink us, out talk us, and squash us like insects if he were so inclined. I, for one, was glad we were meeting him on a positive footing.  
“ ‘Parker’, you say? I am trying to buy an apartment from a Parker! ‘Ere he kin?”  
“My brother, Tom,” I said. He appraised me as though studying a book. “I will a tell him we met.”  
“I hear you have sons. Why not bring your boys to my house for supper tomorrow? You can meet my wife—our wives,”I said, nodding at Crowe, “and Lady Denham, our neighbor from Sanditon House.”  
“I will attend with pleasure. Until tomorrow!”

The next night, Graham came to our house with his sons, Harry and Robbie. His brogue was only surpassed by his laughter. Lady Denham was charmed by his positive outlook on every subject and Charlotte was delighted by his tales of the Highlands. His boys were amiable, though rather introverted, and we men drank more than enough of the Scottish whiskey he brought.  
When Wells and Sara began to play, he closed his eyes tapping his foot happily in time with the music.  
“Next time we wallow awhile, I’ll bring me pipes. Harry plays a bit of drum and we can make a din on this peak!”

“You will be most welcome, any time,” said Charlotte.  
He kissed her on the hand quite gallantly before turning to go. “You have a treasure for a wife, Parker!”  
“As well I know, Graham.”  
“I had me Maggie six years and twenty. To lose her is the devastation of my life.”  
“I am so sorry,” said Sidney, seriously.  
“As am I,” said Crowe.  
“Tis not enough whiskey in the country to ease the pain and even God’s love has not healed my heart. Take care, men. Until we meet again.”

Tonight, my children I am thinking about our new acquaintance, very sure he will become a valued friend. He has me mulling over the amazing situations that bring people into our lives. I am glad he is here. Even Mrs Smithfelden can not faze him!

I love you, Ben, and you, my Grace. I am so glad that, with your mother, you are my home.

Papa


	19. Chapter 19

27 April

We talk about Wallace Blair Graham at every turn. His comments are full of kindness and his happy outlook is so attractive, he has become a favorite citizen in just a matter of weeks.

“I say there, Parker, how did we know what we needed was a Scot?” said Crowe, one afternoon last week.  
Graham had moved to town without many of the household items most adults have acquired and take for granted.  
He had contracted with one of Stringer’s men to build furniture for his apartments so large in size that the building of it required the final production of beds and chairs and tables within the rooms for which they were chosen.  
He utilized plaid wool by the bolt from which home furnishings were produced and of which he and his boys wore with the callous grace that might have marked them as dandies should any of the three of them cared for such a social designation.

Diana supplied him with plants for his windows and his interest in such things struck her, as his tastes were simple and refined. His appreciation for beauty determined all he chose.

Harry was so knowledgeable about everything that grows that Diana hired him at once, enabling her to leave her business in the capable hands of a plantsman while she and Hans plan a honeymoon in Germany. It seemed to be a very far destination to travel for only a month, but it has occurred to me that our Dr Fuchs will not be too far away from Charlotte this summer should the birth of our children require more than Dulsey and Mother Heywood are able to handle.

My God! The terror with which such speculation fogs my mind is paralyzing and I can not live for months like this or I will pull out my hair in my anxiety. The birth of children is a miracle, and as far as we have come in society the truth of it is, many mothers die in childbirth and many babes are lost in the process. I must table this thought process or fall into such a miserable morass that Charlotte will send me to the stable to sleep! I will not add one small particle to the worries she keeps so well hidden from everyone else.

Every three or four days, weather permitting, Graham and the boys appear after supper, if not before. The joyous music that flows over the cliffs from Windswept have become habit forming and on the three occasions we have enjoyed so far, Wells, Sara and the Scots have begun to play together with the finesse of a band and when they pause for a break Graham tells stories with such thrilling detail that the nights grow late before we all reluctantly part.  
It was just after such an evening that Diana suggested they play for her wedding and they agreed to a service that will be mostly music and few words. I hope Reverend Hankins finds it as appealing as I do.  
Arthur spends these evenings at Windswept and his demeanor is quiet and introspective.  
“I have never seen such a man,” said he when we were discussing Graham. “He is ever himself without pretense from any corner. He is as masculine in a skirt as ever a man I have beheld and as gentle as a whisper around your children! I quite like it when he calls them ‘wee bairn’ and gathers them up with the same comfort he might a loaf of bread. I hardly know how to hold them and I love them dearly! There is much to admire there, Sidney.”

On just such an evening, Tom and Mary and the children came to hear stories and visit, while enjoying the music on a fine spring night. Alisha, now fourteen, was so stricken by the younger of Graham’s sons, Robbie, that Mary became hyper vigilant to her shy sweet daughter’s every move. The realization that Alisha was far too enamored of the young man to actually speak to him comforted Mary a bit, but she asked me to dissuade the match should it ever arise. She was most vexed with me when I said, “Come now Mary! The Scots no longer club young women on the head and carry them north, thrown over a horse to wed in the Northern wilds!”

When I saw her visibly pale with worry, I became instantly sorry for adding to her mental pictures of all that could go wrong. I could not laugh, because I know that I will build a moat around Windswept if I ever see such regard in your eyes, Grace! When you are one and thirty and a beau can pass my scrutiny (and Ben’s) we may discuss a courtship, but I would not even hope that, any time before you are thirty your Papa will relent!

Dulcey has become a daily visitor which often brings Crowe to our house. More often he is holding one of you while rubbing Barker Parker with his foot and I marvel at his apparent domesticity. I have never seen him more content, so when the flask appeared yesterday as we were walking through town, I called him on it at once.  
“Hey, what are you doing, imbibing in the middle of the day!?”  
“Oh! It is cough syrup made by our good Dr Fuchs and I find it easier to take a pull when I need it than carry his apothecary bottle around in my coat.”  
I had noticed no cough, but it was not for me to challenge and I decided to observe him without judgment. All too well I know the toll that the pressure of unspeakable angst can bring on the heart and I will be here should he need me without making demands of my own.

Ben now pulls himself up on the chairs of the library and navigates around the room with determination and growing strength. Grace, ever watchful, sees this development and watches his every move fascinated, not sure she wants to try this for herself. Two low beds with rails arrived from London and the cradles have disappeared for a few months before their new inhabitants will require the services they offer. I kneel between these two little beds to tell you both good night. We believe you are almost ten months old, Ben, and I am struck by how you are very much transitioning from baby boy into a boy, more every day. Your auburn curls stick to your forehead as you dream and I kiss your hand every night, wondering who you will become.  
And Grace! You sleep with such abandon! Your arms are always above your head and your rose bud mouth is always on the verge of a smile.  
It is quite my favorite way to pass time, watching the two of you sleep. Barker Parker would like me to move from his preferred spot on the floor and Charlotte would like a back rub before sleep.

Good night my children. How proud I am to be your Papa!

My love is yours. Sleep well.

10 May

Diana was a beautiful bride. Arthur walked her among the friends and family gathered to celebrate her wedding to Hans Fuchs.  
Lady Denham, never shy with her opinion, said loudly enough for all to hear, “Diana sure turned out well! Who knew under all that hypochondria was such a beautiful woman?”  
Hans Fuchs looked her square in the eye from his position by Reverend Hankins and said quite loudly, “I did Lady Denham! The best observation of my life!”  
The music was mesmerizing, the company delightful and the bride and groom departed their party with reluctance, sure that there was nowhere else on earth where humans were so happy.  
“Dulcey, might you wrap a small piece of wedding cake for me to take home,” asked Alisha, shyly.  
“Honey, I am sure you might have all you can eat!” Dulcey answered.

“It is to make a wish on,” answered Ginny, tartly. “She thinks it might help her marry the boy she dreams of!”  
Charlotte arrived just then, and I stepped away after hearing her say, “Let us figure out a way to give you each a piece to take home. It is only for dreaming though!” she added, “because if you leave it where it might be found your brothers will gobble it up!”  
This elicited a few giggles and I watched as Charlotte packed up the hamper for Mary to take home with plenty of delectable treats for all.  
I picked you up, Grace, thinking to myself that Tom better come down from the place of grand ideas he inhabits in the clouds and keep his girls close, for soon those girlish dreams might come true.  
As you looked up at me from the circle of my arms, Grace, I had the fleeting thought that once you learn to walk your Papa will only be left to follow. Perhaps I will just carry you from now on, walking is highly overrated!

The children were sleeping, musicians exhausted and the last of the guests had departed Charlotte climbed on the bed beside me. She was a bit awkward and I reached to pull her toward me.  
“Weddings always make me a bit sad,” she said softly, “It brings back those thoughts of the months you were lost to me and the overwhelming joy I felt when you returned!” Charlotte whispered. “Sometimes I still must look for you, touch you, and kiss your lips to prove you are true, Sidney, and not a figment of my own girlish dreams!”

I kissed her, holding my head against her sleepy one and I was reminded again of the miracle our marriage really was when all the odds in the world were stacked against us.

“Should I ever have doubts, I simply look down at this belly and I am aware how completely you possess me! I officially became an elephant today having left my svelte days of hippopotamus- like elegance behind when I could not fit between the tables!”  
I rubbed her back and pulled her into my arms. “You have never been more beautiful, Charlotte!”  
“Like I said, you will be most distinguished whenever you start to wear spectacles… but put it off as long as possible so I might appear in this romantic haze until then!”

She yawned then and I held her against my heart until she fell asleep, as ever marveling that she is my wife.  
I write tonight my children, unable to describe how beautiful was your Aunt Diana as a bride, but how much she upgraded in looks and attitude in the moments it took to move in status from bride to wife. I am quite happy for her!  
Dulcey, ever busy on behalf of us all, looked at Crowe a few times when she thought no one noticed her. She appears to be exalted and so completely in love with him, I cannot wait for Babers to see them! He owes Crowe some teasing and I look forward to the witness of it! Charlotte pointed out that she often rests her hands upon her middle and I wonder if Crowe might be negotiating the title of father quite soon.

The summer is fast approaching and there will be much society to enhance our days. The sea will warm enough for swimming and the babies will soon be here. As much as we wish it otherwise, the clock marches on, taking our lives forward with a constant promenade toward the future.

Sweet dreams, little ones! Happy days are our future, and aren’t we blessed?

Papa


	20. Chapter 20

May 15

Yesterday, with no fanfare and very little notice, Lady Susan’s carriage rolled up to Sanditon House.  
If she was early for the summer season, Lady Denham did not say so and Charlotte was delighted for her to be back in the neighborhood. The Prince Regent was now the reigning King and Lady Susan was mostly silent on the subject. She seemed content enough to leave the whirl of life in London, to totally avoid the pull toward Windsor. As she always has, since I have known her, she seems to live her greatest life in whatever situation she might find herself.  
Tonight, she was bundled into a shawl, tucked next to Charlotte on a bench with the wall at their backs listening to Graham tell a tall tale about a silkie and a Scot who was once lost at sea. Her eyes were bright in the firelight and she seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself.  
Lady Denham stood before the music began to say she was leaving in the carriage and Lady Susan indicated she might walk home later for she was enjoying the gorgeous night. When Wells began a jig and twirl, she stood for me to swing her around the portico. Having never known her to dance I was struck by how youthful she looked and how easily she fit into our group. As Tom would point out if we were asked, our clifftop was about as far from an attraction to the Beau Monde as any place on earth and it seemed it did not matter to her. I bowed to her and then introduced her. 

“Mr Wallace Blair Graham meet Lady Susan Worcester.”  
Had God clapped His hands in the heavens no fireworks could have shot through the sky with more thunder than did the look that passed between them. It was palpable! Deeply interested, but totally an obvious extra appendage, I left them to speak, seeking a seat next to Charlotte as the music played on.  
“Charlotte, I wonder if you noticed the apparent…erm, attraction that just seemed to shoot across this setting.”  
“I thought you caught that,” said she. “This is a most interesting start to the summer!”  
Graham graciously introduced Lady Susan to his sons and returned to join the musicians. When next she was seated, she whispered to Charlotte loud enough that I heard her,  
“My word, a man in a kilt offers a whole new perspective on men, does it not?”  
Charlotte laughed. “Yes, Susan, and he is a very fine man indeed.”  
She said nothing more, but she seemed to hum, “Hmmmm,” as though filing away the moment.

With Grace asleep on her shoulder, Susan stayed between us until late into the night.  
As Graham and his boys took their leave he offered to escort her to Sanditon House, “If such a Lady might trust the honor of a Scotsman in the dark of night,” he added mischievously.

Wells handed over a lantern and she bade us good night walking between the three of them into the moonlight.  
“Charlotte, what do you think just happened here?” I asked her wonderingly. Thinking back over my Christopher Marlowe I wondered, again, about love at first sight.  
“Wouldn’t that be wonderful? She is free to be thoroughly loved by someone able to do it right! I would love to think she might find happiness!”  
I felt rather as though I should chaperone her and realized I would be the recipient at least of her laughter, if not outright censure if I offered, so I hung back watching until the path turned and they were out of sight.

We put the babies to bed, sent Wells and Sara to their rest and bid good night to Dulcey and Crowe.  
As Charlotte curled against me in our darkened room she was backlit in the moonlight from the window.  
“Sidney, what bothers you so much about Wallace meeting Susan? Are you afraid she will toy with him or that he might not be a good friend to her?” asked Charlotte.  
“I wonder that he will fill his heart with her and she will play with him for the summer and discard him as she returns to the world of the Beau Monde. I wonder if he will not see their similar ages as a great social slide that will discount their roles in society.”  
“At any rate, my love, it is none of our business! They are grown ups, experienced with love and heartbreak and if, by mutual consent, they explore a future together we will celebrate the choice. Heaven knows, Susan has forever been an advocate for our love and I will do all I can to insure her happiness…do you not agree?”  
“Charlotte your attitude is shocking,” I teased.  
“Not really, my love! I will never be the one to stand in the way of true love, no matter how quickly it might happen!” said she.  
“Charlotte that is not true! Look how fast you separated Arthur from Mrs Smithfelden!”  
She sat up, pulling away from me. “Sidney Parker! That was all down to Arthur being so gullible and her being so…such a…oooh…such an IRRITANT!”  
Since I have never seen Charlotte at a loss for words, I teased her and encouraged her to say what she really meant.  
“As long as Graham falls for anyone else BUT Mrs Smithfelden, I will be fine! I could not abide her forked tongue in our lives on a consistent basis and I would be very sad to have Graham disappear from our lives!”  
We fell asleep, laughing and talking about our cliff parties and the romance that seems to blow through this cove on the breeze.  
Still…I wonder if Lady Susan is not trying to cast some pain from her life that we have no notion of and I hoped she will be happy, no matter how it turns out.

***  
So this morning, another bright and promising day, I set off to town with the thought of escorting John Riley and Rachel to Sanditon House at the end of the day when the stage arrives from London. They left Willingden and caught the stage in Royal Tunbridge Wells.  
Lady Denham was looking forward to their visit and I knew Rachel would be in for all the adventure Charlotte experienced her first summer in Sanditon. How different might her experience have been if two married older sisters had been residents of the town, to warn her off an outlier and protect her from the liberal society of a beach town.  
My word! How glad am I that she had no more structure in the summer we met. Had Tom and Mary been more protective, well…I can not even contemplate how it all might have gone sideways. Ironic, is it not, that John and Margaret are now entrusting more children to Sanditon and to me! I hope I do not let them down and I know when Margaret arrives at the end of July that she will ferret out any adventures that have not strictly been above board. I know, for a fact, that Rachel cannot possibly be harder to manage than was Georgiana!  
I walked into the Emporium anticipating a day that I would catch up on paperwork and did not expect to find a huge Scotsman in my minute office space, trying to make himself at home.

“Graham! Well met!”  
“I don’t understand ‘well met’!”, said he, “We met weeks ago! Aren’t we friends?” he said, clearly puzzled.  
“It is a typical English greeting! It means, ‘glad to see you’.” I responded, chuckling.  
“Oh. Well… you English are an odd lot! And ye thinks I am the one wha’ dinna understand the speak!”  
“You speak just fine to suit me! What might I offer you? Tea?” I responded.  
“Tea, TEA? Tis a whiskey situation and nary a bit less…and I brought me own bottl’, if ya got a place to pour.”  
It was nine o’clock in the morning children and to be honest, my brain was still a bit misty from the night before and Ben, you had been up with the birdsong.  
I passed the man a small tumbler that looked like a thimble in his hand.  
“And ye got these wee bit of vessels for a dram?! Geez! At least the Jacobites know a pour from a dribble!”  
When he saw that I would stick with tea, he tipped back the bottle, drinking down a hearty swallow before setting it gently on my desk.  
“I wish to know a truth,” said he. “Tis many a night since sleep ran from me, for I pride myself on living without regret. I can always sleep most soundly! Until last night. No wink was found within my chamber and tis all down to that woman, Susan!”  
I stood and walked over to him trying to find words, that might dissuade him and spare his heart.  
“Lady Susan Worcester is a remarkable woman. For many years she has been the um, the uh…beloved individual of the Prince Regent. Now that George the IV is King, I do not know the status of her heart, but I do know she is the very center of London social circles and with very little effort she can make events occur that would turn the world on its ear should any one actually know of her maneuverings. Without her direct influence I would be miserably wed to another and I owe her an eternal debt for all she accomplished on my behalf.”

“I told my boys ‘we just met royalty’, did I, last night and she left us in front of Sanditon House with our hearts in our hands and smitten beyond recovery.”  
“Rob said this morning, ‘Da, me and Harry say bring her home to us’ and I am here to see how I might bring it about.”  
I leaned toward him before saying most earnestly, “I do not believe I can. Susan is beautiful, rich, influential and always in control. She makes up her own mind about absolutely everything and often makes the minds up of the individuals she is dealing with before they have stopped to wonder how it came to be. I have no encouragement for you, Graham, only the caution to guard your heart.”  
“I did not take you for a scriptures man, Parker! Tis glad I am to hear the seed from a proverb I hold dear. I shall leave it, then, until I can help her convince her mind that I am such a man who will give her the kingdom of his heart to rule.”  
If my purpose had been to dissuade him from pursuing Lady Susan, it would appear all I had done was set him on a path to pray for the intervention of the Higher Power.

When I returned to Windswept for tea, I found Ladies Denham and Worcester holding court as they watched the babies expose their daily charm. They were laughing and in good humor and I kissed Charlotte in front of them with no hesitation.  
“Well,” said Lady Denham drolly, “One would think you had been gone for years instead of only to town for a morning, Mr Parker! Must you share your passion so openly…I for one am quite jealous!” she said pretending to pout.  
I laughed before gathering her hand for a kiss and I bowed over Susan with equal attention.  
When both ladies giggled, with Charlotte, I reached for Ben, realizing if I am not more forceful in claiming time with you, my children, you will be lost to me for the summer.  
“I am home for the afternoon, Charlotte and I thought I might check on the new horses that have just arrived at the stable.”  
“I am most eager to see them,” said Susan, “From Pemberly Farms, you said? That is an exceptional holding of the Darcy Family in Derbyshire, if I am right!”  
“You are quite right, and though I have never met Mr Darcy in person I find his letters to be personable and without pretense.”  
“Well count me out,” said Lady Denham, “I have lost my interest in all four-legged creatures…except Barker Parker!” He wagged his tail lazily and shifted positions for the continuation of his nap.  
It was a lovely afternoon and we progressed more than a quarter of a mile in companionable silence.  
“I enjoyed your musical fete last night and I understand from Lady Denham these evening gatherings have become quite the habit.”  
“The more visitors that find their way to Windswept, the more Charlotte is content to stay at home and rest this summer,” I offered. “It pleases us both to have such enjoyable company!”

She ran her hands over the horses with knowledge and appreciation. “Perhaps one afternoon we might take a ride? I would like to explore the beach by horseback!”  
I promised that I would make this happen and then she said, “Your friend Graham, does he ride?”  
‘I honestly have no idea!”  
“Oh, come now, Sidney! I feel your reluctance to talk about the man. He is fascinating and most attractive, and his sons are delightful! What can you tell me that Lady Denham has not already shared?”  
“I can say, most assuredly, Graham is one of my favorite people and I am pleased for the addition of his friendship into my life. As Crowe said, ‘Who knew what we needed in our lives was a Scot!’” I repeated.  
She looked up at me with her enigmatic smile and said, “My sentiments exactly!”  
“He came to see me this morning quite bewildered by the ‘wee wisp’ who stole his heart and robbed him of sleep. I quite dissuaded him from carrying a torch for you beyond my door, but I am afraid I only convinced him to become prayerful about the process!”  
She stopped. “What convinced you that he would not suit me? I am ready to spend the rest of my life being loved and adored, openly and peacefully! He is a man who lives with such passion and joy that any woman would face a life of adventure beside him! I think that is most evident on just my first impression!”  
“What about the Ton, Lady Susan? What about your status as queen of the Beau Monde?”  
“Oh, tosh!” said she. “None of that is real, you know, and I have grown quite bored with the games and the manipulation. Now that Prinny… now that King George, is firmly entrenched at Windsor, I can no longer find my way along familiar pathways.”  
“Let me know how I may help, Susan! I wish you both every happiness and I would be overjoyed if your paths converged.”  
“We shall see,” she said looking out over Sanditon Park. “I find your clifftop most conducive to romance and adventure.”

I left her at Lady Denham’s door and joined Rachel and John Riley and we walked the path to Windswept. Rachel was sure she would never see a more perfect coastline and John Riley was most eager to discuss the next musical night we might host at our house. Their happy chatter followed me to the front door where we found Charlotte sitting in the flower bed unable to stand up by herself.  
To her side I rushed, sure her sobs would break me. Her tears were through laughter and we all got a bit silly before I could help her to her feet.  
“Oh Sidney! I walked Lady Denham to her carriage and then I decided I would pull a weed or two! I did not fall exactly, it was more like a slow progression to the ground! When I reached the dirt, my only thought was that I might roll down hill and right over the edge and no one would ever know.”  
Picking her up, I walked with her over our threshold before setting her down in the drawing room.  
Sara hurriedly brought her a hot towel and we all had a cup of tea as we discussed the hidden attractions of Sanditon with her siblings and they met you both, my children, properly, once again.

I write tonight, of the unexplainable seed of romance. How it begins to grow and then blooms. How often might it appear to be cut down, only to grow again in the most unlikely places?

My children, I have not told your mother about the interest our friends have for one another. The time to do so did not present itself and, as both of them are mature and not inexperienced, I must stand back, content to watch the two, as they are drawn to each other.

Ben, the adventure of walking continues, and Grace, yours must begin sometime, though I must admit, if only to myself, I am most happy to carry you should you never wish to grow up!

I love you my children, good night!

Papa


	21. Chapter 21

5 June

I am kicking myself for telling both Susan and Graham, individually, that I was sure there was nothing I could do to help them find each other. Then I offered to do anything I could do, actually, but neither one of them chose to have Sidney Parker in the middle of whatever there might be developing between them. I should let it go, but it is really intriguing me. I know there is something because neither one of them gives the other the time of day when we are all together. The are congenial and friendly and are not at all interested in each other. I know better, and it makes me second guess all they both told me!

Charlotte appraised me above the top of her book on the afternoon of the first Ball of the summer. “Sidney you are positively jumping out of your skin! What is making you so nervous?”  
“I am just thinking about Tom and the importance of the Ball tonight for setting up the summer season! It is Alisha’s first ball. Rachel and John Riley are also attending for the first time! I might have to deal with Mrs Smithfelden and I hate to leave you here at home by yourself!” 

She watched me pace, read for awhile and turned the page. “Sidney? Could it be that Susan and Graham are going to the ball and you can not stand not knowing what there is between them?”  
“Absolutely not!” said I with as much indignation as I could muster, “It is none of my business!”  
I was saved by the appearance of Rachel who needed advice about her hair and when Charlotte saw her soiled slippers they began to discuss shoes and Charlotte sent me to our dressing room to retrieve a shoe box from the upper shelf.  
“Sit down Rachel,” she ordered. “I want to tell you a story!”

After I handed Charlotte the box she told Rachel the story of the night we first danced together.  
“In this box, Rachel are the dancing slippers I bought myself when I first came to Sanditon. You must tie them on each foot with the hope that every step you dance, every twirl and every stop will bring you closer to your own Sidney Parker, come what may.”  
I was so touched, for that first Ball was pushed into the corner of my mind reserved for regrets and the memory of some of my worst behavior. Perhaps I need to refurbish the memory into the vision Charlotte held. The night was her first real exposure to an outlier who met his match in a Heywood woman and would never be the same from that moment on. The first conversation between us was horrific and legendary and yet, forgiven by Charlotte anyway. I am not sure I will ever forgive myself.  
Kneeling in front of Rachel, I laced the slippers on her feet. Charlotte discarded the box beside the chair and then addressed me. “Just think Sidney, had you never offered me a penny for my thoughts we never would have started our journey toward …love, however circuitous was the route taken.”

“Now, Rachel, have fun! You look beautiful and John Riley will dance with you and so will Sidney, if you find yourself needing a partner!”

Off we went into the twilight. My love was at home with her feet on a pillow and I face the realization that I had become the middle aged man, faced with acting as chaperone for two young people headed to a Ball.

The Assembly room was beautifully decorated and the candlelight seemed to enhance every face. I sat next to Lady Denham and Lady Susan. I introduced Rachel to Alisha and John Riley to Harry and Robbie. Graham was resplendent in a kilt and cut away coat. His plaid hosiery sported a sheathed knife and his shirt had a frothy lace cravat.  
‘Hell! I thought, I can hardly look away from him! How will Susan be able to resist him?’

As Balls always do, the first dance set in motion the movement of ebullience and joy. The laughter seemed contagious as all drank in the magic of the night. Robbie danced with Alisha and then I saw them watching the dance floor from the balcony- my balcony! At the very moment I glanced up, Tom and Mary headed for the stairs and Lady Susan questioned my chuckle.  
“A penny for your thoughts, Sidney!” said she.  
“I was just thinking that there is nothing like a Ball to bring emotion to the forefront…how about you?”  
“My thoughts are much more…carnal, I imagine! I am thinking only of pleasure and dancing and the beauty of the night.”  
“Would a glass of champagne enhance your musings, my lady?”  
“Of course!” said she and I made my way to the refreshment table to retrieve two glasses, one for Lady D and the other for Lady Susan.  
When I returned there were two additional people in our alcove. The first was Mrs Smithfelden, the other, Graham.  
“Oh! It is you!” said Mrs S, addressing him with derision, “I have come to pay my respects to Lady Denham and I have no intention of dancing with you!”  
“I dinna make my way to this corner to dance with ye, woman! I am here to tempt dear Lady Worcester to waltz, if she’ll have me!”  
“She will!” answered Susan, brightly.  
They walked off to the dance floor together and I handed Lady Denham her drink before swiftly upending the other in a single gulp.  
As Dulcey and Crowe entered I almost ran to him, so glad was I to escape the company of Mrs Smithfelden.

We stood and watched the dancers. I watched Harry spin Rachel with immensely graceful movements, but it was Graham on whom every eye was drawn. For such a large man, his movements were fluid and deliberate. He in no way twirled Susan in any improper way and yet I felt as though I should not be watching their spins and twirls, nor should they seem so focused as were they on each other.

“Babers comes tomorrow,” said Crowe, “and I for one will be glad to have our dastardly trio together again!”  
“Crowe, we haven’t been 'dastardly' for more than five years! Sounds like wishful thinking to me! We are all old married men now, you know!”  
‘Yes, well, I reserve the right to remember my former life with a bow toward the rosy and the self indulgent.”

Oh lord, I thought we sure were that!

The night ended soon enough and I was eager to return to Charlotte. Lady Denham, Rachel and John Riley rode with me in our carriage. Lady Susan had simply disappeared, and we passed Harry and Robbie walking home by themselves without their father.  
Lady Denham volunteered no news of her guest and I bid them all good night at the door to Sanditon House. After Jessup stopped for me to disembark on the front walk, I went to find Charlotte. The house was quiet and I assumed she was already in bed. Wells would put away the carriage and then he too, would withdraw for the night.

In the still, dark house, I began to walk softly, not wishing to disturb a sleeping child and I entered our room as Charlotte, deeply involved in her book, looked up and greeted me.

“It is a beautiful night! Might you join me under the stars for a bit of er, um…romance, Mrs Parker?”

We looked in on your two dear little heads before walking the path to our retreat above the beach, where it was bathed in the bright light of a waning moon. I sat on the bench above the cove and pulled Charlotte on to my lap, enjoying the slight breeze, the warm weather and the envelope of the night in which we sat in silence.  
It was a giggle, soft and quiet, that rose on the wind and floated up to where we sat. Charlotte raised her head from my shoulder and listened. Without a word we leaned over the wall and looked down to the cove where a large and very bare Scotsman was swimming naked, not with a silkie from his story, but an equally nude Susan, as she swam from the pebbled shore where she was enfolded into his arms.  
A split second passed before Charlotte began pulling me to the house. I was afraid of the anger I thought was propelling her to run and more than embarrassed about the scene we witnessed. When we reached our room, Charlotte let out a loud breath that ended in a giggle.  
“I guess you have your answer, Sidney!” said she. “You must never speak of it, even to tease Graham, about trespassers in our cove at night!”  
“I have only ever dreamed of such a thing Charlotte! I find myself more jealous than aghast!”  
“Oh? Do you wish to bathe with such a nymph in the night?” she teased.  
“Only if the sea nymph is you, my darling” I answered reaching for her.  
“Might you rub my feet, Sidney? My running so quickly to the house has made them both more sore than normal.”  
And so I did, my children. I was a bit envious of my friends, so free to explore their futures in such an open way and delighted to be here rubbing the feet of a wife who fell asleep so quickly that I carried her to bed rather than wake her.

You two will have first Balls and, no doubt, plenty of opportunities to misbehave in the moonlight!  
When you are six and forty, as is our dearest Susan, you may make that choice for yourselves, but not before! Your Papa will always be ‘leaning over the wall’ to make sure you are always making the best decisions for your lives. And, well, I might embarrass easily, so keep that in mind! Perhaps someday your mother will share the story of her walk near the coves so long ago, but if she does not, do not ask me! It is not my story to tell!  
I know you are growing while you sleep, my children. I can almost see the difference in your sizes every morning!

Good night Ben! Good night, Grace!

Sweet dreams.

Papa

8 June

The Babingtons arrived bringing waves of controlled chaos to the neighborhood. Babers with his smiling countenance was ever patient as the twins, now talking constantly bombarded him with questions.

“Why, Fatha? When, Fatha! Now, Fatha?”  
It was like watching him try to live life with a bee hive on his head and the dawning realization that this would be the future of my own best life filled me with such trepidation that I marveled at his patience and humor.  
On just such an afternoon we were on the beach at the cove where the children were constructing a castle that seemed to resemble a light house.  
“No, no, no Wuby!” said Charles standing back. “We must put in a window!”  
“We seem to have a hard time pronouncing ‘Rs’ at our house,” explained Babers, ‘but the twins are a bit embarrassed about it, so pretend you do not notice!”  
“Of course, Babers!” I responded. Oh, dear Lord if the pronunciation of the letter R is all that goes slightly wrong in the raising of my children, I, too, will be a delighted man.  
“I did not know that light houses only had one window! Let me help!” said I, sitting down beside them.  
Ruby raised her hand to protect their sandy construction from my willing hands.  
“This is not a lighthouse! This is a towa!”  
“A tower?”  
“Yes,” said she somberly. “It is ‘Punzel’s Towa!”  
Now what kind of man would I be if I did not know the Grimm’s brothers’ story, but I asked Charles and Ruby to tell me the tale while they patted the sand into shape.  
“ ‘Punzel was a lovely pwincess and an evil ol’ lady stole she away when she was a babe and locked she in a high towa.”  
“Yes,” added Charles, “and the life she led was vewy lonely until a Pwince came to save she…”  
“Punzel. Punzel…let down yuse haias!”intoned Charles.  
“And she did and he wescued she and took she back to she Fatha!” finished Ruby.  
“Why did the old lady steal her?”  
“Because she was vewy good, and she had long twesses and she was vewy dea’ to she fatha!” answered Ruby. She was rubbing her sandy hand along my jaw line, inspecting my whiskers with intention. Her father’s smooth shaven jowls were familiar territory and she always found my face with her fingers, no matter what were we discussing.  
“What kind of wicked old lady would put a baby girl in a tower?” I wondered aloud.  
Charles began to giggle and it was quite an infectious sound. I was chuckling before I caught his answer.  
“Lady Denham would lock us both inside she towa if she had one!”  
“Yes,” added Ruby, “The snake on her flooa will bite you if you be naughty!”  
“Now, children!” intervened their father, “Lady Denham would never harm either of you in any way!”  
I laughed loudly, in spite of Babers warning and the children were quite pleased to delight me.  
“Just you wait, friend,” grumbled Babington, “Your day will come, and you will realize how very little you can control regardless of your vigilance!”

When we returned to the house we found Lady Susan, Esther and the Baby, Charlotte and our children. Rachel, John Riley and the Jessups, all in the drawing room, talking a once.  
John Riley reached into his pocket for several tin whistles and Babington accompanied him to the outside room so he might teach Charles and Ruby how to play their gifts. Charlotte sat on the divan with her feet on a footstool thoroughly entertained but not participating in the mayhem.

“Tonight Crowe and Dulsey will join us for a light super," she said, " and then Graham and his boys will lead a night of music. Since Esther and Babington have not met him yet, I want to make sure they do!” she told me.  
“Charlotte are you up to all this? You seem a bit estranged from this pandemonium!” I said, concerned.  
“Do not worry, Sidney! Take Grace from Susan so she might have a cup of tea!”  
I had not seen Susan since her swim at the cove and she met my gaze without suspecting that I knew she and Graham had moved forward in their friendship.  
“Hello, Sidney,” said she.  
“My lady,” I responded, “I hope you are happy and well!”  
“I am feeling nothing short of blessed,” said she.

I moved with Grace to stand in the hall, rocking you, my baby, in my arms and so very glad that the anxiety that accompanies falling in love is nothing I will ever have to go through again in my lifetime.

Charlotte and I would have a conversation that pleased me so completely I was floating like a kite and the next day provoke me so greatly that I was choked for breath! Those days were confusing and confounding and it took every ounce of fortitude we both could conjure together to bring our strong wills into a yoke that would enhance our lives.  
My Children, I think of this every single day. It seems to me that the very few really hard times in life are much easier to remember than the myriad of many wonderful events that fill our days.

If you mull these things over too often, a truly happy pinnacle might never be reached in your lives so I would encourage you both to make solid decisions and stay away from towers and the old ladies that might capture your dreams! But never make the mistake of Charles and Ruby! I promise you both, Lady Denham only brings you love.

I write with love and humor and anticipation that all that occurs will always be more than we can imagine.

Dream, my dear ones, of every good thing.  
I love you Ben and Grace,

Papa


	22. Chapter 22

16 June

Diana and Hans returned from Germany yesterday and it was as though a sigh of relief seemed to flow through me, upward from my feet. It is though I subconsciously believe that his being back in town will insure a better-than-best outcome for Charlotte and the twins. I know he is not the talisman for rejuvenation and good health in Sanditon, I just am more comfortable now that he is home.  
It occurred to me that a borrowed bathing costume from Tom would enable Charlotte to float around in our cove and the buoyancy of her body in the water would take the incessant pressure on her back away, just for a little while, while letting her be comfortable. I unleashed a horrible afternoon in which the bathing costume did not fit, the hike down to the cove was too far and the nimbleness required of Charlotte feeling like a sea nymph was a figment of my imagination. It simply did not work and the result was a very frustrated wife and a husband fresh out of brilliant ideas.

Sara filled the tub with tepid water and soft scent, allowing Charlotte to float awhile within the comfort of our own room.  
“The problem is, Sidney, you wish me to rise as some mythological goddess, pregnant and overflowing with good feeling for the world, every morning! I have none of this graciousness left! I want to be left alone! I am tired and I feel like I no longer fit within my skin! You nuzzle my neck at night, and as much as I want to pull you to me, I think ‘please just give me more covers’ and be content to hold my hand!”  
For a moment I stood above the tub, shattered as I heard her words fall as rejection in my mind and heart.  
“Do not misconstrue my words! This is only temporary and not an indictment on you as my husband, my dearest love…just do not touch me or I will fall apart. Charlotte, queen of the elephants, feels like going on a rampage if only she had the energy to pull it off!”  
Her attempt at levity fell flat and I sat down on the floor next to the tub. I placed my hand in the tub. Trailing my fingers in the water.  
“I can not tell you how to feel,” I said, “I can only try to tell you how I feel about how you look to me. I wish you would never say that you resemble an elephant, for you do not! There is more of you to love, temporarily, and then the babies will be here that we might all participate in loving which, until they are here, has been only allowed by you! Please know that I will do whatever you ask, but you must ask me. Oh, that I could read your mind! I am just a man with no clue how things really are, unless you tell me.”  
“Kiss me. Sidney. If you can, without ruining your shirt!” So, of course I kissed her! This is far more important than a sodden shirt.

Diana was back in the Emporium as was Crowe and Willis. I felt like a wraith as I floated through the store to my office and was delighted to find Graham waiting on me with his feet up on my desk.  
He stood at once.  
“I thought your day would start before mid-morning,” said he, “Er ya jest lazy or uninspired by the merits of a new day?”  
I mumbled something which was awarded by a rather large slap on the back and I realized again that it would take very little for him to break me in half, regardless of how fit I kept myself.  
It was then that he pulled a velvet draw string bag from beneath the voluminous swarth of plaid he wore over one shoulder. He dumped the contents of it in his hand and held it out for my perusal. Even in his gigantic palm the brooch appeared enormous and the extraordinary item threw prisms of colored refracted light upon the wall from the light of my window.  
It was a bouquet of three thistles, the familiar flora of Scotland. The top of each was made of tiny pearls over pods made from amethysts and sapphires, the spikey leaves were emeralds and the stems fell into a droopy gold rope centered by a ruby. I had never seen a piece of jewelry so finely wrought and I looked at him and said, “May I?”  
It was heavy and beautiful and when I finally relinquished it, he said, “So will it do?”  
“For what exactly?”  
“An engagement present!”  
“Graham! Should I ask for whom? Good heavens, man, you rarely speak to her when we are all together!”  
His eyes twinkled as he placed the pin back within the velvet pouch.  
“Me romance is a quiet thing, between the two of us! I feel no need to shout what has been the desire of my heart from the moment I saw her.”  
“I wish you every happiness.” I said, “But that does not look like the brooch of a crofter from the Highlands!”  
“Whoever said I was a crofter?” said he. “You men from Sanditon are full up with assumptions!”  
He chuckled to himself as he walked away.  
I realized everything I did know about him had come from Lady Denham, but I had no idea from whom her information came!  
He offered no personal information when first I befriended him. I had my own exposure to his kindness and care. Did I care about from whence he came to live among us? I do not.

Babington, Crowe, and I met at the Crown for an afternoon drink and after a half of bottle of Port we acknowledged that as much as we liked our moment away, we were all eager for home and hearth and the challenges awaiting us in the places for which we had the greatest longing.  
After we stood and were about to depart Crowe crumpled into a chair and we looked at him in wonder.  
“Are you alright?” asked Babers, “Quickly, Miss! Some water!”  
We sat back down next to him and for the first time, I noted his pallor and the bead of sweat upon his brow.  
“Do not fuss over me, men! Just tell me how it might be!”  
I will admit my mind flew to the flask of cough syrup and my mind riffled through potential illnesses.  
Babers, however, was more astute.  
“Are you and Dulcey with child, then, friend? This is cause for celebration not fright!”  
“I do not know whether I wish to run or scream, and no offense, after seeing the constant mayhem in your houses, the thought that I might control this with my normal aplomb has quite vanished! There is nothing in my soul that is not related to panic and I am not sure I will survive,” said Crowe.  
Well, my children, I have to admit I laughed before I reassured him that the panic was the least we deserved for our nights of unlimited pleasure that brings us to this state.  
“Yes,” said Babers with signature charm, “We can all only call on Sidney and Charlotte in a few weeks to grow more contented with life in our own households!”  
“That is not even slightly funny, Babers!” I grumbled, noting that the thought did make Crowe smile.  
“No, Parker…but we all know it will be true!”

I arrived home to find Ben sleeping on Charlotte’s shoulder and Grace standing in the middle of the library. You swayed back and forth, my darling, not sure of your balance and with nothing close enough to offer sure footing or a hold. I reached down to offer my finger and you grinned as you toddled toward the nearest chair. My heart ached a little, as I witnessed these first steps! It seems you have decided to walk, after all, though I am quite sure this is an early accomplishment brought on by the desire to keep up with Ben.

When I leaned forward to kiss Charlotte she said, “How did you know offering just a finger to Grace would suffice? I was in a panic to scoop her up before she might fall!”  
“Should she wish help from her Papa, Papa will always be here! I am afraid I will take away her power to grow, if only she will let me! A finger is all I could trust myself to offer!”  
Charlotte giggled. “If only I had four arms, imagine what I might accomplish!”  
I growled at her then, “Yes, my darling, for two of them might always be holding me while you work!”  
“Sidney! You are so silly! I meant for the care and keeping of babies!”  
“Yes…well…” I retorted, “I might have had something to do with the situation in which we now find ourselves!”  
“Undoubtedly,” she answered, kissing me soundly.

On the first of July, your uncle John Riley will open his music store and Mother Heywood returns to help as we wait these last weeks on the babies. Bess will move from Trafalgar House and the twins will be upon us, Ben and Grace.  
You will become the older brother and sister and, by still being babies yourself, I will expect you to whisper in my ear should you have suggestions as I strive to be a better Papa! I know I will need all the help I can get.

Good night, dear Ben! Sweet dreams, my Grace! You are, no doubt, dreaming about chasing your Barker Parker through the garden as you dance away from your Papa, and I ask you please wait on me to follow!

I love you! Never doubt it,  
Papa

1 July

The winds were quiet, and the patio room packed with family and friends on the night after the music shop had opened. James and Alison brought Jamison, Mother Heywood floated among our friends, meeting, re-greeting and sharing her Heywood graciousness. Lady Susan and Lady Denham came over in the carriage and Alisha was seated between Tom and Mary, but her eyes followed Robbie as though held captive by his face.  
Graham’s pipes started off the night and my spine tingled with the melodic pull of the Highlands.  
Charlotte and I perched upon the stoop of the house, away from the crowd of family and friends. She laced her fingers in my own and said, “Did you see Susan’s brooch? It was pinned on the front of her dress in a loop of Graham’s plaid, so I assume it is a gift!”  
“Are you making assumptions again, Mrs Parker?” I teased. She elbowed me in the ribs before saying, “I have never seen Susan dressed when the finest jewels in the realm were not at her disposal, but I have never seen such a brooch!”  
John Riley played happy tunes and led the Babington twins in their debut performance on the tin whistle. It was both charming and dear, even if the tune was a bit muddled. They were immensely proud of themselves and Babers grinned as though they had accomplished a symphony!  
I was pleased that the Hankins were present this night. Although always invited they did not often leave the vicarage at night and I was pleased to see them.  
At a pause in the music Robbie and Harry stood up and walked to their father and they were joined by Reverend Hankins.  
“Charlotte,” I whispered, “does he play or sing? I do think he is of a mind to entertain us!”

He turned to the group who had quieted when he stood and said, “Good evening! I want to read a bit of a paper here and ask for your indulgence as we proceed with the matter at hand.”  
Babers caught my eye, as did Crowe, but I noticed that Graham was looking at his feet.  
“I have in my hand a special license for the marriage of Lady Susan Worcester to Wallace Blair Graham and should there be no dissent among you, it is my plan to bless this union in a wedding to be held this night.” He paused and it seemed he quite enjoyed the cumulative gasp that spread through the crowd.  
“Might Charlotte and Sidney join us as witnesses?”  
We walked across the tract, and either of us could have been blown off our feet with a feather. As Charlotte walked toward the boys, I offered Susan my arm and Jessup played a stanza or two of Bach on his violin.  
We gathered in front of our friends and stood with no imagination of what would happen next.  
“Dearly Beloved,” he intoned rocking a bit on his toes, “This night we stand before God on this beautiful point of land so lovingly built to showcase the stars and the coast below, to celebrate the marriage of these two children of God, Susan and Wallace, as they pledge to each other their love and their lives…”  
I am not sure, my children, what he said next, for when I looked around there were not many dry eyes among those watching. The touching way they looked at each other on precisely the spot where they met only weeks before, was breathtaking and right.

“I now pronounce you man and wife! Until you each are called into the arms of God in death, shall you love and treasure one another and live in grace and peace, Amen.”

The applause was immediate and the four of them hugged each other close: the new Graham family! After all was signed and sealed, they left the gathering with no further fanfare, in Lady Susan’s carriage, headed toward town.  
Lady Denham was the first to speak and she said quite loudly, “Well, it is never dull in Sanditon and I should have known something was afoot when an epistle arrived for Susan with the seal of the Marquess of Montrose. The House of Graham is quite renowned in Scotland, you know!”  
There were a few more tunes sent skyward, but the stunning night soon ended.

Charlotte turned to me in our room and said, “Tell the truth, Sidney, did you know about Graham’s plans?”

“I promise I did not! Graham showed the brooch to me, but I had no idea he would propose with such alacrity, much less wed with no hesitation! And Susan! She has kept her own counsel, not wanting to put anyone out and longing for the simple in her life! She has embraced this with such an appreciation for the ease at which it might be done that I am quite struck.”  
“Who is the Marquess of Montrose?” asked Charlotte wonderingly.  
“I am not sure, but no doubt Scottish and delighted with the addition of Lady Susan Worcester to his family.”  
“I can not help but think of our King this night,” she responded. “His heart will probably be crushed, and no throne on earth will ever cure that malaise.”

My own thoughts were of Graham who never wavered once his heart’s desire presented itself. The experience of loss had taught him the valuable lesson of how quickly life passes and his choice of bride was testament to his great judgment.  
“Crowe told us that Dulcey is expecting,” said I, changing the subject.  
Charlotte giggled. “If after witnessing our household they choose to have a family of their own, I can honestly say nothing could persuade them otherwise!” said she.  
“I will encourage them both to practice on our bunch! Perhaps it will help alleviate his terror!” I said, only half in jest.  
“And do you, Sidney? Do you feel terror when you think of what is to come?”  
I saw the slight quiver of her chin and I struggled to find the words that would console her, while speaking the truth.  
“Yes, I am terrorized that the process might take you from me! That a child might be lost! That I might not be enough of a man to provide the fathering a group such as ours will require! And equally follows the delight of all that might come when all is well and our biggest struggle will be telling our children all they must know as I think about the ways they will be blessed to have you as their mother.”

I ran my hand through my hair, frustrated I could not be more comforting.  
She gathered me to her as my mother used to do, taking my chin in her hand to look straight into my eyes.  
“Terror and fear will never overcome us, Sidney, as long as we believe in each other.”

I have left her sleeping to write down these thoughts, my darlings, Ben and Grace.  
Believe Papa when I say that words are highly overrated and sometimes you just have to jump into the river of situations life presents you with and start swimming.  
I must admit that the future is not in my control, but I look forward to the days ahead and all that will come.

Good night, Grace. Good night, Ben.  
You have my love on this surprising night, as always,  
Papa


	23. Chapter 23

25 July

The mid-summer Ball approaches on the calendar and the height of the summer so far has been the Cricket on the beach followed by the Regatta earlier today. 

I am able to report, without equivocation, that Stringer and his hearty band of workers trounced the gentlemen’s team at the cricket. It is irrelevant how badly, but we were decidedly out of shape, distracted by the sudden influx of midges on the beach and the lack of breeze on a day when the sane among us were home napping.

More brave was our fight at the Regatta. All of us poured our hearts out over our oars but in the end, we did not stand a chance against Stringer and his team. 

Arthur returned from Italy in time to act as Coxswain and he shouted out encouraging phrases in both Italian and English, but the magic of the first summer was not there. Charlotte stayed home during both events, and every moment of each day only reminded me of where we started and how far we have come. How I longed for her to be with me!

I returned home, following the Regatta with the realization that my shoulders belonged to a much older man, that my hips felt like I had been kicked by a mule and my hands had been blistered in the efforts with the oars.

The mid-day walk from town had given me a good twenty minutes to work up a long list of bodily complaints and I had every vision of walking into the house to find Charlotte who would show great concern and compassion for my poor frazzled body, ministering over me with kindness.

It was not to be. Charlotte was in the tub, panting through her first strong contractions, her face perspiring. There was no extra sympathy to be found for me within these quarters and I was immediately led to yell, ‘Wait, wait…wait we are not ready!’ to no avail. I rubbed her back and Mother Heywood readied all the space within our chambers.

Jessup was sent to town for the doctor and my agony was complete when I watched those eyes, so like chocolate drops in my beloved’s face, begin to melt into tears as they rolled down her face.  
Everyone left us as I helped her dry and rubbed her body with oil. Only then did I change my shirt, take off my shoes and walk Charlotte through the house. Back and forth we walked for an hour.  
When Mother Heywood reentered our room, she said, “Sidney is there any reason to believe this year will be any different than was the arrival of Grace? Are you staying here with Charlotte?”

“Yes Ma’am, I am!” I looked at Charlotte from the side of my eye, half expecting to be dismissed. 

We settled side by side on the coverlet and I began reading from Paradise Lost. The Milton poem was involved and held our attention until Charlotte was racked again by two babies planning their imminent escape.  
Sara brought tea. Esther and Alison came by. One with a bouquet of flowers, the other with a plate of pastries.

As the afternoon wore on Hans and Diana began a vigil in the drawing room, but at no time did Hans appear as Dr Fuchs to usurp the absolute rule of our room from Mother Heywood.

By dinnertime, Charlotte was ready to push. It was merely six hours since labor began, and I dumped my book on the floor to sit behind her and help. I had the silly thought that I might serve as the coxswain and every encouraging phrase I could think of rolled off my lips as we anticipated the arrival of our babies.

There were moments of laughter…when Charlotte pointed out that “Paradise Lost” might be the title for the passing of our quiet lives and when I tried to repeat a cheer that Arthur had made in our boat earlier in the day.

“What was that?” Charlotte asked, “Was that Italian?!”  
‘Yes!” I answered, proudly, “Arthur shouted it at us the Regatta today and I found it encouraging and stimulating.”  
“My languages are a bit limited, but I think you just said, “Beloved, work like a ‘happy pig in the mud’.”  
“Oh! Charlotte! I am so sorry!”  
When I looked over at Mother Heywood her shoulders were shaking with mirth and I thanked God for their senses of humor that allowed me to stay when other women might have thrown me out the door.  
“You might just stick with English, for your poetry and encouragement!” Charlotte admonished.

Seven and a quarter hours later a boy was born and, in quick succession, his brother followed. They came into the world crying loudly. They were red and seemed awfully angry about their travels into the world, upset to leave their tight cocoon.

Dulcey and Mother Heywood cleaned them up while the babies calmed and Hans came in to make sure Charlotte was as good as could be. I kissed her and moved from the bed to see my sons for the first time.  
They were identical! Identically dimpled chins, a wild thatch of black hair standing up at odd angles against their heads and foreheads creased with the concentration of living. They seemed to pass the baton of ire back and forth as they were handled. Only when they both were handed to Charlotte did they quiet, somewhat, and she looked lovingly upon them.  
“Look, Sidney! They will always have us guessing who is who?! Do we even know who came first?”

Mother Heywood came forward to fold back the flannel into which the baby on the right was wrapped. Loosely tied around his little ankle was a tiny grosgrain ribbon. And we laughed at her practical solution to a situation we had not even considered.

“Sidney!” said Charlotte, “please take him! I have to pu- u- u- sh!”  
And so, she did. Mother Heywood was holding a baby, I was holding a baby, Hans was toweling his arms when suddenly there was another baby on the bed with Charlotte. Hans scooped up the baby, Dulcey took my boy from me and we all held our collective breaths while the good Dr Fuchs took over the process.  
“Ah, yes, it is ein tiny daughter, Charlotte!” He worked her over patting her back clearing her airways, coaxing her to life! 

When I reached Charlotte, I realized I was crying, great gulping breathless sobs, silent and overwhelming! As Hans turned around, and slightly shook his head, before saying “I do not think she will breathe!” I climbed beside Charlotte and we wept together.

“Please… please try again!” Charlotte begged. Dulcey had just covered up Charlotte, when the door was flung open by Graham who took the baby in his large hands and began gently moving his fingers up and down on the miniature chest. Thump… Thump… Thump… and then the slightest breath, not unlike a sigh came from her body. It was thrilling! The sound was like the first wheezing breath of the pipes Graham plays so well. He continued the gentle rocking and thumping until our girl was crying lustily.  
Then he winked at us, handed the baby back to Hans and disappeared into the hall. 

The tiny girl was turning from bluish beige to pink to red and her cries became bellows.  
“Oh my God, Charlotte! Triplets!” I was amazed and overwhelmed, and I cried with relief!  
“You have three beautiful babies! Congratulations!” said Mother Heywood. “Two identical twin sons and a baby girl! She is the spitting image of Sidney Parker!”  
Perfectly formed and wide awake she looked around at us. We knew there was no way the tiny eyes could take us in, but her eyes reflected a knowing of us both and contentment to be in our arms.

“I do not know how your friend Graham knew what to do,” said Hans, “but I would like to bring him in, if I may. I know he saved her life!”

I was on the coverlet next to Charlotte, our arms full of babies, when Graham and Susan came in.  
Susan held you, Grace, and Graham had you, Ben.

“Graham, I am unable to tell you… we want to say thanks…” and Charlotte began to laugh and cry. We all became emotional wrecks as they perched on the edge of our bed with their wriggly charges.  
“Ah, ‘ullo wee bairn! Twas like coaxing life into a new lamb! And I just helped her along until I made up her mind, she was wanting to stay,” said Graham softly, speaking to her.  
Ben was most interested in checking out the interlopers in his Mother’s arms and Grace wanted no part of anyone brazen enough to take over her position in the arms of her Papa.  
Within a moment, five children, all under the age of one year, were screaming their lungs out in protest of swaddles and siblings. Dulcey took Ben and Grace as she and Mother Heywood walked into the hall.

The look of wonder Dulcey gave Charlotte made us laugh and Charlotte said, “I would love to hear Crowe’s response to the first sentence Dulcey utters when she arrives home!”  
As would I!

“Charlotte, my dear Charlotte…”  
“Do you remember all those months ago, Sidney, when you jested there might be THREE? I threw a pillow at your head and yet, here we are!”

Susan said, “Why don’t you men head to the cove and work off the anxiety of the afternoon with a happy swim? Charlotte needs to rest for awhile before babies need their Mamma and I will stay with her. The world must adjust to increasing in size by three lovely inhabitants, you know! The night is bright and warm… and do not worry, we are not inclined to peek over the wall tonight, no matter how we are tempted!”  
I reddened, in spite of myself, and Graham laughed. “The cheek of the woman!” said he, “I am overcome by the saining she has become in my life! Tis a blessing, indeed!”

I hated to leave Charlotte’s side for a moment, but I followed Graham down the darkened path to the cove and disrobed without a second thought. The water enclosed me with a soothing elixir of relief and comfort. I swam through the kinks in my joints and the fog in my brain.

“Graham we have FIVE children under the age of one! FIVE!”  
“How glad am I of this fact in your life, and not my own!” said he with a chuckle. “God is in his heaven and He knows what you and Charlotte can do together! Ya dinna think you would be left on your own, did ya? Have faith in ya’self man and God knows just where to put his children! They were His first, ye kin!”

When we returned to the house, it was after midnight and Charlotte was up with Bess working to feed everyone and planning, as much as she could, with the wet nurse from town. It was as if I had walked into a busy hive competing for time with their queen.

Ben and Grace, you were both fast asleep in your little beds and I spent a moment watching you sleep as is my habit.  
I padded back through the house where Bess handed over my fragile baby girl. She was tiny and pink, sleepy and saggy and I held her against my chest feeling her delicate pulses of new life.  
Mother Heywood had fashioned a sling that wrapped around my neck enabling me to clasp this tiny child against my heart, her thought being the sound of my heart would sooth her and I became instantly mesmerized by her beauty.

I sat in the chair by the fire holding the back of my hand against her delicate head and looking over the wrinkles of the tiniest fingers I have ever seen. Charlotte walked over to me with boy number two and I cradled him in my other arm.

As she walked away I said, “Charlotte! I need some help! She made her way to me as well as someone could who had three determined humans pass through her petite body.

“What is it my love? Is something wrong”  
As tired as she was she kissed me with such tenderness that I began to work for the words that would choke through tears to tell her how very much she means to me.  
“I have been the happiest of men these past years with you in my life! It is an uncontested competition that I win, every single morning of my life! But these children, what you did today, presenting me with these beautiful babies, it is an unsurpassed gift. Thank you, Charlotte.”

“You are most welcome Sidney…now the real work begins!” She turned to the bed when I said, rather sheepishly, “Charlotte come back!”  
She did and stood before me, obviously longing for bed and to get off her feet.  
“Yes?”  
“Erm…do you think…would you mind…could you scratch my nose right above the bridge…over to the right. Ah, yes! Thank you!”  
She giggled sleepily as she tucked herself into bed. “Sidney, what might you have done had I said ‘No’?”  
“My choices were limited… a sneeze loud enough to wake the household or the edge of mantle…I might have gotten a rub from…” but Charlotte was already deeply asleep, her work so well done. I have said it multiple times before my children, but I loved her more in that moment than in any other time in my life!

Bess came for the babies, but I relinquished only my boy. I sit with this angel girl still clasped against my heart, like a doll in my pocket, as I write. She is helping me keep watch over my family as you all sleep, just like the angel Gabriel, quiet and watchful.

Good night big brother Ben! You will now have four friends for life! Sweet dreams Grace! Three brothers and a sister who will adore you!  
We must talk names tomorrow. Ben and Grace and A, B and C? or Grace and Ben and 1,2 3?  
No? We will do better, I promise.

What a day!

My love to you all,

Papa


	24. Chapter 24

6 August

There was a Ball in Sanditon this week, it has rained for the third straight day and I have had so many cups of tea that ‘teatime’ is now at any hour a cup might be wrested from Sara when she passes through the house with a pot. I do not know if it is morning or night and I have never been happier in my life.  
Lady Denham came yesterday to hug Grace and informed us all that our giddy euphoria would crash into total exhaustion, but I must say, Charlotte is managing all of us with ease and kindness.  
Thanks to her, there is a system in place with Bess in charge of the little ones in the nursery. Our tiniest Parkers are passed between Mother Heywood and Charlotte and their nurse until noon. Before dinner Mother Heywood departs for Sanditon House where she rests before coming back at dusk. Susan and Graham come after nap time and spend an hour or so with Grace and Ben and then the babies shift among us for more dry nappies and feeding and sleeping.

It is quite a production! At Hans’ suggestion the drawing room door is the boundary of the house and no one comes beyond the doors for gawking or handling of small Parkers. The babies are so tiny, and though apparently strong, he wants to expose them to as little that might hurt them as is possible.  
We snatch sleep in fits and spurts and eat in shifts.

Let me say a word about these handsome Parker boys. They look exactly like Charlotte, firstly. Secondly, they are always hungry and, thirdly, always wet. That their bodies are working well is a great comfort, but Sanditon will have a run on cloth for nappies if there has not been one already. As revealing is the fact that boy number one has a dimple in his left cheek and boy number two has a dimple in his right one, this should help us tell them apart as long as we can keep them happy.

In the pocket of flannel, over my chest is the little joy of my heart. Where the boys are robust and cranky, she is sweet and easily comforted. Mother Heywood says she looks like me, but her demeanor is soft and dear. There is no darkness in this child and as long as the palms of my hand cradle her, she is happy. She observes me with those interested eyes that seem read to my soul.  
This afternoon Crowe and Babers stood outside looking through the window as we display the babies. The weather had cleared, and they leaned on their umbrellas to wave and make comments through the glass.

“Good Lord, Parker! Has Dr Fuchs decided if this is catching or not? I can not fathom upending my life for one small child, much less five!” said Crowe.  
“They are beautiful babies, my friend,” said Babers. “Have you thought of having more?”  
My hands were full, so I simply stuck my tongue out at both of them before turning away from the window.

They had been gone for only a few minutes when the Hankins came to the window!  
“My word,” said the Reverend, “We must not wait too long for a naming ceremony in order to keep these wonderful babies straight! Have you and Charlotte thought about names?”

“This morning we managed to talk around their names in circles and though we are sure they will grow into any name we might give them, they seem too small to over burden them as yet. I can say that Charlotte refused a numerical reference out of hand, so one, two and three they will not be.”  
He laughed. “Just let me know when the time is nigh and I will christen them with relish!”  
“Not with ‘relish’, dear!” whispered Mrs Hankins, “It sounds like you might endorse them with salad spread!”

“NO, No! of course I meant I would christen them with great enthusiasm!” said he, a bit flustered.

As I turned away from the window it struck me as funny that the Parker relish babies would be welcome to the world with great enthusiasm. Charlotte found it less than funny and so we made an effort to seriously consider names.  
“George?” said she “Too royal?”

Babers has Charles and Ruby and Edith. Tom has James, Henry, Alisha and Ginny. Graham has Harry and Robbie. Every conceivable name is attached to a Heywood child already. We made lists, none of which struck us as right.  
“This little girl already has a name in the mind of her Papa,” I told Charlotte. “What do you think of this?”  
She read what I had written and kissed my cheek. “Alright, one down, two to go!” she said.

Every day has a rhythm with a cadence requiring teamwork and care for each other. When kindness is in short supply, Charlotte always stops every person in their tracks until it is restored. When irritation filters through a conversation, we stop and regroup. They are babies fully embracing all that babies do and the expectation for good behavior must be placed on ourselves and not on them. We swap children, take short breaks and we all walk miles down the halls of Windswept until equilibrium is restored, regardless how short are the moments it might last.

In absolute darkness I woke, sitting up, wide awake. The house was silent, still, and I reached over to Charlotte waking her with my forefinger against my mouth. When she realized she heard no disturbing noise I did not hesitate as I rushed her from the house into the starlight and down the path to the cove.

She stood very still while I tugged her gown over her head, and I dropped my own clothes on the shore. I pulled her into the water still warm from the day, yet chilly enough to chase away the remnants of our slumber. We swam in the black of night, buoyant and joyous, enjoying the company of each other in ways we had only ever thought about. It was just us, under a navy sky, full of stars and promises for our young family and the dreams of all that might be.

I could still feel sand between my toes midmorning, so I ask Sara to fill the tub for Charlotte so she might bathe and wash her hair. When I closed the door the expression on her face was relaxed and happy. I was delighted by our midnight romp that required nothing of each other but our company and peace.  
In record time we decided on names for the little Parkers. We corralled everyone on the terrace, with Reverend Hankins at the helm, for a naming service and a baptism.

“We gather under this loggia, as sure as we are that today it serves as a cathedral without walls or ceiling. If any space created by man for the purpose of recognizing God’s handiwork is such a place, we are here. On this day, we humbly baptize three children of God and name them.” He splashed baptismal water on three confused little heads and prayed over them.

“It is here we name three little Parkers and ask God to bless them as they grow up in this remarkable family that only God could create with an omnipotence of care and a great sense of humor!”  
“The angel Gabriel brought news of a holy birth to a young girl, Mary, and we have always been inspired by such holy voices and plans.”  
“May I present this special child, named for such a messenger, for she will be a strong woman, named for those people in her life who represent wisdom, strength and kindness. May I present Margaret Susan Gabriella Graham Parker. May she grow into her name with joy.”

There was a bit of applause, even though a sacred service is often a place void of such things, and I saw Mother Heywood grip Susan and Graham’s hands on either side of her. I can say, should you wonder, the most stalwart of Scotsmen can shed a tear without hesitation.  
Gabriella was back in my arms when her brothers were presented.  
“Joseph John Wallace Parker and Arthur Laurence Michael Parker meet your family and friends. These are the people who love you most and will lead you forward into lives of blessing! May you two also receive unsurpassed joy and lives full of love!”  
Francis Crowe yelled out from the back, “And a bit of mischief, boys, so there is never fear of your attaining perfection!”  
Everyone laughed, even the vicar, and his prayer of dismissal was short and sweet.

Sara and Mrs Pomeroy from Sanditon House had produced a spread across our lawn that could stand in any dining room for a visit from the Royal entourage. Food and fun was in copious quantity. At the center of the table were three pineapples from Antigua, cut for tasting, with no parasites in sight. Lady Denham remarked that Georgiana had, indeed, brought her some comeuppance and it was very tasty, and everyone laughed.  
Arthur, holding Georgiana’s little girl, walked up to me with wonder on his face.  
“Sidney? Did you and Charlotte mean to give your little boy my name or name him after me?”  
“Arthur! He is named for you! He is your namesake. Charlotte and I can only hope your goodness and humor will fill every corner of his life! We hope this is okay with you.”  
I can tell you now my children, the Parker men cry without embarrassment and are often stronger following the experience. 

Crowe, Arthur and Diana simply took over at the Emporium. Susan and Graham just managed Ben and Grace. Charlotte and I simply enjoyed making discoveries about our babies. We embraced our flagging energy levels and it was all we could do to crawl in bed at night and not fall asleep in a chair by the fireside.  
The boys moved into the Stringer-made cradles. My tiny girl and where she would sleep became an issue until Georgiana arrived this morning bringing with her the crate in which the pineapples had traveled.

She and Otis have a little girl who laughs out loud and leads them around by the nose.  
Although their visit was short this morning, the wooden crate on which, ‘Product of Antigua’ was stenciled became a most welcome gift. We looked at each other with exactly the same idea.

“Sara? Might you and Wells figure out how to turn this into a cradle?” asked Charlotte. Although she giggled at first, Sara was able to embrace our hopes at once and by noon, all three babies had their own beds and were sleeping peacefully by the fire.

“Please have Mother Heywood wake us when she gets here this afternoon, unless you need us desperately,” I told Bess and then we closed the door. Charlotte and I fell on the bed in our clothes and slept like we were in a magically induced trance. 

It felt like only a moment had passed when Mother Heywood was shaking me awake by the foot. She handed me my pocket sling and I was fully awake reaching for my soft baby bundle before Charlotte was even opening her eyes.  


I will admit my children to the thought that my writing down entries about your lives may increase the opportunity that your Papa might miss something! Forgive me for the days that are not here, for the mornings you might find only a date and the reference to a week before and the word ‘ditto.’ As long as we express gratitude for all we experience, you will grow up with the memories of such happy days, I will not need to document them all!

Good night my dearest children!  
Ben and Grace, sleep well!  
Joseph, Michael and Gabriella, sweet dreams! 

Oh, how I love you all,  
Papa


	25. Chapter 25

14 October

I have missed the entire month of September in my effort to manage my part in this world which has necessarily shrunk to the size of Windswept and this part of our hill.  
The last month was full of days of watching babies grow while making sure you were fed and clothed and loved and held and slept and dry and shared. When we finished a run of all those most important aspects of our days, we started the entire list over, while fitting in a cup of tea or a bath in the sea or the tub.  
We have begun talking with our hands because the effort of words is simply too much at times and everything that might appear slightly humorous has become borderline hysterical and we realize the fine line we are walking everyday between sanity and the lack of it!

It is into this haze of hysteria in which we now dwell that we realized that we have totally missed the anniversary of Ben’s rescue from the cliff and that tomorrow is Grace’s first birthday. There is no better reason to celebrate them both in a combination first birthday party and Sara and Wells went off to town to talk to Arthur and Diana about some plans. And then like I so often do, I moved on to other chores more compatible with the necessary.

Among the notes I sent today was a reminder to Lady Denham. Another went to the Babingtons, the Stringers and the Crowes.  
Susan and Graham brought their boys up this afternoon and regaled us with a recent conversation that went on in the Emporium with a man who came from London thinking he might start a weekly newspaper in Sanditon. Graham overheard every word.

“Should a man wish to launch such a paper where might he look for the news?”  
“My brother Tom has helped develop much of the town,” answered Arthur helpfully.  
“You might ask for the news of the day at the Crown Hotel or the Post,” offered Diana.  
And then Crowe stepped up to the counter and what followed was the largest concoction of half- truths, myths and out and out lies that have ever been told about my family!  
"Let me tell you of my good friend Parker..."

The enthralled reporter is here, now in the library with Charlotte. I document what he said Crowe shared, as much to remember the exact wording should the opportunity for retribution arise, as for the total surprise that he thinks anyone else would be interested in our lives.

“Oh,” Crowe had said as though sharing a vast secret, “Surely you have heard about the inhabitants of the Lilliput Lodge on the cliffs, where five little people have taken over in enchanting ways and the adults who live there are being held hostage just like Gulliver in his travels!”

Arthur said Crowe was being sarcastic, but the first issue of The Sanditonian was planned as an exposition on Lilliput Lodge!

“Sidney,” said Charlotte, “This is Mr. Brayer. He is the man behind the newspaper starting in Sanditon and he has every intention of turning us into news!”

“See here, man, you are most welcome to Windswept, but we have no intention of becoming your news story of the week!” I said.

“What is ‘Windswept’?” he asked.  
“It is the name of our house- our home! You are sitting in it!”  
He adjusted his spectacles and looked down at the notepad on which he was taking copious notes. “Windswept” he quoted, writing it down. “You have to admit ‘Lilliput Lodge’ has more of a ring to it and the social commentary would really appeal to my readers!”

“By a twist of fate and undeserved blessing we have five babies under the age of one! Until tomorrow, when two of them become a year old. We are not at all interested in becoming a story of interest in Sanditon or anywhere else! Charlotte and I are lucky every day if we are dressed correctly and our shoes are on! This is not the time for this interview!” I said forcefully.

“Mr Parker…Mrs Parker…You do not seem to understand! I will print this story and I know it will be received very well! Not only in Sanditon but in London! I have quotes from your brothers and sister, a Francis Crowe and his wife Dulcey, a member of the Peerage and the Grand Dame of the town, Lady Denham! If you answer my questions your quotes will be included! If you do not, well I will write a charming story from my own perspective as I see your lives.”

At just that moment a baby cried with all the energy of a banshee and Charlotte excused herself from the room leaving me, with Mr Brayer. I imagined the man with the head of a donkey and I would not allow this invasion into our lives!  
“Mr Parker? May I call you Sidney?”  
“Sure.”  
“I wish you to understand that the struggles most families live through will be made bearable by knowing your remarkable story! A child rescued from the cliffs merely weeks before the birth of your daughter? And merely nine months later, triplets when twins might have offered challenge enough? Why you and your wife are nothing short of heroic!” said he, selling his story to me.  
I leaned forward. “Now look here man! We do not want notoriety! This is about making a family from the most unlikely of situations! Our babies are all healthy when many in Britain are not! We are blessed beyond measure and do not wish to brag about our circumstances to anyone.”  
“Do you know what the vicar said? “He said you were a good man, one of the best of his parish, because you always seem to put the needs of the people in your life first!”  
“Well, that is a very nice compliment,” I growled, “But he, better than anyone, knows of the many ways I fall short in the struggle to become a decent man! I would not wish to be rude, but might you leave now? Come again, sometime, as a new resident and potential friend, but take your notes and go back to town! And please, find another way to tell your stories other than an expose’ on the non-existent ‘Lilliput Lodge’!”  
He did leave, shaking my hand as he departed.

When Charlotte returned with Gabby, she was sniffling, deeply unhappy to be parted from her mama and I held her close to me as I sat by the fire. I simply put Brayer and his confounded newspaper from my mind to concentrate on the gift in my hands, marveling again at the shape of her mouth, the little eye brows and the lashes that curved on her cheeks as if they had been painted on by a master painter.

After lunch, John Heywood is coming to see our babies, John Riley’s store and reclaim Mother Heywood. Their plan was to return to Willingden tomorrow, but we hope they will add an extra day so that he might celebrate the birthdays of his grandchildren.  
Mrs Pomeroy arrived from Sanditon House with an extraordinary present for Grace and Ben. It was a cake designed like a sandcastle and had been made under the direction of the Babington twins and Lady Denham. Each of the two towers on the castle would be given to Ben and Grace for their total destruction and the main body of the castle would be served to everyone else.  
Charlotte and I walked around the concoction in amazed delight and we realized this first birthday party would be one for the books.

As is usually the case we fell in the bed as though we had not slept in a week. After a few hours I got up again, led to write and plan and muse, on the past year. I am the first to count my blessings and I am unable to sleep restfully until I think over how many more things I am grateful for each day.  
But now, sleep.  
Good night Ben, Good night Grace! Your first year has been the best of my life!

My Gabby, dears Joe and Michael. Thank you for adding more happiness than I could ever imagine!

Sweet dreams, little ones!

Papa

15 October

What a birthday celebration! I am sure that Windswept itself moved on the cliffs from the music and the celebration!  
Lady Susan remembered a present for Charlotte for all of her accomplishments of the past year and I was embarrassed to acknowledge the realization I had not even thought about it.  
Nestled in a red velvet box was an extraordinary string of pearls, in a rope of such luster and beauty I knew Charlotte would be delighted.  
“They were my mother’s,” said Susan. “They grow more and more lovely the more they are worn, and I think they will displayed in fine style on the beautiful neckline of your wife’s dresses.”

When the party began, Charlotte appeared, wearing the rich emerald gown that buttoned under the bust and her hand touched the pearls at her throat. She took my breath away and I mouthed my thanks to Susan where she sat with Graham across the patio eyeing a determined Ben and Grace. They looked at their cake in wonder and then Ben explored his tower by sticking his arm into the middle of it, all the way to the elbow. While we laughed and cheered Grace was far more practical and reached into her portion of the cake with both hands, eating cake as though licking it from her fingers was the way any lady should go about it! I realized at once that a bath was going to be the end of this day and Bess nodded to me in solidarity, heading to the house to warn Sara.  
The Heywoods thoroughly enjoyed the night and held each little hand, drinking in each little smile, and folding into their memories the special afternoon.  
As evening fell around us, Sara brought three large bread bowls filled with cheeses, bread, dried fruits and meats, Wells served everyone from bottles of champagne and port.  
The Reverend toasted me from his seat by the wall and I walked over to greet the Hankins.  
“I am aware of the kindness you shared with that reporter from town and I thank you for your flattering words!”  
“Fact is not flattery, Sidney! That your pursuit of the best in yourself is to be commended, for many are the men who accept their weaknesses of personality as the best they will ever be! I only expressed what I believe to be true!”  
After three or four musical offerings the party broke up and our friends shared their good wishes for all of you as they disappeared into the dusk toward their homes.  
“Before you censure me too fully, Parker,” said Crowe from my elbow, “I will be glad to have had a hand in publicizing your unusual greatness! I mean really, man, who would have believed 'Sidney Parker' would be tantamount to sainthood?”  
“No one who has ever met me!” I answered.  
“Oh no, man! You will be surprised how many people in town have been fed and dressed and cared for, by your generosity! They all wanted to express their thanks in a way you could not ignore! They all had something to say to the newsman!”  
“Shush, Crowe! Now you are being a sarcastic ass! ‘Life at Lilliput Lodge’? Are you serious?”  
“Well, I might have gotten a bit carried away but Babers and I are sure you have become the best man between us!” he said.

I just think my friends are fooled, my children! If any part of me is consistently a good man it is down to Charlotte and if I am a good Papa it will be because there are no other children anywhere on earth that could inspire their Papa onto the path toward becoming a better man!

Good night my darlings! I wish there were words that might express my pride in all of you!  
Happy Birthday Ben and Grace! May your lives be very long and very happy!

Papa

20 October

Rachel was laughing when she arrived from town, as though an extraordinary secret pleased her so much she could not contain her happiness.  
When I walked into the library, she handed over a copy of the first volume of The Sanditonian and I settled into the chair with Gabby as Charlotte read from the copy in her lap.

“The headline reads: ‘Windswept Cottage: Home to Sanditon’s Finest of Men’.” read she.  
“Oh, good lord, Charlotte! Just read what is really there!”  
“Sidney Parker is the finest man in Sanditon,” stated Mrs Smithfelden, a resident of the town.  
“He lives as though the wellbeing of the residents here are his responsibility and he does not shirk the care he feels for us all.” Charlotte looked up and her eyes were dancing. “Shall I continue?”  
“Let me have that,” I said, cross and not a little bit curious.  
Not often have I read so many accolades about anyone! That I was the subject of such a study was positively mortifying.  
I finished reading the front page before feeding it into the fire.  
“If that is the way Mr Brayer intends to cover the town of Sanditon, the newspaper will be over before it has begun! I am going for a swim!”

I left the house, embarrassed and appalled! I dropped my clothes and swam from the cove as hard as I could! How could they! Graham! Babers! Crowe and Lady Denham! I was very touched but unsure how the knowledge of their opinions might change how I dealt with them all in the future! Mrs Smithfelden? I was aghast.

When I reached the shallows again I had no answer. I looked around before rising from the water, afraid that someone might spy on my favorite ritual only to see Charlotte, holding my robe. She walked into the shallows before folding it around me, belting it in the front before kissing me soundly.  
“Please do not be dismayed by the fact that all of your friends found a way to express how they feel about you when you would never stand still for their doing so to your face! They love you with intensity and appreciation! Who knew that a few broken bottles of Antiguan molasses would inspire such a story? Might we take a bath together and wash off your embarrassment?” Charlotte giggled.  
“Yes, please, Charlotte! That may be the only thing that saves this day!”

We carried my clothes up the path, stopping as a carriage rolled up to the tract.The two inside climbed out to stand before us.

“Oh my!” snickered Eliza to her husband, “Looks like we are interrupting an afternoon delight!”  
My children I can not write the words that rolled through my mind! Charlotte stiffened against me before saying,  
“Not at all, Madame! How embarrassing for you had we still been unclothed!”

There are not enough pages to explain Eliza's motives or her appearance! Perchance that is a story for another day. Just suffice it to say, whenever I believe my move toward the life of a truly good man looks possible to me, there is Eliza! The only thing that fills my mind are ways to commit murder! Damn Tom and his ongoing plans for a lighthouse!

Good night my children! I will not waste my ink on such as she and the thought you are waiting for my kisses and hugs spurns every urge I have to write. 

Good night my loves, my little Parkers!

You and your mother are my world! Never forget that any goodness I possess will always be down to each of you!

Papa

~ end of volume two ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The diary of a truly good man should continue into volume 3 soon, jumping ahead and filled with the memories that take children into the year they will all turn ten years old. I have no choice but to continue, so totally enamoured am I with the character of Sidney Parker. I just love him, that is all!
> 
> Thank you for reading! It is my dearest hope you have grown to love him, too!  
> Susan


End file.
